


Bad Match

by justreadingfics



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bad date, Betrayal, Bucky Barnes Angst, F/M, Fighting, Jealousy, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Smut, bucky is kind of a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-21 12:53:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 61,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17044109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justreadingfics/pseuds/justreadingfics
Summary: Bucky and the Reader are set up on a date, but things don’t go as well as expected.





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you sure is not too soon for both of us?” you apprehensively asked your best friend through the phone. “I mean, I broke up with Jeff just, what… three months ago and he, on the other hand, well, he’s Bucky Barnes…I really wouldn’t like to become an additional problem for him, since he already has his fair share of issues” you tried to debate with your fellow SHIELD agent.

“Three months are already too long Y/N, it’s past time for you to move on, and when it comes to Bucky, he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him, you’re gonna love the man, and he’s gonna love you too, trust me,” the strong-minded woman argued on the other side of the line.

“Ok…” you sighed with resignation, knowing there’s no win with Sharon Carter once she’d put something on her mind “I guess you have a point, I’ll be there”.

~~~

Lying on their shared bed, arms crossed behind his head, Steve observed his girlfriend sitting by the desk talking to you on the phone. When she hung up with a satisfied smile he knew she’d got what she wanted.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” the Avenger told her with furrowed eyebrows while she was making herself comfortable again beside him laying one arm over his chest.

“Of course I do, they are great for each other.” She responded with the smug confidence that Steve so well knew and loved about her.

“I just don’t think Bucky is ready Shar, and wasn’t it Y/N that recently got out of a terrible relationship?” He tried to ponder with her. 

“Steve, honey, I know you worry a lot about Bucky, and you have your reasons, I get it. Yet, he’s been among us for over a year now. He’s doing so great working with the Avengers. I understand he’s still have some social skills matters to work on, but he’s been doing progress with therapy.” She tried to prove her point.

Steve looked down at his girlfriend “What about the Natasha situation?”

“That’s another reason. That ain’t gonna happen, not now, not never, she’s a different person than she was before and is head over heels for another man. Bucky has got to let go of this obsession with their past.” The blonde woman snorted her disapproval and continued. “He hasn’t been to a proper date yet, don’t you think there’s something missing? He needs someone good in his life, not just those meaningless shallow one-night stands he’s been going on.”

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but Sharon kept talking, circling her hand on his chest in a reassuring way “And as for Y/N, yes, she’s been in a horrible relationship, but she’s managed to put an end on it and deserves a second chance too. They are a good match, I have a feeling.”

“I still don’t know baby, are you really sticking with this?” The soldier insisted.

“Steve… sometimes even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself…” 

The Captain interrupted her, rolling his eyes “Ok ok ok, you don’t have to use the “you move” speech.” Giving her the giggles, he chuckled and put a kiss on the top of her head “I just hope you’re right on this one.”

“I am.” She concluded nuzzling into her boyfriend chest.

~~~

“Here it is, Miss,” you smiled at the waiter when he placed your second drink of the night on the table. You took another glance at the clock on the restaurant wall, 30 minutes…

You couldn’t believe that you were going to be stood up on your first date after your break up with Jeff. So much for being open to new possibilities. At first you were reluctant to go along with Sharon’s idea, but then you started to think that she could be right. You had to move on from you self-pitying state and the sooner the better.

Flashbacks of the crappy last two years started playing in your mind. You had met Jeff at one of the CIA`s divisions in Europe, when you and Sharon started working there after the fall of SHIELD. You didn’t know then, but he was the man that would break you into a million tiny self-hating pieces. Without once laying a finger on you he had the power to, with a word or just a look, make you feel unworthy, tiny, unlovable. There was always something that wasn’t good enough for him: your clothes weren’t that fashionable, your looks could be better, your hair should be longer and there was always someone than you in any given aspect. That was your daily life with the man you started to believe you were lucky to have as partner and that loved you in spite of all of those flaws.

You only realized you were getting stuck in a vicious cycle of self-loathing when your friends, specially Sharon, practically punched some sense into you.

The break up didn’t happen on good terms, so you were glad in accepting SHIELD’s insistent offer to assume your position back after they were reactivated and rejoined forces with the Avengers. You moved countries and focused exclusively on work.

Your fall to an abyss of sad memories was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat next to you. When you looked up, you weren’t expecting to see an ocean of blue eyes staring down at you with a questioning look.

“Oh h-hi, sorry I didn’t see you here” You stood up and, God knows why, leaned to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, only to be stopped with a preventative handshake. Blame it on your European times.

“Hi you must be Y/N, my name is Bucky.” He introduced himself and the soft rusky tone of his voice was the most alluring you had ever heard.

Like in a trance you practically moaned, “I know everything about you Bucky.” Listening to your own words and checking the startled expression on his face as he let go of your hand, you tried to correct yourself. “I-I mean, n-not everything, course not, you’re Bucky Barnes, Steve and Sharon’s friend, t-that’s what I know.” He raised one eyebrow and took his seat in front of yours.

What was the matter with you? You had met the guy for five seconds and suddenly became a stuttering mess? You took in his appearance and concluded that, even though you had seen pictures of him before (most of them with his Winter Soldier mask, since the media still craved for his troublesome past) you certainly weren’t ready for the real deal. He was absolutely gorgeous.

But that fact and the outrageously sexy low bun that was holding his brow locks didn’t stop you from realizing he hadn’t apologized for being 40 minutes late.

“How was the traffic, too crazy?” You questioned to give him the opportunity to redeem himself.

“No, not really” he responded nonchalantly, taking a look around the Indian place you had chosen. “Have you ordered anything yet?”

“Oh, I haven’t, I was waiting for you.”

“I hate Indian food, but go ahead, make your order.” He turned to the waiter already standing next to him and asked for a drink.

“Oh… I’m sorry, this is my favorite place, that’s is why I picked it, I didn’t know… we can go… somewhere else…” You were so flustered that you could feel your whole body burning, starting in your cheeks that probably were showing a deep shade of pink now.

“No, no, don’t worry Doll, I’m a drink kind of guy anyway… So tell me, how long have you been friends with Sharon?”

The use of the nickname and the whole embarrassing events so far got you rambling non-stop. You never ordered your food and kept talking about your childhood, your job, Donald Trump, the lack of male nudity on Game of Thrones… Every single thought that came across your mind was spilled at an impassive Bucky.

When your mouth went dry of talking and not a word had come out of Bucky’s plump lips you excused yourself to the toilet, taking your purse with you.

Inside the small room, you took a deep breath and, while staring at the mirror to retouch your lipstick, you wondered when everything had started to go to shit. Maybe you weren’t ready after all…

Walking back towards the table, you decided to give it another try, start over and maybe have a pleasant rest of night with your date. You glimpsed Bucky by his back talking on his cellphone and the sound of your name made you stop close enough to overhear the conversation.

“What can I tell you Steve? Jesus, she won’t stop talking… And I don’t understand half of the things she’s saying. I can’t see why you and Sharon insisted on this dating thing… Besides, you were wrong… Not for a minute I was able to get Natasha out of my head… Y/N’s got nothing on her, she is not slightly as amazing as Nat…”

You felt your stomach drop to the floor and your heart sank. Bucky kept talking, but there was a buzz in your ears, loud enough to drown out every other sound around you. The restaurant and everything else transformed into a very familiar scenario. It was like Jeff was by your side all over again and his unwanted voice in your mind was reminding you of how distasteful, insignificant and unlovable you were. Your hands started shaking and tears were forming in your eyes, that was the signal you needed to turn around and leave as fast as you could. No goodbyes. You never wanted to see Bucky Barnes in your life again.

~~~

When you got to your bedroom after the longest cab ride in your life, your attention was caught by the pathetic form in front of the mirror on your wall. You knew that the woman he was comparing you with was THE Natasha Romanoff, the sexiest spy alive whose seductiveness haunted you poor hard worker mortals who were trying to make a living in the secret agent’s business. How could he even make the comparison when clearly there was none. You were average, tops. Flat where you should be curvy and curvy where you should be flat.

Someone could think that you’d be able to beat you lousy sex-appeal by a dashing interesting personality, but this someone would be wrong. If you had doubts about it, the last few moments with Bucky had dismissed them all, he was pretty clear about how unpleasant your company had been… Not slightly as amazing…

Knowing that you were going down a road too familiar for your taste, you attempted to dismiss all those self-hatred thoughts off of your mind by trying to get some sleep, hoping to dream a sweet dream that would make you forget all about that night. So you took off the dress you’d bought for the occasion and left it on the floor, found some energy in you to remove the full face makeup and brushed your teeth before diving into your bed, putting on some pjs was too much to ask of you at that moment. 

~~~

Your alarm rang and it felt like it had been 5 minutes since you finally conquered slumber. You groaned at the sound and the prospect of getting up to face the day ahead. Your half-asleep mind immediately drifted to the night before. Something you were so desperately trying to keep dormant inside you had awakened. The wounds on your self-esteem were too fresh and those words had hit them like a punch.

Despite the desire to keep drowned in your fort of blankets, you couldn’t skip work. You had a meeting with The Man himself, Nick Fury. You had no idea what it would be about, you were warned by his secretary the day before.

You shook away your thoughts about the date with Bucky and got off the bed. You had much more important things to worry about and focus on. At least you wouldn’t have to see him again, as the SHIELD’S operating base wasn’t located at the Avengers’ Tower.

Not much time passed before you were ready to go to work, after all it wasn’t that hard to choose an outfit from a wardrobe of grey suits. On your commute to SHIELD’s headquarters you remembered to take a look on your phone. 5 missed calls from Sharon. …he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him, you’re gonna love the man … You mimic her voice in your head and memorized an entire speech of curses to deliver to the blonde for when you meet her again.

Once inside the building you already felt a little better. Work was your whole life, especially now, you loved what you did and felt appreciated and wanted there. You went straight to the big boss’s office, feeling nervous about whatever the infamous Nicky Fury wanted to talk to you.

“Hi Y/N, how are you today?” Maria Hill greeted you, putting an arm around your shoulder, guiding you to the adjacent room of the large office.

“Hi Maria, a little anxious for whatever this means, any clues?” she gave you a squeeze on your shoulder and smiled at you, but another voice responded:

“Miss Y/L/N, you’re here because I have a proposition for you.” It was the SHIELD’S director, using his well-known straightforward style.

“Tony Stark has contacted me and asked for the name, and I quote, of the most badass spy I could provide him.” Having an idea of where that conversation was heading, but not allowing yourself to fully believe it, you kept a dumbfounded stare at your boss in front of you, waiting for the outcome.

“So, Miss Y/L/N, how would you fancy a position on the Avengers’ team?” The weakness in your knees and the sweat leaking out of your pores must had been pretty evident, since Maria Hill placed her hand on the low of your back, in a support attempt.

“Oh my God sir, it’s such an honor…” your tremulous voice was interrupted by Fury, clearly in a hurry: 

“Good, you’re being transferred today to the Avengers compound, Maria will help you with paperwork and everything else that will be necessary for your relocation…” He talked in a monotone, gathering some papers on the desk he was standing by, apparently oblivious by the rush of adrenaline that was swelling down your whole body. Suddenly Maria’s support didn’t seem enough to prevent you from falling, so you gripped one hand on the desk chair in front of you, biting your lower lip so you wouldn’t let out the scream taking place in your mind. You had never thought something like that would happen, but now that it was a reality you felt like you had dreamed about it your whole life.

“You’ll go through evaluations and training for some time and then it will be decided if you really have what it takes to be an Avenger…” I’m going to be a fucking Avenger, bitch. You were trying to maintain some posture and conceal your excitement by listening carefully to the instructions that would change your life.

“Your main tutor for the starting process will give you the guidelines and other details, he’s most likely now waiting for you at the compound. You’ve already had the chance to meet Sgt. James Barnes, haven’t you?”

And just like that you went straight to the floor from cloud 9.

FUCK.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first day at the Tower.

Your eyes were dancing around the Avengers Tower, taking mental notes of every detail. The whole thing was so beautiful and high tech. You had been there once or twice before for work purposes and had never really left the lobby. But this was going to be your home now and you didn’t wanna miss a thing.

Learning that Bucky would be your mentor almost made you turn down the offer. But before opening your mouth to speak, the promise you had made yourself in much darker times popped in your head, which was to never let a man’s opinion about you dictate how you’d live your life. Not again. You really wanted this job. Helping make the world a safer place was the reason why you’d become an agent in the first place, therefore being an Avenger would mean an opportunity to actually make the difference. Bucky had the right to not like you and you wouldn’t argue with that, but you wouldn’t let it ruin your career.

“Friday, take us to Tony’s lab, please.” Maria broke the silence, entering the elevator with you.

“Right away Miss Hill. Welcome to the Avengers Tower Agent Y/L/N.” You were surprised and thrilled to hear the legendary A.I talking directly to you, which made you giggle shamelessly.

“Thank you, Friday?” you replied with an amused, unsure tone.

Maria laughed at your reaction and, wrapping you in a side hug, added: “You’re gonna love this place.”

The elevator stopped on a ridiculously high floor and you both were greeted by a loud AC/DC music. By what you had heard about his music taste, you were about to meet Iron Man. As you entered the room, a “Wow” slipped from your lips, admiring the advanced machinery and robotics surrounding you. If you were astonished by the high tech of the building so far it was because you had never been to Tony Stark’s lab.

“You’ve seen nothing yet, dear.” You were startled by the music going down and the man himself approaching aiming a wink at you before directing his attention to your colleague “Miss Hill, long time no see, how is our favorite Live Action version of Captain Hook?” Maria sighed and you chuckled at his remark, winning another wink from the Iron Man who seemed proudly pleased with your reactions “And this is…?” he pointed at you.

“Hi, Mr. Stark, my name is Y/N Y/L/N, it’s such an honor to meet you” you grinned, extending your hand to him.

“Oh, so you’re Furry’s girl, then? I’ve heard a lot about you sweetie. Welcome to our humble home, it’s yours now too, so cut the Mr. Stark crap, call me Tony.” He responded, shaking your hand and smiling wildly. “Have you got the instructions for your training already or seen the place where you’re staying?”

“No, well, Mr. Furry gave me some information, and then Maria and I came straight to your lab, so…”

“Friday, call Barnes, please? And Wanda.” He didn’t let you finish and you felt a twist on your heart at the first name he mentioned, making the comfort you were feeling with Tony Stark’s welcoming presence diminish a little. You may have expressed it on your face, because he added, waving you off:

“Don’t worry, Junior, Barnes barks but doesn’t bite…well, mostly. And Wanda is the sweetest Sokovian witchy you’ll ever meet” You were able to form a tight smile and nod at your new favorite avenger. 

“Well, now that introductions have been made, I’ll leave you guys, if you need anything Y/N, don’t hesitate on calling,” Maria spoke giving you a hug while you thanked her. She waved at Tony before parting.

Once you two were alone, the billionaire turned his back to you typing on a touchscreen that popped from his pulse watch “Friday will you take Y/N’s measurements, please?”

“What?” you yelled with wide eyes, covering yourself with your hands as an instinctive and pointless reaction.

“Calm down, Junior, I just wanna work on something for you, but I’m really trying to avoid any new sexual harassment lawsuits, so I can’t take them myself” He honestly tried to reassure you, still focused on the screen in the air.

You were about to give your protests when you heard the elevator door opening, as you turned your head you exchanged gazes with the pair of blue eyes you thought, until that morning, you would never have to see again. You straightened your posture and cleared your throat, trying to ignore your heart jumping inside your chest.

Along with him there was the Maximoff girl you had only seen on television, she had a wide beam on display for you. As they came closer, the surprised expression on his face became evident. You guessed he didn’t know you would be there.

“Tony,” he spoke directly to the other man in the room, taking his puzzled look from you. 

“Barnes,” Tony replied turning his front to the three of you, never looking straight at Bucky. Maybe you were wrong, but sensed some weird tension surrounding the two men’s greetings. “This is Y/N Y/L/N” he continued.

“I believe we’ve already met, right Miss Y/L/N?” You wanted to punch yourself for feeling vulnerable under the sarcastic tone that only you seemed to notice.

“Sergeant Barnes,” you nodded a stoic greeting, maintaining your hands tangled behind your back.

“To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest fixing his stare on you. Again, only you seemed to notice the bitterness on his question, which he was disguising with a forced smirk plastered on his face.

All of a sudden you weren’t so sure you should be there. You felt tiny and bare under his eyes, like every single little flaw of you was evident to him and everyone else in the room. He’s not going to ruin this for you, He’s not going to ruin this for you… You were fighting against yourself to gain dominance over your own damaging feelings.

“Fury’s nominated her for the spot on our team. She’s the one you’ll be tutoring.” Tony’s words made the smirk that Bucky still leveled at you, the one that unsetttled you so much, slowly fade. He seemed shock for a quarter of second, then put on a stern expression on his scruffy face.

“Oh, that’s awesome, welcome to the team Y/N, congratulations!” Wanda hugged you passing by an incredulous, yet impassive Bucky standing between you two.

“Well, you still have a lot to do before you actually become an Avenger. You’ll go through training with all of us, but I’ll be your main instructor. You report to me now. We’ll start today. Be at the training room at 4pm.” He was looking directly at you and talked with no pauses or intonation, so fast and emotionlessly you could have mistaken Bucky Barnes for one of the robots in the lab. You let out a relieved sigh when he excused himself and took the elevator down.

You didn’t miss Wanda and Tony exchanging glances and found some inner strength to try and discharge the tension that Bucky’s reaction had left in the air “Thank you so much Wanda, I’m so excited to get to know you, I’m a great admirer of your work.” Her face lit up at your honest statement and a smile was back on her lips. Good. The last thing you wanted was any kind of questions that could force you to explain where you knew Bucky from.

“Awww, I’m so happy to see former Junior and new Junior getting along.” Tony enlaced his arms around the shoulders of both of you making you two chuckle in response. He looked at Wanda “Will you show Y/N around?” She happily nodded and Tony tapped on your backs “Ok, so go, Daddy, has work to do.”

~~~

You and Wanda clicked pretty well, she was answering every doubt you had and showed you the most essential areas of the building. The more you knew about the place and the Avengers routine the more you felt a sense of belonging and comfort. Once you both reached the residential floor where you’d be located you saw that it was composed by a very well equipped shared kitchen, a common lounge with entertainment for all kinds of tastes and the individual flats.

You were fascinated to notice that all your belongings were already settled in your place. As you were starting to find out, this was one of the many perks of being teammates with Tony Stark. You loved your flat, it had a neat decoration and the furniture was unpretentious and comfortable. But what really captivated you was the balcony with the most mesmerizing view of New York. You couldn’t help but wonder how beautiful it would be at night with all the city lights on. 

After some more chatting, Wanda excused herself out so you could rest to your first day of training. But relaxing was everything you didn’t do. The so very recent changes in your life had brought out vivid and different emotions in you. You were undeniably excited, but despite really trying, couldn’t stop worrying about how your fresh history with Bucky would play out, especially since it hadn’t escaped from your attention how his presence affected you back in Tony’s lab. Laying on your new king size bed, you wondered how you and he would possibly be capable of working together and whether you’d beat how low you felt around him to let the confidence required by an Avenger show up.

Those thoughts of uncertainty were still protuberant on your mind when you got ready for your first session of training with Bucky. You didn’t really know what it would consist of, so decided to go with some comfy yoga pants, sneakers and a black tank top. You pulled your hair up in a ponytail and when you stepped out of the door, walked into your best friend and her boyfriend, both in exercise clothes, getting out of a room across from yours that was probably his.

“Y/N, Oh my God!” Sharon beamed at your sight and made a beeline to you with arms opened. “I’ve heard the news, this is amazing, you deserve it so much!” She held you in a tight embrace.

“Welcome Y/N, I’m really happy that you were Fury’s first choice, I can’t say that I’m surprised though!” The Captain greeted you with one of his gigantic smiles and a bear hug when Sharon let go of you.

You wholeheartedly thanked them before turning to the blonde woman, “Sharon, a quick word?” nodding to the interior of your apartment. She shrugged to Steve and followed you into the room telling him to wait for her at the gym.

“I’ve been trying to call you since yesterday, now I know why you never answered. You still have to tell me how was your night with Bucky.” She smirked at you at the last words while you were dragging her to the seat by the end of your bed.

“Yeah, about that…” You spilled out at her the details of the encounter, putting some emphasis on Bucky’s rudeness, but didn’t mention the phone call you’d overheard. You really didn’t need a pity look or a reassuring speech from your very biased friend. “… so I said I needed to go to the toilet and took off.” You finished your narrative at an agape Sharon.

“You what????” She yelped and reprimanded you: “Don’t you think you overreacted a little? Abandoning the date without a goodbye? I understand it wasn’t going that well, but…”

You got annoyed with the comment and snapped: “Overreaction or not the fact is the guy is a douche, I don’t understand why you thought that might work. I was doing just fine by myself until you meddled and pushed me to something I didn’t really wanted and obviously wasn’t ready for. Now I have this amazing chance to actually do some good in my life and this whole situation you’ve put me through might ruin it. Thank you so much.” You snorted and looked away from her, wrapping your arms around yourself.

She opened her mouth a few times but said nothing, seemingly lost for words at your harsh ones. You watched her by the corner of your eyes and sighed, running a hand on your face realizing you were unfairly tossing your frustrations on her. “I’m sorry Shar, it’s not your fault, is just that… I’m really panicked about all of this, is too much…this job… I don’t know if I can handle…” Your voice trembled with your honest confession and you hid your face with your hands, leaning your elbows on your thighs.

You felt the sting of Sharon’s customary slap on the back of your head, making you look at her again. “Of course you can handle it, you’re a motherfucking Avenger.” You gesture to protest, but she held your hands into hers “No, you are, screw training, trials, or whatever, you always had been an avenger, just didn’t have the title. You were chosen for a reason, and you’re going to stay right here.” She hugged you and you tightened your arms around her, realizing how much you needed those words.

“Thank you Shar…” Tears were falling freely on your cheeks, but her comfort really made you feel better.

“You don’t have to thank me, I’m just telling the truth.” She waited for you to calm down a little and insisted, carefully, so you didn’t have another outburst “But, you know? I still have this feeling that you and Bucky are indeed a good match…”

“That’s it,” you let go of her embrace and clapped your hands twice, getting up to end the subject “I’m going to the training room, are you coming?” You headed to the door, cleaning the tears with the back of your hands. Sharon raised her hands in defeat and followed at your heels.

~~~

At the gym you waved at Steve who just nodded, since he was really engaged on lifting a bar with an uncountable amount of weight. Sharon wished you good luck and climbed on one of the treadmills. You glanced at the watch and realized you were 10 minutes late. Shit. You saw that your trainer was already at the sparring room that was divided from the rest of the gym by a glass wall.

He had his back turned to you, removing some kettlebells off of the mat. You cursed your eyes for lingering more than necessary on the evident lines of the muscles on his back through his absurdly tight white tank top.

“I hope you understand, Agent, that being on time is one of the most important requirements to be an Avenger, missions won’t simply wait for you to comb your hair or whatever unimportant thing you were doing” He turned to face you and once again your goddamn eyes betrayed you by fixating on his displayed metal arm. That was the first time you’d seen the famous appendage exposed in person. How was it possible that it’s millimetrically symmetric to the flesh one?

He cleared his throat bringing you back from your attentive analysis of the brawny figure in front of you. “Ahm, I’m sorry Sergeant, this won’t happen again” You tried to sound tough to hush your insecurities’ voices starting to scream inside of you.

“I certainly hope so,” he scolded, staring at you with an unfriendly expression that surely wasn’t helping your attempt on remaining calm. “Today I want to check some of your hand to hand combat skills, your attacks and defense moves.” His lips twisted in a cynical smile before continuing “Although I have a feeling we’ll end up focusing on your defensive.”

You tilted your head slightly and raised an eyebrow, feeling a growing heat starting to boil your blood. So he was making fun of you? You just nodded at him, trying to not give your annoyance away. You might not be good with dates- or romantic relationships in general for that matter- but you were in your element now and even if you would never be able to physically overpower him, you knew you could definitely make him sweat a bit with your moves and tactics.

“Ok, let’s start, get in position, Agent” He took a short distance from you and straightened his posture high in a clear effort to intimidate, which you followed on queue after removing your sneakers and climbing on the mat.

You started circling around each other. You were clenching your hands and jaw, waiting for him to make the first move, your plan was to let him take the lead first so you could have the opportunity to study his movements and fighting style. He had a predatory gaze on you and it took every bit of strength inside you to not look away. You were expecting his first attack anytime now, but certainly weren’t ready for what came next:

“I think I’m gonna have a lot of work to teach you some manners, Agent… Abandoning a guy in the middle of a date like that…” He talked in a low menacing tone and the reference to the night before made you lower your guard, as he noticed that he flew towards you, grabbed your arms and spun you around locking you with your back against his chest, keeping a tight grip on your wrists, one crossed on the front of your waist, the other encaged between you two. You could feel his hot breath in your ear… a shiver started running down your spine… but you wouldn’t let him dominate you that easy.

“Maybe I had somewhere better to be, Sergeant.” You spat back and felt his hold on your wrists loosen a bit, so you took the chance to abruptly unlock yourself from his grasp and took your distance. You both went back to the initial position, circling each other. The audacity of his comment and attack made your eyes fume and your breathing speed up in short harsh pants, but you tried to focus on the physical battle.

A smirk was gracing his features and didn’t take long for him to run to you for a second time, aiming a punch at you, but you were now expecting it and managed to squat to avoid the hit before taking his legs out from under him with a sweeping kick.

When he got up you were kind of amused to see his face contorted in a mix of rage, shock and something else you couldn’t quite decipher. He groaned and went for you again. You two engaged in what seemed a beautifully synchronized dance of flying fists, dodges, spins, kicks. Between strikes you kept exchanging accusations about your previous encounter…

“What kind of person chooses an Indian restaurant for a first date, anyway?” Punch…

“The ones with good tastes…” Dodge, “What kind of person arrives 40 minutes late for the same first date and doesn’t apologize?” Slap…

“Thank God I got there late…”Roll, “or else it would be 40 more minutes of rambling talking!” Kick…

“At least one of us is able to actually form words.” Jump, “Are you familiar with this concept? Words?” Punch…

You kept this dynamic the entire time and from what you noticed he wasn’t aware that you had listened to his conversation and you chose to leave it unmentioned. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing much he’d hurt you.

The adrenaline provoked by the combination of his words and the heated combat itself was boosting you forward to face your opponent, but you were sweating liters and it was getting hard to catch your breath. You knew you couldn’t keep up much longer. As you were pretty much aware, even if you weren’t the easiest target, your strength and vitality were no competition to the super serum.

Just like you’d anticipated, the final move came from him. Your balance was stolen by the hit of his legs on yours, making you fall with your back to the mat. He quickly settled his weight upon you, straddling your waist and pinning your arms above your head with a strong grip.

He had his face too close to yours. So close that the tips of his locks were tickling your cheeks. You observed his wide eyes staring deeply at yours and his teeth grinding while he was holding you tightly to keep you in place like his own life depended on it. You were both a panting mess, skin shining from sweat and your heartbeat drumming in your ears. You struggled to leave the position, but stopped fighting your way out at the same time his features started softening…the grip on your wrists became almost gentle making it easy for you to get out if you wanted. With your eyes glued on his blue ones, you could swear you saw his gaze dropping to your mouth and his face slowly leaning closer and closer, when the sound of clapping and whistles took you away from your little daze.

You turned your heads to follow the sound and spotted Steve and Sharon, applauding the scene through the glass wall. You felt the urge to punch your friend in the face when you glimpsed her sporting a little victorious smirk and caught the words she was mouthing directly to you.

“Good Match.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a get together and you meet more Avengers.

The cascade of hot water falling on your sore muscles was everything you needed at that moment. While you were trying to relax your drained body, your mind was in a loop repeating the memories of the last few moments.

It felt like Bucky was about to kiss you when he had you pinned on the floor. You could swear you saw the anger leaving his expression, like he was looking, really looking at you for the first time… You shook your head under the shower to expel these thoughts of your mind. He was not interested in you, he had made that much very clear on the first time you’ve met each other. Besides, when Steve and Sharon came close, he quickly dismissed you, not even looking at you anymore. Nothing had changed.

Turning the water off, you Already missed the soothing pleasure provided by the hot shower, embraced yourself in a towel and headed to the closet to choose an outfit. On your way back to your room from the gym, Friday had delivered you a message from Tony, claiming your presence in the common area by dinner time for a small get together meant for you to meet the rest of the team.

If it were up to you, definitely you’d stay in the comfort of your bed and try to relax, it had been a long day and you were really exhausted. However, as the newbie, you weren’t in a position to refuse invitations or avoid socialize with your co-workers.

Since it was a small get together, you decided to go with a casual sleeveless black dress that you kept for occasions like that. It was a short dress but its V-Neck didn’t show that much, so you thought it was ok for a first impression, you matched it with black flats, since your pained legs wouldn’t bear heels that night. You blow dried your hair and put on some lipstick for good measure before getting in the elevator up to the common area of the building.

When you got there, you made a mental note to remind yourself that your concept of “small get togethers” clearly didn’t match Tony’s. The place was decorated like a real club, the lights were low, there was a dance floor with a DJ playing house music, waiters everywhere carrying trays of all kinds of drinks, but there was also a very fuelled bar and a Japanese food table. The room was already alive with people. Well, women mostly… stunning women… You wondered if you should go back and change into something fancier, but decided against it when you spotted Sharon and Steve waving you over to them on the other side of the dance floor.

“So, I think I’ve got the wrong memo.” you said to the better dressed couple when you drew near them, scratching the back of your head.

“Shut up, you look beautiful, as always,” Sharon consoled you, running a hand down your arm.

“But you should know, with Tony, that’s how it works.” Steve completed, rolling his eyes.

“Because that’s the only way there is, Grandpa.” Stark came close to the group with opened arms to you before giving you a hug and a kiss on your cheek. You couldn’t help yourself but smile wildly at the man. “This is all for you, Junior. Enjoy it.” He turned his attention to Sharon “Can I borrow your Capsicle for a minute, dear? You know, boring super heroes business.” She gave both men a friendly nodd and Steve followed Tony with an apologetic look.

As a waiter passed with a tray of champagne glasses, Sharon grabbed two, handing one to you “What was that today? Not many people, beside Steve, are able to hold on that long against Bucky, you should be really proud of yourself.” She raised her drink to you in reverence before taking it to her lips.

You mirrored her with your own glass “Well, obviously he hadn’t read my file, or else he’d know that hand to hand combat is one of my strengths and it wouldn’t be such a surprise to him.” You responded, with a touch of resentment, placing a lock of your hair behind your ear.

“Yeah, he seemed very surprised by you, that was clear”. Sharon chuckled taking another sip of her champagne.

You furrowed your brows at her, not understanding the emphasis on the word. “Why is he my mentor anyway? Isn’t he, like, the newest avenger?” You sharply questioned your friend.

“Steve told that usually that either Natasha or Clint trains the new recruits, but he’s with his family now and she’s away on a solo mission or something.” The information caught your attention and the news of the Widow’s absence wasn’t exactly unpleasant to you, even if you couldn’t take meaning of why. “Since Bucky has been doing great in the job through this last year and considering his…uh… military background, Steve suggested his name and everybody agreed.” She shrugged and you noticed the careful election of the words military background and you deliberated what she was possibly referring to, if it was to his time as Sergeant during World War II and the Hollow Commandos or to the rumors you’ve heard that he had been one of the trainers at the dishonorable Red Room as the Winter Soldier.

Before you could ask, Wanda called your name with a smile, dragging the unmistakable Vision by the hand. You were ecstatic to finally meet the android, and if you were going to be honest, a little scared too. But any fear you could have was quickly defeated by his unique politeness and respectful manners.

The four of you engaged in a lively conversation, and your little disturbance with the unexpected big party started to go away. You were really happy to be joining that group of amazing and unique people. After a few rounds of drinks, you excused yourself to the bathroom. On your way back, you decided to pass by the bar to grab another glass of champagne. You weren’t one to drink that much, especially in the middle of the week, but you guessed the combo of anxiety and cheerfulness due to the latest changes in your life were boosting your wino side to life.

While you waited, you took a seat and turned your back to the counter, leaning your elbows on it you started to drift your eyes around. That’s when you spotted the person you hadn’t seen yet. Your trainer was seated by a table surrounded by model type girls, delivering special attention to a devastatingly beautiful tall blonde, that could easily be mistaken for one of the Hadid sisters, if she wasn’t the third one herself. He was leaning closer to speak something in her ear and what he said must have been funny as hell by the laugh that followed. Funny Bucky, that was new to you. At the sight, you felt your stomach contort in a spiraling dance.

You turned your back to the view and gulped down the drink waiting for you at the counter, quickly asking for another. What the hell were you feeling? Jealousy? That was just what you needed, feeling jealous of the guy who didn’t want you and, in addition, was a class A jackass with you. While the bartender served you another champagne you were thinking that if that was the type of girl Bucky was into, then you couldn’t blame him for not caring about you at all. Once again you mentally cursed Sharon, how could she suppose that he would be interested in you, YOU, when he could choose from the Victoria’s Secrets catalogue. 

“First day with the Avengers and already drinking your ass off? We must be a delightful group of people.” You stopped your drink mid air to glance at the man taking the seat next to yours. Taking in your expression of embarrassment fixating on the glass in your hand he quickly added “I’m sorry, I’m just kidding, I was trying to find a way to start a conversation with you and said the first thing in my mind, I wasn’t counting your drinks, I swear.” He placed his right hand on his chest and you couldn’t help but laugh at his clumsy honesty.

He smiled back at you “Let’s start over.” He extended his hand to you “Hi, my name is Sam Wilson, you must be Agent Y/L/N, Wanda told me you’re the new recruit for our team, right?”

“Hi Sam, it’s really great to meet you, and you can call me Y/N, please.” You shook his hand. He asked the bartender for a drink and you two started chatting. He wanted to know about the time you’d worked for the CIA in Europe, but seemed to be more interested on situations when you had embarrassed yourself due to cultural differences. He ran over the list of pranks he liked to play on the team and you couldn’t stop laughing when he told you that every time he did something right on a mission he shouted “Cut the check” to Tony. 

Conversation flowed easy with him. It had been a long time since you felt that comfortable in a man’s presence, especially a handsome charming man like Sam who seemed invested in your company and interested in what you had to say.

You were so caught up with him that didn’t notice a certain super soldier staring intensely at your animated interaction and certainly you couldn’t be aware that his stomach was contorting in the same kind of dance as yours had been a few moments before.

Sam was in the middle of a narration about his latest mission with Vision when he stopped talking to look over your shoulder. “Hey old man!” you turned in your seat to glance at Bucky standing behind you. Hadid sister under his arm.

He used a grunt to greet Sam before directing his attention to you. “I’m sure you remember we have training at 6 am tomorrow. I expect you to be fully rested and on time,” He scolded in a monotone. 

You knew he was telling you that you should leave the party and avoided a roll of your eyes, “Don’t worry Serge. I actually don’t need that many hours of sleep. ” You gave a suggestive smirk at Sam, who returned the gesture. A rush of hot blood abruptly invaded you cheeks. Were you flirting with Sam? Since when did you know how to flirt? And why did you feel the urge to do it in front of Bucky? You really shouldn’t have drank that much.

Bucky turned on his heels and left towards the elevator with his companion, not without a glare at you and Sam and letting out an unreadable sound first. 

“Old man is a real charmer huh?” you raised a brow at Sam’s amused comment. “But he’s actually a great guy, you’ll see that.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard,” you sighed and drank the rest of your champagne. “But I think he has a point though, I should go and get some rest, it has really been a busy day.” You saw the disappointment that had invaded Sam’s face be quickly replaced by a killing charming smile.

“Ok, you’re right, I’ll let you go.” He rested a hand on top of yours while and a welcoming warmth invaded your heart when he continued. “But how about I’ll take you out to dinner some other time? Just you and me?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your training with Bucky continues. You pay him a personal visit.

You pressed the button to call the elevator with a ridiculous grin on your face. If someone would have ever told you in the past that Sam Wilson would ask you out someday, you probably would have choked on your laugh. But that was exactly what had just happened. Maybe you weren’t that bad and unlikeable after all. That encounter with Sam had worked like a huge brick on your self-esteem reconstruction.

Every part of you wanted to shout YES in his face, but your boring reasonable self had won an inner battle and you ended up explaining to him that you had just got out of a complicated relationship, had already tried the dating thing but realized you weren’t ready for that yet. He seemed to understand, kissed your hand and told you that he would be happy with being your friend. What an amazing guy! You wondered if you had really made the right decision…

When the elevator door opened on your floor, your lovely thoughts about Sam were invaded by a muffled female scream in the distance. It heightened your senses, trying to identify danger, but as you approached your room, the noises became more and more clear, and you realized they were moans and groans of pleasure, not of pain or fear.

You laughed to yourself and quickly worked on your purse to find the key to your bedroom door, not wanting to invade Steve and Sharon’s private moment, but that’s when you heard “Harder please… Oh Bucky” and stood still, noticing that the now very loud noises were coming from the door right beside yours, not from Steve’s room. You realized you hadn’t asked anyone who was your next door neighbor. Terrific. You sighed in annoyance and got into your bedroom, feeling a disturbance in your previous good mood.

~~~

After a long session of screams, moans, groans and Bucky’s name being repeated like a broken record, you finally fell asleep, only to be awakened by another type of scream. You immediately raised yourself from the bed. This one had nothing of pleasure behind it, but instead, horror. Your heart started racing in alert making you automatically grab the 9mm pistol resting on your nightstand and you walked cautiously to the door, listening attentively to every sound on the other side.

You heard a second scream and without thinking twice opened the door, aiming the gun in your hands at the person standing in front of you.

“Y/N, Jesus… What’s wrong with you?” Sharon was leaning by Steve’s door framed and when she took a sight of you she raised her hands in the air staring with wide eyes at the pistol pointed at her.

You turned the weapon away from her, but didn’t fully let down your guard, looking from side to side on the hallway, waiting for the attack. “What’s going on? I’ve heard someone screaming!” You asked with a low voice.

Sharon took a sad breath and signed with her head towards Bucky’s room. “Nightmares…”

“Oh…” You looked to your neighbor’s closed door and let down your guard completely, letting your arms hang loose at your sides. You heard another scream. “Should we…?” you consulted your friend.

“Oh no! Steve’s in there now, he knows how to deal with it” You understood then… This wasn’t an uncommon situation.

“What about the girl he was with?” You asked making Sharon shake her head, turning her gaze down to the floor.

“They never stay long enough” She looked back at you tightening her lips in thin line. You knew she always did that when she disapproved something. 

You lifted both your brows and kept your eyes on the door beside you, you were still able to hear some mumbling, but the screams had stopped completely. You were invaded by a sentiment of sorrow; you couldn’t imagine what kind of horrors were displayed in his dreams to cause those kind of screams. It was like he was in real pain, not just physical, though. After a couple of minutes and complete silence, you said good night to Sharon and went back to bed, but sleep didn’t return to you that night.

~~~

Your first days as part of the Avengers passed like a speeding bullet. You were always busy with some kind of training: physical, tactics, shooting, espionage skills and so on. However, the heavy rhythm wasn’t unfamiliar to you, since the CIA and SHIELD weren’t exactly playgrounds, so you weren’t bothered by that.

Wanda and Sam started training with you as well, especially on battlefield simulations. Your relationship with both of them developed to a close friendship, so you had a lot of fun training with the pair. You and Sam established a competitive dynamic during the sessions that seemed to amuse everybody around. Well, not everyone… Bucky always seemed to get a little annoyed with that.

The relationship with your main instructor remained cold, but at least another episode like your first sparring together didn’t happen. Neither of you mentioned the unfortunate date anymore and, if you were going to be honest with yourself, some sympathy towards him started to grow on you after hearing his screams that night. But he was closed as a bank safe and restricted the interaction with you to training sessions only. Actually you preferred to keep your distance as well. It was too easy for you to lost track of your feelings around him, so the less contact the better…

You understood why he was appointed as your mentor though. The guy knew his game and always demanded the best of you. You actually appreciated this, because you felt motivated to always raise your level up to his and higher. Among everything else, you were mesmerized by his shooting and sniping skills, you had never seen anything like it. In fact, even if he wouldn’t openly express it, you noticed that he was pleased with your performances as well. Much to your surprise, despite the stony treatment, he started acknowledging your name and stopped calling you Agent after a few trainings together, as a result you felt an opening to start calling him Bucky too.

When you weren’t training or hanging out with Sam and Wanda, you spent most of the time in Tony’s lab, watching him work, listening to his stories and laughing at his remarks. He seemed to enjoy your presence as much as you enjoyed his. You started to wonder if your attachment to the man had anything to do with the fact that he reminded you of your father. You didn’t have many clear memories of him, but one thing that you did remember was how your father was always ready to make you laugh…

Once again, today you found yourself in Tony’s lab. He had you trying on a suit he had designed especially for you.

“So what do you think?” He asked and you saw a smug smile behind you in the mirror reflection.

You took another look at your own image. It was one of the catsuits that you kept asking yourself how in the world could a woman fight in those. However, much to you bewilderment, the black one-piece garment was made from a smooth light material that allowed your body to breath and your movements to run freely. It was like you were wearing nothing and yet everything was held in place. Tony explained that it would adapt to any environment or temperature. Plus, the belt allowed you to fill it with a vast number of weapons of your choice and there were secret compartments on places no one would ever dare to imagine. You couldn’t find the utility of the deep plunge that made your boobs look kind of incredible, though. 

“You’re a freaking genius, Tony,” you complimented the scientist billionaire while spinning in front of the mirror and stretching your legs and arms to test the flexibility of the garment.

The Iron Man smirked mischievously at you “If we’re going to start talking about obvious things here, how about the fact that you look like you’re going to break not just some bad guys’ bones, but also a few hearts on your way?” A whistle escaped his lips as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes to hide that, in fact, you agreed that you were not looking bad at all. The long sleeved piece shaped your form and enhanced your curves, valuing the major strengths of your body.

“Agent Y/N, Sergeant Barnes requests your presence at the outdoor shooting area .” Friday’s voice interrupted your rare moment of self-appreciation, and made you assume that your tireless instructor would like to use your open training window for some more lessons.

“Great!” Tony exclaimed clapping his hands “We can have a taste of how it would work in the field before we replicate it, if there’s something you don’t like just let me know Junior.” He enumerated all the items you should give especial attention to, gave you a kiss on the cheek and practically shoved you to the exit door. 

~~~

When you got to the external area, you spotted Bucky arranging a number of rifles in a row on the floor. You were doing great with small guns, but were having a hard time with rifles, since it wasn’t a weapon you had worked with often.

Aware of your arrival, Bucky leaned up to greet you and whatever he was going to say became a gasp when he took in your suited figure. He seemed at a loss for words and his intense gaze on your body made you take a step backwards and cross your arms on your chest in an attempt to hide in yourself. You couldn’t put a finger on what his agape expression meant, but quickly started to think that he was probably uncomfortable by the view of your unfit form in a catsuit.

“What are you wearing?” He asked, his husky voice almost in a whisper, shifting his eyes from your body to your face.

“I.. uh…” Stuttering mess taking over you once more “Tony, he…uh.. made it for me, I was trying it on when you called me… I can go change,” you pointed your thumb to the inside of the building, motioning to turn your back.

“NO…” he stretched his arms in front of him to stop you “uh…, no, that’s not necessary” He cleared his throat and folded his arms around his chest “You need more practicing with rifles, so I decided to use this moment for it.”

“Ok,” you sheepishly nodded, avoiding his eyes. You walked closer to where he was standing with the rifles by his feet. The feather like suit now seemed heavy on your skin, but you used your forces to concentrate on his instructions instead.

First, he reviewed with you how each rifle functioned and what every little part of them was used for, and what situations each one would be better for. You were listening attentively, it was amazing how much he knew about it. 

When his theory lesson was over, he picked one for himself and shifted to a shooting position. Then, he aimed at the Chitauri holograms below you. This particular open-air section was located on a high floor of the building and the targets were distributed through a vegetation area of the compound.

“See? So it can rest securely by your shoulder, you have to steady the arm that is holding the rifle on its base.” You stepped closer to the stilled metal arm holding the weapon for a better view as he continued in a slow concentrated pace “If you’re standing up, your feet must be grounded on the floor. The main character on the other arm is your index finger that goes on the trigger, you have to relax it, but carefully, so you don’t lose control.” Without warning he took a number of shots, putting down all the targets in the blink of an eye. The sudden attack startled you, but not more than it had impressed you. 

“Wow” You tilted your perplexed face to look at him, but furrowed your eyes, confused to see an expression that screamed regret, and not pride for his astonishing snipping skills.

“Ok, your turn now” He handed over the rifle to you and the usual stoic expression was back. The deadly object seemed strange in your arms, you were used to smaller but not any less lethal guns. You replayed the directions on your mind and took your shots on the now revived Chitauri. After a few shots, one lonely hologram hit the ground. You huffed in a mix of disappointment and shame.

Humiliated with your lack of abilities, you didn’t dare to look at your teacher, afraid of what you would see in his eyes, so you gasped and your body became a rock when you felt a pair of hands holding each side of your waist. “You’re forgetting to pay attention to your core” You felt his breath on your hair behind you and you tried not to take your eyes from the scope when you felt a shiver running down your spine “You have to be aware of it to keep your body steady on the floor.” He kept the flesh hand on your waist and positioned the metal arm under the one you were using to hold the base of the rifle. You shuddered at the cold brought by the appendage through the fabric of your suit contrasting with the warmth of his chest coating your back. Oh, you were very aware of your core now.

“Go.” He commanded and you started shooting again with his body moving in sync with yours. This time you ended up hitting a much higher number of targets, so when your ammunition ran out and you faced your quick progress you were absolutely electrified. You raised your arms in the air “YES!!” you shouted in celebration and unconsciously turned around to hug the man behind you, rifle still in hands while your arms clasped him.

You realized what you were doing when you felt his body congealing under your embrace and his breathing getting stuck in his lungs. You squeezed your eyes shut and tightened your lips, you were giving Bucky Barnes a hug. Holy shit! Like you were holding a ticking bomb, you cautiously disentangled from him bit by bit. You tried to say something in a lousy attempt to make the awkwardness go away “I’m … uhm…”

“We’re done for today Y/N, you can go.” His voice was shaky, but the floor seemed very interesting to you, so you couldn’t say what his expression was.

You handed him the rifle and practically sprinted by him, heading to the door that would get you inside the building and away from the situation. Before you could open it you heard “Y/N?” You turned and you swear your heart melted to see a drop of a smile on Bucky’s lips “You did good today, well done.” You nodded and shifted back to face the door. You opened it smiling wildly at yourself.

~~~

It was late night when screams woke you up again. Bucky’s screams. You knew he was having another nightmare and a wrench surrounded your heart thinking about the horrors that were bound to be going through his mind. Going back to sleep was impossible for you, so you sat on your bed, encircling your knees in your arms you waited for Steve to go and calm him down like it had happened before. By the fourth scream you remembered that Steve wouldn’t come, he was away on a mission and Sharon should be in her own apartment tonight.

An internal battle took place inside you, deliberating what you should do, if there was anything you actually could do. The fifth scream decided for you. “Help me, please.” The pain and horror you heard in it were enough for you to step in and you bolted away from your bedroom.

You entered his room, opening and then shutting the door quietly behind you. What you saw took your breath away. He was crying out loud, tossing and turning, moving his arms around him like he was fighting something or someone. You were willing to help, but didn’t really know what to do. What would Steve do if he was there?

You tried to call him with a low voice from a distance, but it did nothing to stop his struggle. You knew better than to wake him up startled, so you held your breath and stepped closer.

When you got to the side edge of his bed, you slowly sat on your knees on the floor. That close, you were able to see his face contorting in suffering. You heart broke with the pain he was expressing.

He started mumbling, mixing English with what you captured to be Russian. You were able to catch some words he was saying in a tremulous breathy voice: “No, please… I don’t want to do this, don’t make me do this… Don’t kill them, Nooo… Stark… NO”. He screamed again and you instinctively held his hand in yours, making his body stiffen. He wasn’t screaming or talking anymore, but kept crying and breathing harshly.

He looked so helpless and fragile, nothing like the tough, cocksure, intimidating Bucky you’d been experiencing so far. You wiped tears cascading on your own cheeks and started whispering soothing words to him: “It’s ok, you’re safe now… it’s over… your name is James Buchanan Barnes, but you prefer to be called Bucky, your best friend is Steve Rogers, you live in New York city at the Avengers Compound…” You didn’t know where that was coming from, but it seemed to be working since his crying was fading and his breathing slowing down, so you continued muttering things like that to him.

When he seemed calmer, you tried to pull out your hand and get up, but he tightened the hold “Пожалуйста, оставайтесь*. ” *Please, Stay* He was apparently asleep, but his voice was still shaking in fear.

Your broken heart was attacked with a warm feeling. “I’m here… I’m not going anywhere.” You pacified him, happy to be able to help him somehow.

His expressions and voice were much softer when he spoke again “Пожалуйста, оставайтесь, Natalia…”

You ignored the pang that filled your chest and rested your head by the side of the bed before closing your eyes. His hand still entangled with yours.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see a bit of Bucky's POV.

Bucky couldn’t take his gaze away from the soft hand that was entangled with his. He kept his body completely still and was breathing silently, so he wouldn’t wake up the sleeping form next to his bed. Y/N… she looked so peaceful, even if the position she was in was anything but comfortable for someone to sleep. She was sitting on the floor with her back to the wall. Her head leaning on his bed, while she kept her free hand on her lap. He thought about the pain that she was sure to feel after.

It had been the sunlight peeking from the balcony’s curtains that had woken him up to face the guest in his room. His mind hadn’t process right away what had happened, but then he knew… it must have been one of those nightmare filled nights and he probably got loud. Steve wasn’t there so she must have been fed up with his screams and had no choice but to go to him.

It was actually a very familiar scenario for him: a kind female presence soothing his troubled mind at nights. It used to happen before in what now felt like another life. It was a very much different place, and the girl was another trainee of his. Natalia… She was the one who used to take him away from the night terrors in a distant time in the past…Funny, he hasn’t really been thinking about Natasha since…

The day of his date with Y/N cropped up into his mind. It was the same day the redhead spy had gone to that so called solo mission of hers, the one Bucky knew very well was actually a search for Bruce Banner. He’d found out about it minutes before the dinner with Y/N. He had gotten so cranky… he knew he ended up being an asshole during the whole encounter with the girl now holding his hand. Getting late and not apologizing for it, not engaging in any conversation… these were some of the things that made him cringe when he thought about that night.

Not that he was all sunshine and flowers on other days, for that matter. It was still hard for him… it was still damn hard for him to go back to being Bucky, the one Steve kept talking about. He had been more Winter Soldier during his 100 years alive than he had been Bucky, and even if those damn trigger words weren’t a problem anymore, he still felt the son of a bitch inside him every single day, like a tumor fighting his way back. Sometimes, no, most of the times, it was easier for him to let a dark side rise.

Trying to keep the silence in the room, he took a good look at the woman beside him. Her lips were slightly parted and he could hear soft snores while her chest was rising and falling slowly. Her hair was so close to him he could smell the pomegranate scent of her shampoo, he wondered how it would be to breathe that sweet aroma every morning…

He remembered that, while she had gone to the restroom hat night, he became resolved to apologize for his previous behavior and try to start things over. It was Steve that made him think things over after he had phoned his friend to babble every nonsense coming out from his twisted mind. The little punk - ok, not that little anymore, but a punk still -used the winning card against him and, at some point through his characteristic lecture about honor and stuff, he asked what his Ma would think if she were witnessing the way he was treating a dame.

But then, he waited and waited, and realized that she was gone. What audacity! He couldn’t recall ever being ditched like that by a broad, not in a hundred years. Well, he wasn’t exactly being the prince charming he hardly remembered being 70 years ago, but still… It had gotten to his nerves bad.

And then, the next morning came and he found out she was going to be his trainee. Picture that! He couldn’t quite decipher the feelings rising inside him from the whole situation, so he decided it was anger. He knew anger. He used all of this intense feeling in his gut to defy her at their first sparring together. He thought he had her on the ropes, but then… Jesus, what an opponent he had found! She looked so…fierce…yeah…fierce… attacking him like that, physically and verbally, not for a moment holding back or hesitating. He honestly didn’t know what would’ve happened if Steve and Sharon weren’t there…

It only confused him more and, as a matter of fact, he wasn’t so sure about the anger thing anymore. He just lost track of his feelings around her. So he kept his distance… And apparently she was ok with it and kept hers too. But then again, here she was, holding his hand, responsible for him being able to sleep like a baby after a rough nightmare…

He cursed himself for letting out an involuntary loud sigh, which woke her up, alarmed. Bucky remained silent while she glanced at her surroundings seemingly lost about where she was, until her widened eyes crossed his gaze. She drew in a short breath and opened her mouth to speak, but Bucky was quicker “Hey…” he whispered, giving her a tight smile.

He glimpsed her features relaxing, his soft tone apparently calmed her down a little. “Hey…” she returned his greeting and added “I’m sorry, I must have fell asleep, you…”

“I had a nightmare, right? I’m the one who’s sorry for waking you up and… I didn’t hurt you or say anything did I?” He apprehensively asked and got worried when she averted her eyes to answer:

“No, no you didn’t, I heard you screaming and, since Steve isn’t here, I came and…well… you seemed to calm down when I…” She finally realized that her hand was still holding his and tried to pull away, just to be stopped by him, making her frown at the touch.

“You didn’t have to, it’s not your job to do, especially when…” He felt a light tremble on her hand at his words and she forced herself out of his touch, getting up and straightening her pajamas.

“I know it’s not my job, Bucky, but I couldn’t just leave you here screaming on your own, could I? You’d probably prefer someone else here with you, maybe next time you’ll get luckier with that.” She spat and practically sprinted her way out of his room, leaving behind an agape Bucky moving his body to sit on his bed.

What had gone wrong? He was sure things were going well… He huffed and ran his fingers in his hair. He was going to say she didn’t have to do that especially when he hadn’t been exactly nice to her all this while and then she snapped. Interacting with people was hard, but interacting with Y/N seemed an impossible task for him. He sighed staring at the hand that was already missing her touch.

~~~

Throughout the day, Bucky had decided that he would change his attitude towards Y/N, and maybe they could become friends. After all, she seemed a good girl and had made a very nice gesture the night before… Ok, who was he trying to fool? The truth was he just wasn’t able to shake off the warmth he felt in his chest when he woke up next to her, and that only added to the curious feelings he had growing inside him…

He needed more of her, that was the truth.

But what a magnificent failure the “I will be nicer to Y/N” plan had been so far. Every time he was near her it was like words, that already weren’t great friends with him, disappeared from his mind, or when he actually said something it somehow came out as rude. Damn it. She didn’t make it easier on him either, it seemed to him that she was acting more distant than before, like she was shielding herself from him.

It was late in the afternoon, Bucky kept his attentive observation of Y/N’s performance at the simulated battlefield. Sam and Vision were there with her, opposing the holograms. Bucky, in turn, was in the adjacent room watching from the monitors and facing a personal fight against a smile threatening to display on his face. As usual, she was giving her best and succeeding on showing how great of a fighter she was. Bucky had a strict training system, but she had never let him down, always exceeding his expectations, even if he had never told her that.

A grimace won the battle against the smile when he noticed that Y/N and Sam were engaging in that annoying little competition of theirs to see who hit more holograms down. He wondered if there was something going on between those two. They were surely flirting with each other on her first night at the Tower… maybe that was the reason she was backing herself away even more from him.

The pang in his stomach was enough for him to order an end to the training session “We’re done for today.” He abruptly announced through the speakers, drawing disappointed faces from the participants. The simulation was turned off at the gigantic room next to the one in which he stood and the three of them made their way to Bucky. Sam and Y/N were chatting animatedly about the battle, followed be a quiet Vision. 

“So, old man? What do you say? Y/N’s is a hurricane out there right?” Sam shoved him playfully on the shoulder when they approached him. The comment made Y/N giggle, covering her eyes with her hand and, at that moment, Bucky wouldn’t like anything more than break the neck of that Birdie wannabe with just one movement of his metal hand. But instead he barked:

“Simulation is one thing, the real deal is another.” Wait. What? Where did that come from? Fucking words… Giggles were history now, Sam was glaring incredulously at him, Vision was studying Bucky with what seemed like curiosity, and Y/N fixated her gaze on her feet, running her fingers back and forth on the belt of that sinful catsuit of hers. He could use his knife to cut the tension lingering in the atmosphere. 

He genuinely didn’t mean that and was trying to find something to say to amend it, but his blank mind wasn’t helping at all. So, of fucking course, Sam beat him to it.

“Ok,” he slowly pointed, turning his eyes from Bucky to Y/N “My adrenaline is still as high as a mountain, so I’m heading to the gym, join me?” He invited her with a grin. She smiled back at him and nodded, they passed their way out by Bucky. She didn’t spare a glance at him, but he could see the light coming back to her eyes. He tilted his head to watch their backs leaving the room and he hissed when Sam’s arm rested on her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. 

“You know Sergeant Barnes… they’re just friends… for now.” The calm calculated voice made him turn his head, reminding him that he wasn’t alone yet.

“What?” Bucky asked in confusion, narrowing his eyebrows to the red figure next to him.

“It’s very clear that the interaction between Sam and Miss Y/N caused you some…distress.” Vision gesticulated with his arms at the last word, joining his hands together in front of him to continue “They are very good friends at the moment, but my analyses indicate that this might change in the future, especially if you, Sergeant, insist on saying things you noticeably don’t mean and keep hiding away the ones you actually do.” He gave a sympathetic smile at a dumbfounded Bucky and floated away before any protests from the ladder.

That is just terrific, getting social skills advice from an android…

~~~

Bucky had his arms resting on the railing of his apartment’s balcony, one slice of pizza in hand. The city lights always succeeded in helping him clear his mind, a little at least. Sometimes he liked picturing that he was still in the 40’s and if he went down to the city he would find everything exactly like he remembered. But then again, there weren’t so many lights back then, and he was quickly dragged back to his present reality. 

He had skipped dinner in the kitchen with the rest of the group and wasn’t in the mood to go out, even with the Kellys, Nancys and Joanas names popping up incessantly on his cellphone, so he ordered some pizza to eat in his room instead. He didn’t know what to say to Y/N, so he preferred to stay away. Surprise, Surprise.

“… so he called me to stay here and wait for him, since he’s coming back tonight and doesn’t like to be alone after missions…” He had shoved the last bit of pizza inside his mouth when he heard Sharon’s voice very close to him after the creaking sound of a door opening.

“That’s good Shar, I really needed to talk to you.” The slightly anxious voice he recognized as Y/N’s. Since her room was right beside his, it wasn’t hard for him to hear them, especially when he was on the balcony. His first reaction was turning around to get inside and try to give them some privacy, which would be just as hard with his enhanced ability, but he stood still quirking an eyebrow high when his name was mentioned. 

“It’s Bucky…” he heard Y/N sighing “I mean, what’s his deal? I’m giving my all to this job, this training, and most of the time it seems like my work is nothing but second-rate for him. I’m not stupid, I know I’m not that bad, but sometimes I feel like… like Jeff was right, I will never be good enough in anything.” Bucky’s chest got tight with how she thought he valued her work and also captured her voice cracking, especially when she spoke that name. Who the hell is Jeff?

“Oh come on, let’s not even mention that jerk.” Yeah Sharon, this Jeff is a jerk. “Of course you’re doing amazing, I’ve worked with you a great part of my life, I know exactly how good you are… And I bet Bucky sees it too, it’s just that… I don’t know… He`s not that great at showing what he’s feeling or thinking.” Bucky snorted and shook his head. It was awkward for him to hear them talking about him like that, but he simply couldn’t stop listening.

“I thought you said he was doing fine when you set me up with him…”

“And he is, he is… you have no idea how he was when he arrived here, he could only speak with Steve or… Natasha.” Bucky remembered that time, Sharon was right, it took him a while to start interacting with the others.

There was a moment of silence before Y/N spoke again, almost in a murmur “What’s going on between them, Bucky and Natasha?”

The question startled Bucky, wondering why she would ask something like that. It seemed like Sharon had the same reaction “Why do you ask?”

“Just tell me Sharon…” Y/N pleaded and Bucky wasn’t moving a finger, waiting for the outcome of the conversation.

“Ok,” Sharon faltered, but continued “It seems like they had a thing a long time ago when he was, well… not Bucky. Something related to the Red Room, where she… you know. So, when he arrived here, he was pining over her again. But Nat is in love with someone else, and as far as I know, he backed off.” Bucky instinctively folded his arms around his chest, he wasn’t comfortable with where this conversation was going.

“Not so much, clearly…” The quick answer and the bitter tone used by Y/N intrigued him.

“Why, did he tell you something?” Did he?

He could tell Y/N was hesitating, but then she started talking again, telling Natasha about the night before. Apparently he had called her “Natalia” while she was calming him from the nightmare. He didn’t find it odd at all, he probably had a flashback from when Natasha used to do this for him. But his heart sank when Y/N kept her narrative:

“…and I didn’t tell you everything about our date. I- I didn’t go to the toilet with the idea to leave. I came back to the table, meaning to try again, but then I overheard him talking to Steve, I guess, saying how much he was not enjoying my company and that I had nothing on Natasha, that I was not slightly as amazing, if I recall it right, so I just couldn’t be there anymore and took off.”

Shit, Shit, Shit. Fucking dumbass. They kept talking, he recognized a hurtful tone coming from Y/N’s voice and heard that Jeff name again, but that was it for Bucky, he grabbed a jacket and went out, opening his door quietly, not wanting to violate any more of her privacy. He had done enough already. He couldn’t believe how much of an asshole he had been to Y/N even when he wasn’t aware of it. Of course she would leave the date. Of course she would keep her distance from him. He understood now. It was his fault entirely, no one else’s.

Bucky spent hours wandering through the streets, the words he had said to the Steve on the phone kept replaying in his mind and he felt ashamed that Y/N had heard that. She didn’t deserve it. The date wasn’t really going that well, but he was the one to blame, not her, he sees that now. He kept beating himself up thinking about all the encounters he had had with Y/N after that and how she possibly has been thinking less of herself, because of him. She actually had said that to Sharon. How would he fix this now? Would it be fixable at all?

Among all those thoughts drifting through Bucky’s mind, something didn’t escape from his attention: how much those words she had overheard that night seemed meaningless to him now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky seeks some help to make things right with you.

While he dragged the towel over his body to dry himself from the recently taken shower, Bucky realized that nightmares hadn’t visited him that night. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that he almost hadn’t slept at all, his mind invaded with thoughts…about Y/N. He questioned himself if she would come to him again if he had another nightmare…

He couldn’t stop the urge to try and make things better with her. Last night, he had listened in her voice how much he had been hurting her, ever since they first met, and that just didn’t work well in his head. He had to fix it. But how?

It was obvious that he couldn’t do this alone. He had tried to get along with her the day before, but all he accomplished was to make her feel unconfident about her work skills. He needed help. So, he dressed himself with a white tank top and dark grey sweatpants before going out of his room to seek the assistance of the only person he would feel comfortable to talk to about all of that. After all, the punk had a girlfriend now, maybe he had learned something…

He knocked at his friend’s door and was greeted by the girlfriend herself, who opened the door wearing pajamas and a not that friendly face.

“Good morning, Sharon.” He tried to form a smile to the visibly upset blonde.

“How can I help you?” She was glaring at him when she ignored his greeting, folding her arms around her body and bouncing her leg impatiently. Bucky knew damn well the reason of her unusual annoyance towards him. She had recently found out what an idiot he had been with her best friend during the date she had been responsible for setting up.

“I… um… is Steve here?” He sheepishly asked and bit his inner cheek.

She huffed before answering “He’s at the gym.” Bucky’s eyes widened when she closed the door at his face without saying anything else. Jesus, she was certainly done with him, the girl was always so sweet… It only made the disturbing guilty feeling in his gut worse.

~~~

He had found Steve hitting a punching bag in the gym and joined him in the same activity with a parallel one. The place was deprived from anyone else but the super soldiers, what, in fact, was a common event; since the two of them were the ones that didn’t need that much sleep and always met at the gym in the early hours. Between punches, grunts and sweat falling down his body he told Steve his recent dilemmas, punctuating the conversation he had heard at the balcony the night before.

“So that’s why Sharon was so cold to me when I came back from the mission last night.” Steve breathlessly said, stopping his bag with both hands looking at the other super soldier “She must be thinking I indulged your comments about Y/N on the phone, since I didn’t tell her anything about it. Thank you so much jerk…” He sarcastically pointed out. 

“Can we focus on the real problem here, punk?” Bucky also stopped the ministrations against the bag, retorting to the Captain with a scowl “The thing is, I messed up, and now I don’t fucking know what to do, whenever I’m around her, no matter how hard I try I end up saying the wrong thing or saying nothing at all, even Vision called me out on this, for Christ’s sake…Vision…” he exasperatedly sighed.

Steve took a good look at his friend, who had come back to the assault against the poor bag, mumbling curses under his breath. Never, not once had Bucky sought his help with women issues. Obviously not in the 40’s, when girls fell down in line at his feet and not even when he came back and got rejected by Natasha. He had just drowned the subject inside of him and begun his show of skirt chasing all over again, but in a much more depressing version.

He remembered Sharon saying she had a feeling about Bucky and Y/N … He wondered if the woman was, in fact, right…

He inhaled a long breath to give him time to think of what to say. “Ok…Ok…” Steve crossed his body with one arm to hold the other, leading the free hand to grip his chin, he had his eyebrows knitted together, forcing his brain to work and try to help his friend.

“So you’re lousy at giving her feedback about her job… you suck at talking to her socially… ” Steve was speaking to himself now, staring at the floor and alternating from gesticulating and resting his hand back at his jaw. Bucky frowned at the comments, but didn’t say a thing to contradict his friend, knowing that he was right, but stopped the punching attack to pay attention at his line of thought while he kept mumbling “You can’t just go and apologize for what you said in the restaurant, or she’ll find out you were listening and could mess things up even more at this point…You need an opportunity to interact with her and develop your relationship somehow…”

Suddenly, Bucky was startled by Steve gasping and opening his arms, the face of the Captain lit up and Bucky was waiting for the shout of “Eureka!” But instead the blonde said: “My simulation training today.” He looked at Bucky like the latter knew what he was talking about, but all the soldier did was shrug and curl down his lips, shaking his head confusedly.

“I scheduled a simulation training with the team today, I’ll be coordinating, so I’ll be the one who will lead and give feedback to everybody afterwards, Y/N included. I can pair you two together for a task and it could be a start for you to have a different kind of exchange with her, you’d be working together, but on the same level. There’s a difference” Steve explained, proud of his idea. 

Now Bucky was the one grabbing his jaw in a pensive way. He considered the situation and it actually wasn’t that bad. He hadn’t yet fought side by side with Y/N, usually he wasn’t even part of the simulations, only instructing and evaluating her from afar. Maybe this would actually mean an opportunity to change the perspective of their interaction.

“Ok, I think you might have a point.” Bucky agreed nodding, which accentuated Steve’s self-assured smirk. Bucky twisted his lips in a hopeful smile and turned himself to punching the bag again. Steve followed on his own bag, but didn’t fail on noticing that the smile refused to leave his friend’s face, so he didn’t have much choice besides forming one for himself too.

~~~

You had your hands linked behind your back and your bottom lip trapped between your teeth, nervously waiting for Captain America. This was the first time you were going to join a full team training, well at least with everyone that was available.

At the training yard stood, besides you, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision and even Clint Barton, to whom you were introduced that very same day. You had a really good impression of him, he sounded like one of those dads who wouldn’t miss an opportunity to embarrass his kids in front of their friends to teach a lesson. You liked that. 

Everyone, but you and Bucky, were chatting with each other. You were too nervy to engage in any kind of conversation and Bucky, who was standing right next to you, was… being Bucky you guessed, and wasn’t helping with your anxiety. You felt him glancing at you occasionally and with the corner of your eyes you spotted him twiddling his fingers anxiously, like he was waiting for something that wouldn’t come fast enough. You weren’t able to imagine what could be making him so restless, it wasn’t like it was his first team training after all.

The chitchat noise became silence when the building’s door opened showing Steve and Tony walking to join you, both fully suited, just like everybody else.

“Yeah Yeah, that’s right, Senior Teacher in the room, everybody quiet…” Tony exclaimed, making precisely no one laugh, but you, of course, his faithful audience.

He smiled at you and placed himself on your other side, making you stand between him and Bucky. You narrowed your brows when you sensed your mentor’s body becoming rigid beside you with Tony’s approach. It made you remember that you had heard him screaming Stark’s name during his nightmare. There was certainly something between those two that you didn’t know about.

“Good afternoon, everyone.” Steve greeted in a formal tone “Today we’re going to simulate a search for intel and prisoners at a hostile facility. The simulation is quite close to a real Hydra place, that was discovered during my last mission…” You couldn’t help but admire him in his full Captain mode, it was fascinating how much respect he imposed and locked everyone’s attention to him, even Tony’s.

You listened attentively his detailed explanation and description of what everybody had to do. He wouldn’t be part of the action and would stay at the control room, giving instructions through the comms. Sam, Vision and Tony would cover the air space from any possible threats, Wanda and Clint would stay on the external ground and you and Bucky… You and Bucky???? You stopped breathing… you and Bucky would go into the internal area of the location for gathering the intel and look for hostages.

You couldn’t ignore the hammering inside your chest and sweat dampening your hands, while the realistic holograms of the facility rose at your surroundings. Everybody moved to their spots to get ready, including you and Bucky, who was walking quietly at your side, until you both stopped at the artificial door in front of you. You hadn’t looked at him yet, but certainly he wasn’t happy with this either. 

You had expected to work with Sam or Wanda, since you had been training with them a lot. Despite strongly disagreeing with his decision; you wouldn’t dare to question your Captain, especially on your first class with him. Everybody else seemed to agree with the division, so why would you stand out? But if you were sure of anything it was that this training would be a disaster. How would you and Bucky be able to work as a pair? It was one thing for him to give you instructions and judge your performances, one totally different was to cooperate with each other on an equal level.

A husky voice interrupted your accelerated thoughts. “Nervous?” Your partner tightened his lips after the question, looking down at you. His tone was almost kind and it only confused you more.

“A little…” you finally nodded after a long moment of scrutinizing his face looking for any signs that would prove he was mocking you, but finding none. “It’s my first training with the whole team… and with the Captain, so…” you sighed looking back at the door.

“Just do what you always do, then I’m sure you’ll be fine.” His voice was so low that you decided that you must had heard him wrong… either way, those words that he certainly hadn’t said went straight to your heart and ran down to your legs, making them a little numb.

But, as soon as your Captain’s voice started the countdown through the comms you regained the force on your body, striking an attack position, gun in hands, waiting for the command. 

Once it came, Bucky furiously kicked the door opened and you two were welcomed by three virtual agents, that were taken down easily. As you were going further in the building more hostiles would appear, but everything you were thinking would go wrong about the training was very far from the reality that you were facing.

You and Bucky fought in perfect sync, when he needed back up you were there to give his opponent an arm wrench. When a virtual bullet was aimed at you his metal arm was there to block it. Your guns became his and vice versa. It was like you had spent a lifetime fighting beside him. In less than fifteen minutes you had the hard drive with the intel and he had found the place where the prisoners were captive.

Guiding the safe and sound hologram hostages, you found your way back out together and were greeted by a cheering team while the simulation was turned off. Among hugs and handshakes your eyes met Bucky’s and your lips mirrored the smile he was aiming at you. Maybe you and Bucky Barnes were not that bad of a match after all…

~~~

You and the others headed to the control room where Steve was waiting. Bucky was walking by your side a little ahead of the rest of the group and you kept talking about the recent simulation. You both were bringing up each other’s highest points, and how it had led to the success of the “mission”, like old colleagues exchanging compliments. You just couldn’t believe that this Bucky Barnes was the same Bucky from all those days. He was talking non-stop about your performance and other parts of the training with enthusiasm, displaying a genuinely satisfied expression on his face. You could get used to this Bucky, you thought.

“Y/N, Bucky, great job you two, I’m honestly impressed.” Steve grinned and held yours and Bucky’s shoulder shaking your bodies intensely when you entered the room. “I think we found a pair for life here.” He winked at you, but the grin quickly disappeared from his expression when he turned to face Bucky “For missions, I mean.” He added, clearing his throat and letting go of your arms.

You felt your cheeks burning and smiled timidly, pretending not to understand Steve’s innuendo and his exchange with Bucky. You wouldn’t dare to look at the latter, but you could feel his discomfort too.

Thank God, the rest of the team made their way in. “Ok, so Cap has just arrived from a kickass successful mission, Junior here rocked the training; I think we have a lot to celebrate. Small get together tonight. It’s settled.” Tony announced and raised his hand high to you, getting enthusiastic sounds from the team. Your smile widened, but you rolled your eyes, you were very aware now of his concept of small get togethers. Then again, you were in a mood to celebrate, so you kind of liked the idea and accepted his high five tapping your hand on his raised one.

With the team now dispersed by the prospect of the party, there was nothing more that Steve could do but dismiss everyone, promising to give individual feedbacks at another time.

“So? Gym?” Sam invited and offered his arm to you. You two had developed the habit of going for a run on the treadmills after training sessions to ease down the adrenaline. You didn’t know exactly what made you look at Bucky before responding, but you did. He was staring at you but averted his eyes to the floor when you caught him looking.

“Yeah… of course, let’s go.” You directed your gazed back at Sam, accepting his arm.

Before you two left the room, you stopped and turned once again to Bucky, who was now supporting his body with his hands against a desk, half sitting on it and still contemplating the floor beneath him. “See you later, Bucky? At the party?” you asked expectantly, biting the corner of your lower lip.

He watched you for a moment before responding with the sweetest smile you had ever seen, bringing fluttering butterflies to your stomach “Yeah, see you there…” he nodded, never breaking the adorable curve off of his lips.

Steve had his face buried in a locker, but his chuckle made itself audible. You hurriedly pulled Sam out of the room, not acknowledging his quizzical look shifting from you to Bucky. 

~~~

You took a last look at the mirror. Tonight you were feeling good and weren’t displeased by the reflection you were taking in. You decided to use a short red bodycon dress you had bought right after the break-up with Jeff. It was the kind of outfit that you could have never used around your now ex-boyfriend, or else you would have heard how much that kind of dress wasn’t made for your body type, how slutty you looked with that color or how much the queen-anne neckline squeezed your unshaped boobs.

Actually, you wouldn’t even have bought it if it wasn’t for Sharon practically shoving it in your bag and stealing your wallet to pay for it. Even after your split from Jeff, you still hadn’t gathered the courage to wear it. But tonight you were wearing it and thought you were looking fabulous. You had curled your hair, letting it drop to the side over your shoulder and added some effort to the make-up, finishing it with a red lipstick that matched your dress.

You weren’t used to all that work for getting ready, so you were already late for the event. Not wanting to waste any more time, you put on your black heels, grabbed your purse and headed off to the party room.

Just like you expected, the area was crowded and the party was already vibrating with people dancing, drinking, talking and laughing. How Tony’s staff was able to make those kinds of “small get-togethers” happen on such short notice you would never know.

As you passed by the mass of people, you recognized some faces from your team back at SHIELD and even from CIA. Some of them stopped to greet you and catch up, but your attention was seeking someone else, so you politely excused yourself and kept going further into the party.

You felt a hand pulling your arms and you turned to meet a very exasperated Sharon. “Didn’t you hear me calling?” She queried looking worried and you noticed the clenching of her jaw.

“No, I left my phone charging. Why, what happened?” you anxiously asked, your mind racing with catastrophic possibilities that could have left her that way.

“He’s here.” she informed you with a quieter voice and letting go of your arm.

“Who? Who is here?” you insisted, still not catching what your friend was trying to say to you.

“Y/N Y/L/N, long time no see.” You didn’t have to turn around to know to whom that voice coming from behind you belonged. That was the same voice that spent the last two years of your life putting you down, making you feel unworthy and now was causing a shiver to run down your spine, not the good kind though. You widened your eyes at Sharon, who was gently shaking her head. You knew she was trying to calm you down with her facial expression.

You slowly moved around to face the owner of the voice, he was smirking at you with a glass of whisky in hand, measuring your figure head-to-toe and narrowing his eyes in a clear disapproval sign.

“Jeff?” you barely whisper, trying to control your uneasy breathing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You face your past.

Probably prompted by the crack of your voice, Sharon’s hand landed on the small of your back and you sighed gratefully that she was there by your side. Jeff’s face was definitely one you would never dare to imagine you would see that night, but he was there, staring at you with that smug smirk so characteristic of him.

“Surprised to see me, babe?” You grimaced at the pet name while he took a sip from his whisky, never diverting his gaze from you. If you had already eaten dinner it would have been discharged right there and then.

“Yeah, I guess you can say that.” Somehow you managed to control your breathing, concealing your discomfort and forcing yourself to answer. You clutched one hand at the shoulder strap of your purse and continued “May I ask you what you are doing here? As far as I knew the Agency kept you in Berlin.”

“Ouch babe, you sound like you’re not happy at all to see me.” He put on a sarcastic disappointed expression, shaking his head and clicking his tongue against his teeth. You wanted nothing more than to punch that expression off his face, but Sharon’s touch against your back helped you to remain calm.

You didn’t acknowledge his comment, so he answered your question. “I’m here for an assignment, but as much as I hate to disappoint you, I’m not staying for long.” He winked at you, making you bite at your inner cheeks. “I’m here with Brad.” He pointed at the man beside him and you finally noticed standing next to him one of your former SHIELD colleague. Brad had an apologetic look when he greeted you.

“Well, have fun.” You smile at Brad halfheartedly “Let’s go, Shar?” You called your friend, who immediately started walking you away without once directing a word at your ex-boyfriend.

“Hey, hey, I’m here in peace.” He raised his arms to the air, and blocked your way out, standing in front of you. You huffed impatiently and looked up at him, while he lowered his arms. “When Brad told me the news I had to see it for myself. So my girl became an Avenger now, huh?”

The effort you were making to remain composed so far was reaching its peak and you spat, “I’m not your girl, now excuse me…”

He blocked your passage again, ignoring your retort. “Humm, I wonder what you had to do to get here…but then again,” he looked down at your dress “it might be more suitable to ask who you had to do…”

“Listen, you asshole…” Sharon snapped advancing towards Jeff, but you held her back, pulling her by the arm.

“It’s not worth it, Sharon,” you serenely pointed out. To your own surprise the words he had directed at you hadn’t had the effect they certainly would have not so long ago, and you pulled her once again in an attempt to leave.

But, one more time he stopped you. However, your unresponsiveness might have seriously annoyed him “Don’t you fucking turn your back on me while I’m speaking,” he scolded and violently grabbed your elbow, making you lose balance and trip on your heels, almost falling flat to the floor if it weren’t for the support of your other hand on Sharon. 

Before you could react, you spotted a spark of shining metal and felt him being jerked away from your arm. You didn’t know where Bucky had come from, but there he was, effortlessly holding Jeff against a pillar with the metal hand on his shoulder. It was almost comical to see Jeff trying to get away with scared wide eyes. His glass of whisky was shattered on the floor and Brad was right beside them, not moving a finger.

Just a few people close to you seemed to notice the distress, so it didn’t cause a great disturbance in the party still going on around you.

“Do you know who I am?” Bucky inquired with a steady, low voice that caused different kinds of trembles in both you and Jeff.

“I said, do you know who I am?” Your mentor once again asked, pausing in between every word with a much more evident menacing tone and a murderous glare.

Jeff glimpsed the metal hand from the corner of his eyes and stammered “Y-yes, I-I do.”

“Good, then let me tell you something, pal.” Bucky faked a friendly tone that was quickly replaced by a threatening voice when he kept up. “All of the things you’ve heard about me are true. Every single one of them. Touch her like that one more time and you’ll never see me coming, got it?”

Jeff was completely petrified, except for the quiver on his lips, that apparently stopped him from answering. You and Sharon both stood agape, hypnotized by the scene before you.

“Do. You. Got. It?” Bucky asked between the clench of his teeth one more time. You hissed when you noticed his fingers tightening the grip against Jeff’s shoulder, making him gasp.

“Yes, yes. I do, I do.” He breathlessly answered in a pained voice.

“Now apologize.”

With no hesitation Jeff gave you his attention and sheepishly murmured “I’m sorry.”

You didn’t respond directly to him, but just nodded at Bucky, who instantly let go of his shoulder. Jeff reached for the spot with his other hand, not daring to look at you or Bucky again, turning to Brad, who still seemed a bit awestruck.

Bucky stepped his way in front of you. “Are you ok?” He asked in a soft tone, much different from the one he was using with Jeff, and gently examined your arm with his fingers, frowning at the spot where Jeff had grabbed. You didn’t know how to react to what had just happened. You were torn between your independent woman brain shouting that you didn’t need a man to speak for you and the fact that your insides was turning into a puddle, joining forces with your fluttering heart to make your lips to quirk in a cheesy smile.

You couldn’t take your eyes away from him, and you were going to respond that you were just fine, but your dumbass of an ex-boyfriend must have had a suicidal tendency, because you heard, “So that’s it, I get it. She’s the Winter Soldier’s bitch now.” Jeff bitterly taunted to Brad, who widened his eyes at the comment, looking directly at you.

Bucky had heard that too, but he didn’t have the time to do anything. Instead, he found himself admiring what he thought to be the most beautiful sight that had met his eyes. The jerk was once again locked against the pillar, but this time it was the sole of your shoe that was holding him there by the neck. Bucky would be damned if that practically bare stretched leg about to strangle a man wasn’t the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his life.

“You listen very carefully, you fucker,” you snarled at Jeff who was sporting an expression that oscillated between horror and astonishment. “If you ever talk about or to me like that… even better, if you ever do so much as breathe the same air as me ever again, you will find out exactly the reason why I became an avenger.” You pressed the sole a little harder making him whimper. “Now get the fuck out of my house.” You kicked lightly at his cheeks before he stormed his way out of the party and hopefully out of your life for good, followed on queued by Brad.

When the red that was covering your vision faded away you noticed a circle of people around you clapping and cheering, like the show they had witnessed was actually some attraction of the party. You turned around, straightening down your dress that had come up a bit by your impromptu attack move, and met Sharon, who was clapping and laughing uncontrollably, joining voices with the cheering little crowd.

You crossed gazes with Bucky, who was standing right next to Sharon, staring deeply at you, his lower lip caged between his teeth. You saw a glimpse of pride in his expression, but there was also something else that erupted a heat in your insides that ran up to your cheeks.

Like there was a magnet dominating your body, you ignored everyone else and got yourself closer to him. “I need some fresh air, do you wanna get out of here?” you invited without thinking or breathing. Your lungs found air again when he nodded and pulled you by the hand, guiding you to the elevator. At this point you wouldn’t even dare to look at Sharon, knowing exactly the kind of face you would see.

~~~

“I can definitely add some extra points to your training evaluation for tonight,” Bucky teased you while the elevator’s door opened giving you two access to the outrageously high rooftop.

“Oh God, I’m so embarrassed now, all those people watching…” You covered your eyes with your hands and shook your head, heading side by side with him to sit on one of the sofas that decorated the place. You were really glad that Bucky had taken you there; you loved the rooftop, and had been to the place a lot before when you were in need for some quiet with the most mesmerizing view of the city. “I’m really sorry, Bucky” you shamefully sighed while you made yourself comfortable, sitting next to him on the couch.

“Don’t apologize for standing up for yourself.” He quickly said, turning his front to you, resting his left arm on the leather sofa’s back and sitting on his leg. “That douche is a chicken, but he’s bad business, I can tell.”

You chuckled at his observation “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” You were sitting with both feet down on the floor staring straight ahead at the city lights.

“May I ask you who he is?” He quietly asked and you inferred by his attitude and choice of words that you really wouldn’t have to answer if you didn’t want to. But you did.

“His name is Jeff, he’s my ex-boyfriend.” You heard Bucky exclaiming an “Oh” in a tone of realization, but thought nothing of it and concluded “Long story short, I spent two terrible years of my life with him, I ended things a few months before I get here and hadn’t seen him until tonight.” You gave him a tight-lipped smile and turned your gaze back to the view.

Bucky remained quiet, but couldn’t avert his eyes from your figure. He thought you looked so goddamn beautiful. He wished he had Steve’s talent with the pencil so he could draw you just like you were at that moment…Your hair falling on your shoulders, a little disheveled by the wind, your delicate hands holding your adorable little purse on your lap, the movement of your chest in the rhythm of your breathing, your plump lips tinted in red and your sparkling eyes watching the city. That was a true piece of art.

“I’m sorry you had to see him again.” Bucky finally broke the silence and stepped out of his own personal daze.

You were startled by his gentle, yet husky voice and looked back at him. “Don’t be,” you answered with a reassuring smile. “I’m actually glad I saw him. I realized that he doesn’t affect me anymore. At least not nearly as much as he used to.”

Bucky gave a satisfied nod at your words and you turned your body in his direction, mirroring his sitting position to look right at him. 

“I love to come up here, especially when it’s dark, it’s so beautiful isn’t it?” You asked gesturing with your head to the illuminated view. 

“It’s stunning.” Bucky agreed, never taking his eyes from yours, which made the now familiar butterflies make an appearance in your tummy. The intensity of his gaze became too much and you couldn’t help but divert yours down.

Bucky cleared his throat and caught up with the subject, looking away from you “I come here a lot too…mostly when I can’t sleep. The lights bring me this sort of…peace, I guess.” You were once again looking at him, listening attentively to what he was saying. “I enjoy the blur aspect that it all gets from up here. Like there’s no definition to what you see and you can imagine whatever you want out of it. Do you know what I mean?” He looked back at you expectantly.

“Uhmm, no, not really.” You guiltily admitted shaking your head, making you both laugh.

“Well…” he resumed his explanation. “…for example, sometimes when I look at the city lights at night from this height, even when it’s just for a moment, I’m capable of imagining myself back in New York in the 40’s, since I’m not really seeing it like it is today from up close.” He aimed a sad smile at you that caused a pang in your chest. So many times before, you caught yourself wondering what it would be like to be in his shoes or Steve’s, and it never seemed to be a very pleasant feeling.

“Do you miss it?” You cautiously asked, afraid to be crossing a line. That whole conversation thing with Bucky was new and you really didn’t know how far it would be safe to go.

“Yeah, of course I do.” He responded with no reluctance, seemingly unbothered by the question. “But, then again, recently more than before, I’ve been thinking of everything I would be missing if things wouldn’t have played out the way they did and I weren’t here today.” He concluded smiling sweetly at you.

For some reason his answer warmed your heart and you grinned back at him before you both got back to the view and became silent.

You were glad to notice that there was nothing uncomfortable about that silence, unlike most of the moments you had spent with him until then.

“Do you wanna get back to the party?” Bucky asked. You had no idea how much time had passed before he spoke again.

“Umm, No, I think I’ll stay a little longer.” You shook your head in response “Ahm… But feel free to go if you want to, it’s ok.” You added not really meaning what you were saying.

“I’ll stay,” he assured you, making you smile again, which was becoming a recurring event.

Through the quietness, Bucky’s mind drifted to questioning just how screwed he really was as he realized that there was no other place he’d rather be.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a confrontation with Bucky.

You woke up feeling a nice warmth coating your face. Yet, there was also a coolness around your back contrasting the heat. The bright light brought by the sun above you made you squint your eyes as soon as you opened them. You were still on the rooftop. Your legs were curled up on the soft cushion of the sofa and your upper-body was resting on a broad structure, which you found to be Bucky’s chest. He was still asleep, leaning his head back on the sofa’s arm, both legs at your sides, one falling to the floor, the other straightened in front of him on the cushion, flesh hand behind his head, left arm holding you securely against him.

How the hell you both got into that position with you laying upon him you would never know, but if you were going to be true to yourself, you would have to say you weren’t missing your comfortable king size bed at all, not even a bit. While your body swayed up and down following the movements of his breathing, you remembered being up there for hours the night before with him by your side, doing not much more than looking at the city.

Neither of you had made the first move to leave the place, so you must have fallen asleep there. Together. Cuddling. As impossible as it would seem a couple of days ago.

You couldn’t identify the exact moment when things between you and Bucky started evolving to where they were now. Also, you wouldn’t be able to define what was really happening or precisely where things in fact were. You didn’t even want to think about the possible consequences for you. To be honest, all you wanted to focus on was how warm his chest felt and how pleasant the light scent of lavender coming from his henley was.

The soft snores slipping from his lips were working like a sweet lullaby for you and your eyelids became heavy again. You were almost drifting back to sleep when you remembered you had a meeting scheduled with Steve first thing in the morning and by the intensity of the sun, there was a big chance you were already late.

Sighing in frustration, you unhurriedly started lifting your body with your hand on Bucky’s chest to try and disentangle yourself from him, fighting against not just the desire to keep physically linked to him, but also against the weight of the heavy metal arm that was holding you firmly. However, before you could achieve your half-hearted attempt to move up, you were pushed back by the incredibly strong metal appendage, forcing your chin to bump against the wall of muscles. It made a stupid giggle slip out of your lips. You watched as Bucky opened his eyes.

You thought he would be alarmed once he noticed the position you both were in, but instead he smiled widely when he saw your face so close to his. “Good Morning,” he greeted, sleepiness making his voice even huskier than normal.

“Good Morning.” You returned the smile. “I guess we fell asleep,” you observed, running your eyes to your surroundings.

He chuckled at your obvious statement “I guess the party is over too,” he added, cocking up his eyebrows.

“Well, maybe not, we all know how those small parties of Tony´s can get,” you remarked with no exaggeration intended in your statement. 

“Yeah, yeah… you’re right.” Bucky agreed with a breathy laugh.

His eyes lingered on yours and you both remained silent for a while, like waking up entwined on a sofa at the rooftop was something customary and natural for you. And it really felt that way… All of a sudden,realization hit that neither of you had moved a finger to get out from where you were.

“I have to get downstairs, Steve scheduled a meeting with me and I’m pretty sure I’m late,” you said, barely able to conceal the regret in your voice.

“You should go then, Steve can be a pain in the ass when he’s left waiting,” he advised you, but only moved his arm from your back when you forced yourself to lift up pushing your hands against his chest.

In the process of getting up you felt his hand sliding from your back to your shoulders and running down the length of your arm, causing goosebumps to erupt in his path. The cold of his metal palm wrapped around your hand once you were fully seated on the cushion and Bucky worked his body up to a sitting position facing you, crossing his legs on the couch.

“Are you ok?” he questioned in nothing but a whisper while caressing your knuckles back and forth with his thumb.

During the night, between the long moments of silence you ended up telling him more about your relationship with Jeff and how he used to make you feel, like you were never good enough and wouldn’t be able to make someone other than him like you. You noticed that sometimes Bucky seemed like he had something to tell you, but he never came to it, and you didn’t push it either.

“I’m ok, yeah…” you replied, looking at him and said “Thank you Bucky…for last night.”

“Don’t thank me, the guy is a fat-head.” He jeered.

You chuckled at the old fashioned term “Yes, he is, but I don’t mean just that… Thank you for putting up with my bullshit.” Self-consciousness made you avert your eyes from him.

Your heart skipped a beat when you felt his lips touching the back of your hand and turned to him before he broke the sweet gesture. It was really hard to breathe and control the erratic beating of your heart when you took in the sight and sensed the velvet of his lips on your skin. Where has this gentle Bucky been hiding all this time? You remembered Sharon once saying how sweet of a guy he could actually be and finally began to see the meaning behind her words.

“Your feelings are not bullshit. I’m sorry someone made you feel that way. And I’m even more sorry because I know at some point I made you feel like that too, like you’re not good enough…” he trailed off and rested his hand and yours locked together on his lap, staring at them.

There it was, once again you felt like he wanted to tell you something but was holding back. To you, however, what he had just said was sufficient to make you understand that Bucky wasn’t really an expert with words and was trying to tell you that you have been doing good in your training, despite everything he had expressed – or not - so far.

You tightened the hold on his hands and gave him a reassuring smile when he lifted his head up to look back at you with the most endearing heart-melting eyes that resembled the ones of a lost puppy.

The sound of his cell phone ringing inside of his pocket made you both jump. You let go of his hand to allow him to grab the screaming device with the incoming call. He laughed and showed you the screen with Steve’s name on it.

“Hey, whats up, punk?” he answered, still looking at you, waiting for the reply on the other side. “Y/N?” He repeated, arching his brow in a questioning gesture. You widened your eyes and shook your head franticly. You thought about the complications of having to explain the circumstances of you spending the night with Bucky on the roof.

“No, of course she’s not with me, why would she be with me.” He responded nonchalantly and you silently thanked him. “Oh, Sharon said that?” He emphasized the name to you and your eyes rolled. You waved your hand for him to continue.

“But no, pal, I haven’t seen her since yesterday.” He shrugged and you waited for the outcome, brushing your hands together. “Ok, ok, if I see her I’ll let her know you’re looking for her, don’t worry, but I’m sure she’ll show up soon, 10 minutes isn’t even that late, jerk.” He stayed silent opening his mouth impatiently and mimicking Steve talking with his hand, compelling you to suppress a laugh. “Ok, see ya.”

He turned off his phone and addressed you “You should go, he’s all Captain America looking for you, if you don’t show up soon there’ll be a mission to rescue you.” He talked amusedly. “I’ll wait a bit to go down, it’s better that way.” You were glad that he understood.

“Yes, it is.” You nodded and moved yourself to leave after grabbing your purse from the floor. “Thank you again, Bucky, for real.” You turned to him one more time and he gave another of those delightful winks of his, making you walk to the elevator with a smile plastered on your lips and a warmth tickling your cheeks.

~~~

You changed yourself in record time and flew your way to Cap’s office, but still managed to get there 30 minutes after the scheduled time. You never thought you would catch yourself at the principal’s office after you finished school, but yet there you were, being lectured not by a school principal but by Captain America himself.

You were seated still on the chair by his desk while he gave you a speech about the importance of always carrying your cell phone with you and letting people know where you were. When you thought he was finally done he added:

“I would be losing my mind looking for you if Friday hadn’t told me that you were on the rooftop with Bucky.”

The hands that were resting on your lap instantly formed a grip on your thighs, making your shoulders go rigid. Your eyes widened at a smirking Steve. “What…I-I…don’t …” you were only able to babble.

“Shhhh… no need to explain yourself, dear.” He stopped you with his hand up and a light shake of his head, seemingly quite entertained by your stuttering. “I just find it cute that you and that asshole thought you could really hide something from me, or from anyone that lives in this building, for that matter,” he concluded, apparently very pleased with himself.

How could you forget about that sneaky traitor of an A.I? You let out a huff of air, accepting your fate and his offer of no explanations needed, playing with the hem of your t-shirt.

“Anyway,” Steve joined his hands on the desk and continued talking to your flustered form, “I’m really glad you two are getting along, you both made quite a pair during last training, so we’re going to stick with this arrangement for next sessions and probably for future missions.” The Captain mode was back in his tone.

The prospect of working even more intensely with Bucky would have made you squirm in agony a few days ago. But today you were just looking forward to being in the field with him. You tried not to show any sign of excitement to the already too bantering for your taste Steve and just nodded, pulling on a blank face to keep listening to the Cap.

“In fact, that last simulation was planned to work as a prep for a real mission that will happen in a few days. We got a lead on a possible still operative Hydra cell that might be functioning in a similar location.” He leaned closer to you from across his desk arching a defiant brow. “Do you think you’re ready for the real action, Y/N?”

He smiled when your face lit up at his words. Fucking finally. “Yes, yes, Stev…Captain, I’m ready, I’m absolutely positive about this,” you promptly affirmed, your hands moving to the end of the desk in front of you, legs instantly bouncing under the wooden table. 

“I think so too, in my opinion you showed us everything you’ve got to be a valuable addition to the team and that you’re prepared to be an Avenger,” he eloquently stated after breaking the smile in favor of a more formal Captain expression. “As your supervisor, Bucky will have to sign off permission for you to go, but that shouldn’t be a problem.” The formality of his previous tone faded to a quiet laughter at the final words.

You were too excited about the news to acknowledge the lousy attempt of teasing, so he disappointedly cleared his throat and kept his narrative to what you enthusiastically paid attention to. Before he dismissed you, he told you the next training sessions would consist of variations of that particular simulation and that you would be called to a briefing before the mission.

~~~

Later that day you found out what a bunch of gossipmongers super-heroes actually were, Captain America being their leader on this too, since every once in a while someone made a mocking remark about the events of the party regarding Jeff and your little escapade with Bucky to the rooftop. You became the talk of the town for the next few days.

You brushed it all off and focused your energy and attention on your training instead. You put in more hours at the gym and increased your number of sparring sessions, always asking someone different to do it with you, going further than the normal schedule.

Like Steve had said, the simulation fields consisted of variations of that one with the Hydra facility. Each session there was a new level of difficulty. You were paired up with Bucky in every one of them, but Steve was always careful enough to change assignments and positions, to level up the experience.

Your relationship with Bucky was developing more each day. He was getting better about giving you feedback, expressing your high points, but not forgetting to point out where your game still needed improvement. You started to interact on situations outside the training sessions too. He now would participate in the joined meals with the rest of the team, he would follow you and Sam to the gym after trainings and sometimes he would even watch a movie with you in the TV Room. He still kept his mostly silent behavior though, but you started to learn that this was just who Bucky Barnes was.

You tried to put aside the uninvited feelings that had already started to grow in you after that disastrous date, even if you wouldn’t acknowledge them at the time. They were getting stronger ever since his change of attitude towards you and sometimes you even thought that he might feel something for you too, by the way you caught him looking when he thought you weren’t aware, how he would prolong the touches at a sparring session or maybe how he would make sure to spend more time with you, even if it was spent in silence.

However, for your own good, you did your best not to get attached to this wishful thinking. After all, as far as you knew, he was smitten by the still absent Black Widow, and a competition where Natasha Romanoff was the adversary was definitely a losing game, why would you engage in one anyway?

Your better choice was to bury down inside you every sentiment that couldn’t be mistaken as a cordial friendship between colleagues, but to every lingering touch, every glance exchanged, every silence shared it became harder and harder to maintain your resolve.

At least you had the prospect of a mission to fixate your attention on. So that’s the reason why you were on your way to Steve’s office. It had been a few days since he had told you about it, and yet you hadn’t received any other information or even a date for the briefing, so you took the initiative to go and ask him directly, you were too anxious to keep waiting.

“Hey”, Steve?” you called peeking through the opened door and knocking lightly. “Can I come in?” you asked when the Captain moved his eyes from a pile of paper on his desk. He smiled at your sight and called you in.

“Hi, Y/N? How are you doing?” he greeted while you took your seat in front of him.

“I’m great, thanks, I hope I’m not disturbing you.” You commented pointing at the amount of paper separating you two.

“Not at all, it’s good, actually, to stop for a moment. I hate paperwork, but it has to be done.” He sighed defeated “How can I help you?”

“Is just that, it’s been a while since you’ve mentioned the mission, but I haven’t been notified about anything yet and I wanted to know if the briefing has a date set already, so I can organize my training routine.”

As soon as you mentioned the mission you saw him frowning and when you finished talking he took his hand to scratch the back of his neck. Something was wrong. You started playing with your fingers, waiting for his reply.

“Uhm… I thought he had talked to you, Y/N.” Steve answered almost in an apology.

“Who? What happened? Was it cancelled?” you asked confusedly.

“Bucky.” He tightened his lips in a thin line before resuming “He didn’t sign your permission for release. I can’t let you go without your supervisor’s green light, I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You kept looking at Steve like he was speaking some ancient language from Asgard. What the fuck? You were screaming inside, but only let out a squeaking sound: “What? Why?”

“I- I thought he had told you. You should talk to him, Y/N.” Steve’s face was turning purple, and you really didn’t want to make the situation of having to give you the news even more embarrassing for him, or for you, so you just nodded and left his office, not before he said he was sorry once again.

There was a fire burning inside your gut when you got into the elevator. All the long sessions of training running through your mind, all the hard work and effort you had put in to be a part of that mission, for nothing. You tried and tried but couldn’t find a plausible excuse for him to not allow you to go.

“Friday, where is Barnes?” You growled to the A.I.

“Sergeant Barnes is in the gym, miss Y/L/N. Would you like me to take you there?” Her voice reverberated through the speakers.

“Yes.” You fumed.

~~~

You entered the gym and saw the person you were looking for, alone, running at full speed on the modified treadmill designed especially for him and Steve. Your angry eyes didn’t let you focus on the fact the motherfucker was doing it in just sweatpants. He had earphones on but caught sight of you strutting to him. He smiled at first but furrowed his eyes when he took in you demeanor.

When you got close to him you violently pushed the red turn off bottom making the running treadmill stop completely. Due to the previous ridiculous high speed and the sudden stop, Bucky lost balance and flew straight to the floor between the treadmill and a wall.

You didn’t flinch when he looked up at you with mouth agape and stunned wide eyes. He removed the bluetooth earphones and placed them on the floor before swiftly getting up “What the hell?” He yelped holding the elbow that had been hit during the fall.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, Barnes?” You shouted back pointing a finger and walking towards him. He kept looking at you astonished by your unforeseen outburst. “What the hell is your problem? What is it you have against me?” you kept the outraged high tone.

“What? What are you talk-”

“I can’t go to the mission because you didn’t sign a goddam permission form.” He raised his brows and sighed in realization, avoiding your gaze, which irritate you even more. “What in the world do I have to do to for you to trust my abilities, to show you that I’m good enough, huh? Because I goddamn know I am, no matter what you think of me or whatever the problem you have with me…or yourself.” You shouted, coming even closer to him and shoving your finger on his sweaty chest in sync with every word you were saying.

He grabbed your wrist but you jerked your arm out of his hold. “Do not touch me.”

He raised his hands to the air and took in a harsh breath “I just don’t think you’re ready yet.” He spoke in a low tone, but you noticed by the clench of his jaw that he was trying to control himself.

“I’m not ready yet? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” You spat back defiantly. “I’ve been doing nothing else besides working my ass off during every training session, enduring everything you’ve put me through with a smile on my face, because that’s what I love to do, that’s what I’m here for, to do my job.”  
Tears of anger and frustration were watering your eyes and your panted breathing was making it hard for you speak, but you had to go on while he looked down at you with a pained expression “I won’t let you get in my way, Bucky, whatever the reason you have to do it, I know that I’m good enough, I fucking know this…and I also know that I deserve to be on that mission and that I’ll be able to help.” You firmly stated, clasping your fists on each side of you.

“THAT’S FUCKING HYDRA, Y/N.” You were startled by his harsh shout enlaced with desperation. He was now so close to you that you could feel the heat coming out of his body given the recent physical activity. Both your chests were rising and falling so wildly that they were almost touching. “You have no idea what that means, what they’re capable of, it’s not some simulation programed by Stark that can be shut down at any time. That’s the real deal, real danger…” His voice trailed off almost in a plea, but you were still not having it.

“I’m not here to play videogames Bucky, I’m here to fight, that’s what I was chosen for, that’s what YOU have been training me for. And I was an agent for God’s sake, I had my share of lunatic terrorists before” You protested, shoving your balled fists to his chest, but not succeeding in moving him away from you.

He grabbed your wrists one more time, tightening the grip so you wouldn’t escape from him again and instinctively you sprawled your fingers on his hot skin. The unexpected change of the atmosphere didn’t go unnoticed by you while you felt his muscles flexing under your touch.

“What if they catch you? What if I’m not able to protect you?” His voice trembled while he stared at you with brows knit together, analyzing every corner of your face with his frantic eyes. Since your hands were glued to his chest you felt how fast his heart was beating and you also felt your own accelerating even more.

“Bucky…” The breathless low sound coming out of you was strange to your ears. Your eyes hypnotized by his mouth inches from you. “I’m not yours to protect, I can…”

Your faltering voice was shut by his mouth capturing yours. You whimpered at the feather touch and the velvet sensation of his lips contrasting with the quivering of the movements. You could tell that he was holding back, like he was testing the waters, waiting for you to push him away at any moment. But how could you?

You didn’t take long to respond to the gesture with ferocity, tugging his lips with yours. His kiss turned into an urgent hunger that started to consume you as well. He let go of your wrists and your arms instantly wrapped around his neck, one hand clutching to his chocolate locks. His metal arm encircled your waist, pulling you even closer to him, while the flesh hand cupped the back of your neck.

You moaned with the feeling of his soft tongue on your lower lip, and you promptly complied, allowing him entrance. Your tongues were caressing each other in a sensual, yet fast dance, making you feel light in the head.

He spun you both around and your back met the wall behind you. You gasped and broke the kiss to catch some much needed air, tightening the hold on his hair, what encouraged him to drag his delicious lips to your jaw and slide down over the length of your neck, peppering opened mouth wet kisses till the other side, where he found his way up to your lips again.

Your mouths molded to each other one more time, now in a slow and sweet pace that made you melt inside. There was no rush anymore, just the need of savoring one another. You moved one hand to his bare chest and he sighed through the kiss, while you traced the patterns of his hard muscles up and down. Your legs were giving in at this point and you both slid down to the floor, safe in each other’s arms, never breaking the kiss till you were sitting on the ground surface, chest to chest.

He pulled away leaving your mouth aching for him again “I wanna change that.” He said quietly while he played with a lock of your hair, his eyes following the gentle gesture of his hands.

“Huh?” you barely whisper, giving kind little pecks to his mouth…cheekbones…nose…neck…jaw… lost in the sensation of him, your dizzy mind didn’t get the meaning of his words.

He gave you a lingering kiss before holding that intense gaze of his on you and caressing your cheek with the back of his flesh fingers. “You said you’re not mine to protect… I wanna change that…” he murmured and your formerly angry heart melted into a puddle “Go out with me tonight?”

You stared at the infinite blue of his hopeful eyes and had no other choice but to answer, filling your lungs with air “Yes…I’ll go out with you tonight.”

A heart-fluttering grin graced his features and he leaned to you one more time, but he was stopped by the push of a hand on his chest and a glare on your face. “About the mission…” Your voice trailed off into a deep sigh when he pressed his lips on yours, breaking the barrier of your hand. Well, that conversation could wait just a little while longer…


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance of a new date.

You had jeans and only a bra on while your hands ran through the hangers, searching for something to wear on top. Bucky wouldn’t tell you where he would take you that night, but when you asked for a tip of what you should wear, he specifically said that a dress or a skirt wouldn’t be very functional.

“Is this the part where I get to say I told you so?” You looked over your shoulder to follow the teasing voice. Sharon had a smug half smiled displayed on her face, leaning her sides to the frame of your closet door, one hand on her waist. You heard Wanda giggling from the spot where she was sitting on your bed, fumbling with your lipstick case in her hands.

With rolling eyes, you turned back to the frustrating mission of finding the perfect top. “I called you both here because I needed help, but if mocking me is on the agenda, I can manage on my own just fine.” You playfully scolded. Turning back to hide a smile, you pulled out a yellow t-shirt. You spun around, putting it in front of your torso. “What about this one?” You bit your inner cheeks waiting for your friend’s opinion.

Sharon twisted her lips to the side and shook her head, then she walked over you, taking the hunger from your hand, putting it back in place. She scrolled through your clothes, like she was looking for something specific… “Ha ha!”, she exclaimed when found what she was looking for. Sharon handed you the pale pink short sleeved top with a jewel neck, you showed it to Wanda, who signed her approval with a thumbs up.

“And what about the mission?” Sharon asked, following you and taking a seat on an arm chair, while you dressed yourself in the top.

“We agreed that we won’t talk about work tonight, but the subject is definitely not over. I’m going, no matter what.” You shrugged, like stating the obvious. Both Wanda and Sharon smiled their endorsements.

“So, did you find anything good?” You sat on the bed next to Wanda.

“Hum-Hum” She nodded and picked up the lip balm from the case. “You’ll be fine with this, I don’t think you should put something colorful on your lips tonight…” She commented mischievously.

“God, you two are insufferable.” You huffed, ignoring the laughs. But you reached your hand to take the lip balm anyway…

You pretended annoyance; however, the girls’ presence was welcomed not just to help you get ready, but also to divert you from your nerves. You were going on a date with Bucky… again… The context was different now, but what if it didn’t go well, like the first time? What if you’re not able to strike up a conversation with him? What if he finds you boring? What if you’re not as amazing as…?

The list of “what ifs” was long and nerve-racking, so you could use a little help from your friends. That was one of the reasons you decided to tell Wanda as well, for some reason her presence had a calming effect on you. She didn’t seem surprised when you told her about Bucky though…

Despite your half hearted scolding, the light teasing tone of the conversation kept up until you were fully ready. You put on the single pearl earrings and twisted around “So, what do you think?”

Sharon and Wanda both whistled and clapped their hands. “You better watch out, or else you’ll cause a heart attack to a centenary super soldier.” Never one to know how to handle compliments you brushed Sharon’s comment off.

“What’s so special about jeans, top and flats, Sharon?” you pointed out, hanging the strap of your purse around your shoulder.

“You, my dear.” This time Wanda was the one speaking.

You shook your head, blushing hard and moved on from the subject. “I should get going, he told me to meet him in the garage.”

Both of them stood up from their places, walking over you. Sharon kissed you on the cheek “Good luck. I’m gonna see what Steve’s up to.” She gave you the tell me everything later look and waved her goodbyes to Wanda, walking towards the room across from yours.

You looked down at Wanda, who was grinning wildly at you “I’ve told you before that I try really hard to stay away from your minds, right?” You furrowed your brows and said yes. “Sometimes the thoughts are just too loud, making it almost impossible to avoid them.” She put a hand on your shoulder and kept it there. “And the quietest ones, well, they have the loudest minds.” She was almost outside your room and nodded in the direction of Bucky’s door. “I’ll just tell you this: Finally!” She accentuated the last word with a deep breathy laugh and a light shake on the spot on your shoulder where she had a hand on.

What she said eased down the insecurities that had been dancing around your feelings and you were so glad you had called Wanda. You smiled back and you both walked arm in arm to the elevator, making a stop to drop her on her floor, before you head to the garage.

When the elevator’s doors opened, among the uncountable number of vehicles from different kinds and brands, your eyes landed on a vision that took your breath away.

Bucky was leaning against his motorcycle with his arms crossed. He was wearing jeans and a black leather jacket over a dark grey t-shirt. Despite the not chili weather he had gloves on. But what really stole the air from your lungs was the fact that his hair was shorter and styled in a fluffy quaff that resembled James Dean’s.

He had had a haircut? When? You had seen him in the morning when you guys had kissed and he still had the longer locks. Your questions became insignificant when you realized how handsome he was; even more than before if that was possible. You felt your cheeks heat when the thought that the shorter hair was still long enough for you to grab crossed your mind.

He backed away from the motorcycle and unfolded his arms, smiling when he saw you coming closer. “Hey.” He looked down at you and added “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” You timidly responded, looking down to the floor briefly. “Right back at you.” You raised your eyes to his face again and lifted your fingers to lightly brush at one of the soft curls that formed at the tips of his new hair. “When did that happen?” You tilted your head, eyeing him with curiosity.

His metal arm immediately went to the back of his neck while he stuttered “Ahm, it’s just that, I-I was in the mood for a change today…”. He crossed his arms around his chest and tightened his lips. “Do you not like it?” He furrowed his eyebrows, expecting your answer, which you were fast to give.

“Oh no, I do, I do like it.” You took your hand again to the curls. “I like it very much, you look like a classic movie star.” To try and reassure the beautiful man in front of you, you smiled softly, making his features relax. You dragged your hand down to caress the prominent stubble covering his jaw with your knuckles “I’m glad you kept this.” You winked at him and he chuckled. He grabbed your hand with his gloved one, moving it to his lips to give a gentle kiss on the back. 

The soft gesture made you inhale a deep breath and you only withdrew your hand after a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes.

“So, Mr. I won’t tell where we’re going, now I can at least guess how we’re gonna get there.” You said patting the seat of the black and silver massive motorcycle next to you. It was a modern Harley Davidson with a retro touch that made it unique. Suitable, you thought.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Bucky asked while handed you a helmet.

If you did mind, the excitement threatening to show on his face would be enough to win you over. “Not at all. I’m glad for the heads up about the dress, though.” You observed, reaching for the helmet and putting it on.

Bucky did the same and climbed on the bike. “Let’s go, then?” He invited, nodding to the passenger seat. You got on behind him and circled your arms around his torso when he started the powerful engine.

~~~

You could say you were already a fan of this date. It hadn’t been a long ride for you to get to the parking lot where Bucky left the motorcycle, but the freedom provided by the vehicle allowed you to really feel the city around you. The fact that you had your body enlaced around Bucky’s the entire time only made the experience more… interesting.

The Brooklyn Bridge Park. That was the place Bucky had picked to take you. He had grabbed a small backpack out from the side bag of the motorcycle and you guys walked over the park side by side.

The nice weather of the summer night must have dragged people out of their houses, for the place was crowded. Walking through a path close by the East River with Bucky at your side, you smiled watching families, groups of friends, kids, couples…all of them involved in some kind of activity or just sitting by, enjoying the dazzling view of the Manhattan skyline and the Brooklyn Bridge itself.

Your attention was caught by Bucky calling you, showing a spot by a tree. You followed him there and watched with interest as he opened the backpack and collected what seemed to be big table cloth, spreading it on the grass. You both sat down on the fabric side by side, you crossed your legs as Bucky preferred to keep one straightened ahead and other curled in front of him. You noticed that very close to where you were there was a big screen showing a classic movie in the open air.

“This is amazing, Bucky.” You softly exclaimed, taking in your surroundings, mesmerized by the place elected by your date. You didn’t know what you were expecting but certainly not something so sweet and… romantic.

He smiled in response as he took a Tupperware, a bottle of wine inside a paper bag and two plastic cups from his backpack full of surprises. “Oh! Bringing alcohol to a public park? That must be the Rebel Without a Cause new hair influence. ” You arched an eyebrow in a spirituous way.

“Wouldn’t be the first rule I break.” he retorted as he opened the wine to serve the two of you, “And, for some reason, I bet it wouldn’t be yours either.” He snickered, glancing up at you.

You couldn’t argue with that, so you just shrugged innocently and hurried to open the small container placed on the cloth.

“Brownies?” You squeed, quickly clapping your hands and resting them under your chin “Dessert for dinner! I like the way you think, Barnes!” You teased him, poking him on the shoulder, but in an honest bliss for his food of choice.

He laughed and handed you a cup of wine “Well, go for it then.” You promptly took the wine in one hand and a piece of brownie in the other, taking a generous bite from it. As the deliciousness of the fluffy sweetness invaded your senses your eyelids fluttered shut and a heavy groan slipped from you.

“Oh my God!” You gushed with a mouthful, shoving yet another bite inside your mouth. “This tastes like heaven! Where did you get those?”

Bucky led his hand to his chest and his mouth dropped open in outrage “Are you assuming my mother’s recipe is shop bought?”

Your eyes expanded in shock “You made these?” 

He proudly shrugged and nodded, taking a bite for himself staring smugly at your astonished expression. As you kept your dumbfounded gaze on him, waiting for an explanation, he added, “Who do you think was the one that used to cook for Steve back in the day? The punk was light as a feather, but had a thing for the sweets, so I learned a lot of my Ma’s recipes as a way to make him eat at least something.” He explained before gulping the wine.

Your lips curled up warmly picturing Bucky cooking for little Steve and you took a sip for yourself. “That’s really lovely, Bucky.”

He shook his head, looking at the cup in his hands “Fancy that, a man with severe memory issues remembering a brownie recipe he used to make in another life.”

Sensing the saddening in his voice you tried to brush it off by commenting “Well, thank God for that, these are little pieces of a dream.” You raised one brownie to the sky and took it to your mouth, releasing an almost pornographic sound.

To your satisfaction, it seemed to work as he laughed wildly and changed the subject “So, have you ever been here?”

You shook your head, still chewing and brushing your hands on one another to clean them from the crumbs. “I came to the city to work for SHIELD, then a few months after I went to the compound, and, as you know, my trainer is not exactly easy…” you added some emphasis to the last words and raised a brow towards him “…so I haven’t had the time to explore New York yet.”

He licked his lips and narrowed his eyes, leaning down to the cloth, laying on his side facing you, supporting his head up with one hand and holding the cup in the other. “This trainer of yours… must be a pain in the ass…”

To mirror his position, you also leaned down. “He can be…sometimes.” You giggled when he arched a brow. “But other times he’s also a really, really sweet guy that surprises me with incredibly hot new looks, takes me to amazing places, and bakes delicious recipes that he learned from his Ma… for me, like he used to do to his best friend.” You spoke tenderly and noticed the deep movement of his chest as he took a breath in.

You looked back at his face and he had a serious expression, eyes trained on yours. Suddenly there was only you and him as the people around you slowly started to fade away from your sight. All you wanted to do was to drown into the blue of his eyes. You wanted to drown into him.

His eyes dropped to your mouth when he finally said, “I really want to kiss you right now.” His voice was lower and huskier, causing an increase of rhythm to your breathing and you licked your lips, before leaning to him to do exactly what you wanted. You drowned in him.

Your lips softly entwined into each other. You felt the taste of chocolate and something else that could only be described as Bucky…Bucky…

You moaned through the kiss. You both rested down the cups on the cloth and your hand went to his cheeks as he gently pushed you onto your back, his upper-body half on top of yours supporting himself on his forearms that were straddling your face. You loved the light scratching feeling brought by the brush of his stubble on your skin. 

He sighed and you swept your tongue through his lips to deepen the kiss. He accepted and tangled his own into yours perfectly. You wouldn’t dare to estimate how long you both stayed in that deep surrender…

After a lingering peck, he leaned back and looked down at you with loving eyes that threatened to explode your heart. You felt like you had been doing this your whole life and yet it also felt like something new, never savored before. You were lost in him and wanted to get lost deeper.

Hypnotized by his enchanting face above yours, you barely heard him speaking “I’ve been thinking about kissing you ever since I knocked you down on our first sparring together.” He winked and touched his finger lightly on the tip of your nose.

You gasped and playfully swatted his hand away from your face. “Ha! Well, I might have thought about it that day when I surprised you by kicking your ass and giving you hell to finally knock me down.” You teasingly scolded making him giggle. Giggle! You thought he was nothing but adorable, with his nose crinkling and the little wrinkles that formed in the corners of his eyes.

“Why do you think Sharon insisted so much on setting us up?” You asked with genuinely curiosity, but already fixating your gaze to his enticing mouth again.

“I have no idea.” He leaned down back to you shaking his head before pressing his lips to yours for a second time, just like you were craving.

You two spent most of the time like this. Talking, kissing, laughing, eating, kissing, drinking, kissing again…For that moment, it was like the troublesome backstory of yours hadn’t happened, and you had always lived like that.

At some point, you decided to take a walk around the park. He put the cloth and the rest of the brownies back to the backpack, throwing away the bottle and the plastic cups.

The park was fully illuminated and you could feel the cool breeze coming from the river. You walked by a building made of glass that worked as the home of a lovely carrousel and you wanted to stop to see it working. There were beautiful lights coming out of it and, despite the antique appearance, Bucky explained that it hadn’t been there before.

A child-like high-pitched voice yelling “It’s Bucky Barnes!” detached your attention from the running carousel. You both tracked the sound turning your heads and found that it belonged to an actual child. A boy, about 5 or 6, who ran to where you were after unclasping his hand from probably his mother’s, where they were standing in a line to buy popcorn.

The possible mother was talking on the phone and snapped her fingers to a teenage girl, signaling her to follow the kid. You saw the girl huffing and slowly moving in your direction, she was also with a phone in hands, texting.

You looked down to find an open-mouthed boy right in front of you. Eyes trained on Bucky. “You’re my favorite Avenger.” He affirmed, mesmerized. “Look Lizzy, it’s Bucky Barnes!” The teenager barely moved her eyebrows, the phone still gaining her full attention.

You glanced to your side and saw a petrified Bucky, staring down at the boy, who was now focused on Bucky’s covered left arm. A defeated sigh slipped from your lungs. You had never been that great with children, but given the paralyzed other option standing at your side, you had to step in.

Kneeling down to level the boy’s stature, you found the softest voice inside to speak. “Hello there, buddy, what’s your name?”

Like waking up from a trance, the kid turned his eyes to you “I’m John.”

“Well, hello there John, my name is Y/N.” You extended your hand to shake his smaller one “You said that Bucky is your favorite Avenger, is that so?” you inquired, receiving several excited little nods in response.

“I bet you want to see his metal arm, don’t you?” you whispered to him. Knowing that Bucky could hear it all, you moved your hand up to hold his flesh one. Your chest tightened when you felt how tensed he was through the touch.

The little kid’s eyes widened and he shook his head yes even more enthusiastically. “As you see, Bucky is feeling a little chilly tonight, but I’m sure that if you ask him nicely, he’ll take off his jacket and his glove so you can take a peek at it.” You winked at the kid and squeezed Bucky’s hand as an attempt to offer comfort and encouragement. 

“Mr. Bucky, can I please see your arm?” little John asked expectantly folding his hands together in front of him.

You looked up at Bucky and smiled, nodding slightly. He bit his lip and nodded back, before answering “Y-yeah, sure.” You stood up and let go of his hand, so he could take off his jacket and his glove, which he did and handed them to you after placing the backpack on the floor, showing the impressive metal appendage to his small fan.

“Wooooowwww” the boy extolled and you never expected such a guttural sound to erupt from that tiny little person. It made everyone laugh, including the up till now blasé teenager, who had put down the smartphone to watch the scene.

You noticed Bucky’s shoulders relaxing and he was the one kneeling now. He rolled up the short sleeve of his shirt, putting on a show of twinkling metal plates to the fascinated little kid and explaining how the worked. He even encouraged the child to punch his palm, stumbling back before he could actually hit it.

“Easy there kid, what have you been eating?” he shook his metal hand, faking pain.

“I’m strong to the finish, cause I eats me spinach!” the child proudly recited and puffed his chest full, folding his arms up to show off a pair of non-existent biceps.

“Think I’ll have to start eating some of them myself,” Bucky responded between laughs and looked up at you amusedly “I understood that reference.” Your now never ceasing smile grew even wider to see him suddenly so comfortable in the endearing interaction.

The woman on the line approached in a hurry, holding two bags of popcorns and Bucky stood up again at your side. 

“Look mommy, it’s Bucky Barnes.” The kid happily pointed while she handed the girl and him a bag of popcorn each. She looked up at you both, focusing on Bucky last. 

“Oh thank God you’ve had your hair cut; he had been driving me crazy to let him grow his.” She observed, blowing out a relieved huff of air, making you all burst in laughs.

After a little more talking and some pictures taken, the family left. Little John eagerly waving goodbye until he couldn’t see Bucky anymore.

Your date turned to face you and you noticed traces of pink appearing on his cheeks when he met a cheeky grin plastered on your face. “That was cute.” You provoked, but actually meaning it.

“Shut up.” He reprimanded barely suppressing a smile, grabbing his gloves and jacket back with his metal hand. But he didn’t put them back on. Instead, he hanged the backpack over the same arm, and then his flesh hand casually met yours, holding them together and pulling you to leave.

During the quiet pleasant walk back to the parking lot, you both didn’t mind the occasional glances the sparkling silver attracted. In fact, your whole heart was conquered by the touching feeling coming from where your hands were locked together and you finally understood…

You were helplessly falling in love with Bucky Barnes.

And you would be damned if that didn’t scare the hell out of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter! I would love to hear from you guys.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take a step further with Bucky.

“So, this is me.” You pointed at your door, joking at the fact that Bucky walked you to your room, even if his own was just next door, where he had stopped by to leave his backpack, along with his jacket and gloves.

“Nice place you have here.” He played along, placing one hand at the wooden frame and gazing down at you, while you leaned to your side on the door.

“It’s all right…the neighborhood is super.” Your giggle was absorbed by the caress of a peck on your lips.

“Tonight was perfect, Bucky.” You sighed resting your head to the door, after he broke the brief, but sweet gesture.

You saw his expression lighting up and you could bet that the grin on your face looked stupid as hell.

“I hope I’ve made up for the first one,” he commented, tightening his lips in a thin line.

“Hmm, maybe we can consider this one our official first date, how about that?” You took his hands in yours.

He smiled fondly, bringing back the wrinkles around his eyes that you already loved so much, “Perfect.” He pressed his lips on yours in another kiss. You had lost count of them now. And as it got more heated, he cupped your cheek with his hand and you felt the metal one on the small of your back bringing you closer to him.

You realized you didn’t want it to stop.

You broke the kiss and joined your foreheads together. “I don’t want to say goodbye just yet,” you admitted in a whisper, embarrassment forcing you to shut your eyes, not daring to look up at him.

The touch of his hand on your back became more noticeable and you felt the deep exhale that followed his answer “Me neither.”

“Do you wanna come in?” You quickly invited and this time your eyes drifted up at him, before any kind of regret came to your senses.

You took his nod as a yes and opened your door, giving him space to walk in. He passed by you and you followed his steps.

Inside your room, you had your face turned towards the door, with your hand on the doorknob, closing it, when you felt the light brush of his soft lips on your shoulder blades.

The shiver that ran through your spine caused goosebumps to erupt over your skin and the air got stuck in your throat. Your hand moved from the doorknob to be sprawling at the wooden surface of the door.

You felt the velvet touch gliding to the base of your neck. “Doll?” The fanning of his breath was hot on your skin and stressed the cold of the metal resting on your waist. His voice was low and raspy, and goosebumps kept prickling freely across your skin. The only thing that came out of your lips was an incoherent sound for him to keep going.

“You asked me earlier the reason why Sharon set us up,” he continued and, between words, you felt the graze of his lips running over the side of your neck and you tilted your head slightly to allow him more room. “I have no idea why she did that, but I do know why I’m here now… the reason why I don’t seem to be able to stay away from you anymore.”

The sensation of his tongue on the crook between your neck and your shoulders was prompting your breathing to speed up and it became hard for you to follow his words, but you had to listen to what he was saying, so you fought against the dizziness that took over your head when his flesh arm encircled your waist, resting his hand on your stomach over your top. Your eyes shut when he griped on the fabric.

“It’s you, Y/N, you… you make me want to be here, right now, in this very moment.” The heat of his chest coated your back, his lips travelled closer to your ear, too close, and your teeth encaged your lower lip to suppress a moan. “Do you know what I mean?” Even in your dazed state, you felt a frustrated heavy sigh over the sensitive skin of your neck and a light shake of his head. “I’m not good with words, not anymore, but if you want this, if you’ll have me…I wanna show you exactly how you make me feel.” The clasp on your top got tighter and he continued, in a bated breath, after dropping another kiss on the side of your neck. “I wanna show you how much I’ve been craving for your skin on mine,” Teeth nipped at your earlobe and you reached behind to clasp your hand on the back of his head, gripping on his shorter locks, drawing a hiss out of him.

“I wanna make you feel good. God, all I want is to make you feel good.” He barely whispered the last sentence, like he was talking just to himself. His head hanged down and he placed his forehead on your shoulder. “Please, tell me, Y/N, do you want this?” he finally pleaded.

You thought you should say no, that it was too soon, that you two still had things to work out before taking this next step and there were feelings that needed to be fully understood, but it was so damn hard to think about the consequences when he was touching and kissing your insecurities away, when your fear became desire and your fluttering heart didn’t follow your mind anymore.

So what you did was to move your hand from the door to rest on his own clutching your top. His body tensed and he was distancing himself from you, probably taking this as a rejection, but then, you guided his hand to under the fabric, sighing when flesh met flesh. “I want this, Bucky. I want you.” To prove your resolution, your hand abandoned his on your abdomen to gently palm the front of his jeans on your back between the two of you. The bulge that was growing under your touch stole the air from your lungs.

His heavy groan reverberated through your body starting on your neck and his hand skimmed up, grasping one breast over the bra. The sweet strokes made you light in the head. You had never wanted a man so much, not in such a visceral way…

You withdrew your hand from his jeans and spun around in his arms, capturing his lips with ferocity. His hand floated to the back of your neck and he locked you between himself and the door, chest to chest, grabbing a handful of your hair. You felt his encaged erection brushing your front and automatically grinded yourself on it, stimulating knots of pleasure to come up in your core. You ached for more of him.

The movements of your bodies were stopped by the push of your hand on his chest, driving him backwards. He looked down at you and you saw how big his eyes were, full of lust and a glimpse of despair for the abrupt deprivation of touching.

Never breaking eye contact, you tugged at the end of his shirt. Taking the hint, he quickly pulled it up over his head, tossing it aside. Your gaze dropped to the brooding sculpture that formed his chest and you couldn’t help but lightly graze your fingers on the patterns of his muscles, hypnotized by his panted breathing lifting your hand up and down.

Your eyes went back to his and you noticed that his eyelids were fluttering closed while you moved your fingers over his skin. Testing the waters, your touch slowly reached the angry scars right before the metal and his eyes abruptly opened up, meeting yours. You felt his muscles contracting and his breathing seemed to stop.

You kept your gaze locked to his while you leaned your face towards where your hand was touching, only closing them to place a soft kiss on the damaged skin. Under your mouth you sensed a deep sigh in his chest, “You’re so beautiful,” you whispered against his skin.

Your head tilted back, when he lightly pulled at your hair to press your lips together once again. He dragged his mouth to your throat and used his teeth on your pulsing point.  His lips curled in a smile against your skin when you let out a loud moan.   

There were too many clothes between the two of you, so you lifted your arms and he promptly stopped his ministrations on your neck to take your top over your head, throwing it on the floor. You reached behind to unclasp your bra, and he positioned his hands on each side of your waist. Bucky’s eyes were following your every movement. He looked at you with a hunger that could trigger you to do anything he wanted. Anything.

You quickly tossed your bra aside and he looked down to where your breasts were exposed. Suddenly, self-consciousness took part of your feelings under his stare and you turned your head to the side, looking down to the floor, avoiding his expression, fearing what you might see there.

Holding your chin between his fingers, he moved your face to him again and kissed your lips. “You…” His lips dragged down your neck. “…are…” his hand surrounded your breast “…so…” his lips slid up to your cheeks “…goddamn sexy!”  His mouth was on yours again and you surrendered to him, melting under his praise and his touch.

You slipped your flats off of your feet and supported yourself with your arms around his shoulders. You jumped and he quickly grabbed the back of your thighs, encircling your legs around his waist like you weighed nothing. Never breaking the kiss, he spun you both around and walked over to your bed, sitting you on the end of the mattress.

He kneeled before you, positioning himself between your opened legs an resting his hands on each side of you. He started to kiss you again, only to run his mouth down to the corners of your face, descending to your collarbone. Your whole body shuddered and you propped your palms back on the sheets, whimpering lightly when his tongue reached a nipple, circling and flickering on the sensitive hardening spot before giving the same attention to the other one. You struggled to breathe when he continued passing over your belly and stopping right on top of where your jeans still covered the rest of you.

Bucky looked up, awaiting your approval. All you could do was nod and he unhurriedly loosened the button and opened the fly. You lifted up a little to allow him to drag the piece off of you.

When he stood up, you inclined forward to work on his belt, but he stopped you catching your wrists before bending and bringing your hands to his lips to kiss both of the palms. “Not yet.” He smiled in a mischievous way that only increased the aching appetite you were feeling for him.

He stood up and pushed you gently backwards on the mattress. While he took off his shoes, you dragged yourself up, resting your head on a pillow. Bucky remained standing up by the end of your bed with that intense, deep stare on you, scrutinizing every inch of your body.

His tongue ran over his lips and you never felt so sexy under a man’s eyes. It was an incredible feeling, which encouraged you to glide your hands under the band of the remaining piece of underwear on your body and slide it down your legs, folding them up while doing so, in a wanton show. Just for him.

Completely naked, you fixated your eyes on him and, with your legs curled up, you opened them slowly. You saw when his gaze dropped to your exposed and already damp sex. Self-consciousness didn’t have room inside your feelings anymore. You only felt bold, beautiful and confident, ready to give yourself to him, without any kind of restraint.

You could swear you had heard Bucky exhale a curse before he climbed up with his knees on your bed. He gripped one of your ankles and placed it on his shoulder. His mouth ran down the length of your leg, licking, sucking and nipping; until he was bent over, lapping and biting on the flesh of your inner thigh, too close of where you were craving his presence. You sank your head into the pillow, trying to fill your lungs with much needed air.  

“Fucking gorgeous,” he muttered ogling at your bare body before his tongue darted out to give a long lick between your glistening folds and diving with feral greed into your pussy, using his tongue and lips with expertise.

You arched your body and stopped a hand mid-air while the other gripped at the sheets, dazed with the sensations he was bringing to you with the sinful movements of his tongue. His arms circled your thighs and he placed them both over his shoulders, holding a tight grip on you. His stubble tickled your skin lightly and you loved how it inflamed your relish, making you squirm viciously. The grip of his hand stood strong enough to prevent you from escaping his touch.

Every swirl, lick, stroke of his tongue coaxed loud, breathless sounds from your lips. Both your hands flew to grab his hair and he moaned into you. The vibration that it provoked made your eyes flutter in intense desire. You looked down at him and watched while he ravished you, with eyes closed and humming, sinking deeper, like he was enjoying what he was doing even more than you were.

You were a panting mess and your noises joined the ones his soft tongue were producing while working on your juices. The erotic sounds only helped to build up the insane pleasure inside your core.  He dragged his tongue from your cunt to flick at your throbbing clit.

“Oh, Bucky!” you cried softly and it apparently encouraged him to suck hard on the nub and insert a digit to replace his tongue in your cunt. You immediately clenched around his finger and he stroked a few times before adding one more to the party, curling them up inside of you.

That was it. You couldn’t take anymore and, tightening your hold on his locks, you let out a loud sob signaling your climax. Your thighs clasped around his head and your wet walls clenched relentlessly, gripping his fingers. He kept lapping at you until you pleaded for him to stop when it became too much at that moment.

There was a whole new animalistic feeling growing inside and it was ravenous. A fire burning. For him. You wanted more. You wanted him. You wanted everything that man could give you. Without being fully recovered from your first orgasm of the night, you pulled him up to you and feverishly attacked his mouth. Tasting yourself through his lips made you groan and regain the yearning ache between your legs.

You pushed him to flip you both over. He was now laying with his back to the mattress, while you straddled him. You took sight of the hard-on still restrained under his jeans and your mouth watered. You wanted, needed that man so much. You just couldn’t resist, you were letting all your instincts take over, so you bent over and delighted yourself with open mouth kisses over the length of his erection through the fabric of his jeans, luring him to moan in breathless anticipation with his head deep into your pillow. At the same time your hands flew to swiftly open his belt and undo his fly.

You pushed him backwards brutally when he tried to sit up and help you “Fuck,” Bucky cursed and propped his upper body up with his elbows, looking thunderstruck by your take over, grinding his teeth and breathing hard. This dominant way was new for you. Usually you weren’t this proactive in bed, but you were starting to find out that Bucky had the power of bringing out the unknown in you. And you were loving it.   

You pulled down his pants along with his underwear, discarding them on the floor before going back to straddle his legs. For the first time, you had a visual of his bare tempting dick, bobbing hard against his stomach. You urged to feel it inside you, but first, you simply had to have a taste, so you placed your hands flat on each side of his hips and leaned down with your eyes trained on Bucky’s, then you licked a long stripe from the base to the top of his length, wrapping his tip with your wet lips, shutting your eyelids and humming when you tasted the leaking precum.

Bucky gasped and dropped his head into the pillow once more. The pleasure you were able to pull from him with just a move from your tongue was appetizing for you and you found yourself sliding your fingers to between your legs, longing for some kind of friction while you slowly savored him. But that was not what the fire inside you was really burning for at that moment.

You saw Bucky’s eyebrows furrow and look up at you when you backed away your mouth from where he seemed to want you to keep it, but once again his eyes rounded up when you dragged yourself to straddle his hips. You leaned down slowly, coating his dick with your wetness. You gasped at the sensation and hurried to grind yourself against him.

His hands flew to grip hard at your thighs while you humped his cock and his face held an expression of full bliss. He moaned and you couldn’t help but doing the same. Never ceasing the dance of your hips you inclined yourself down, licking his abs up to his chest, closing your mouth against each one of his nipples. You looked up to see his face contorting in a delightful pain and hissing when you clasped your teeth against the hard peaks. It drew a new wave of pleasure into your already fiery core.

Your lips searched for his mouth, but his flesh hand gripped on your hair. “You’re driving me fucking crazy.” His eyes roamed frantically over your face and body, “Take what you want from me, Y/N. Whatever you need I’ll give it to you. I’m all yours.” He mumbled in a husky and barely controlled voice through clenched teeth and you lost it, striking his mouth with harsh passion.

After pulling his lower lip in a bite, you reached for the nightstand. As you opened the drawer and grabbed and searched for a condom, he took advantage of your position and took one of your breasts in his mouth, making you sigh, feeling the warmth of his tongue against your nipple.

With one of the condoms you smartly kept in your nightstand in hands, you straightened yourself up. After opening the package with your teeth, you reached for his cock and sultry enveloped it, earning a moan from him at the process, before aligning the incredibly hardness with your dripping entrance. You slid down his length and a choke of air caught in your throat when you took in his size stretching your walls.

Your hand drifted to his chest for sustenance and you stood still for a moment, allowing your bodies to get familiar with each-other and soothing the delicious sting caused by the sudden intrusion. The feeling of having him inside you was overwhelming and the heavy breathing coming from the lungs of both of you was the only sound in the room.

When you felt comfortable enough, and the tight hold of his hands on your thighs indicated that he was more than ready, you started your pace. You slid up and down slowly at first, increasing your rhythm as soon as you felt the heat in your stomach getting warmer. He was helping you with his strong hands on your hips and started to groan when you changed the way you moved, barely lifting up and rocking roughly back and forth against his pubic bone.

You grabbed metal and flesh hands that were resting on your hips and placed them above Bucky’s head, bending over to kiss him again. Keeping the accelerated pace of your hips, your fingers intertwined, and you drew your mouth to his neck, sucking and biting on his pulsing point, submitting to the feral craving of marking his skin. You would take what you needed.

Moans and whimpers slipped off his mouth and the satisfaction you felt at the sound resounded through the pleasurable coil in your center. Breathing heavily, you released his hands and arched back, showing yourself to him and holding behind you at his thighs. Bucky took advantage of your position and reached your displayed clitoris with his metal thumb, circling tightly on the already sensitive bundle of nerves, never taking his hooded eyes from yours.

Your mouth dropped open in frenzy and little whimpers followed yours and his actions. “Oh, God… You feel amazing… so damn beautiful” Bucky’s breathless words were replaced by gasps when you circled your hips around the twitching cock inside you.

“Oh, Bucky!” you panted and your speed became faltered when you felt you were coming closer to the edge. A surprised yelp slipped from between your lips as Bucky sat up, surrounding your waist with his flesh arm to prevent you from falling back. He didn’t stop his metal thumb on your clit, but forced you to slow the rhythm with your feet flat on the mattress on each side of him and your arms around his neck. The new position made him reach a sweet spot inside you and your head fell back in delight, your eyes fluttering shut.

“Look at me.” He ordered in a low, yet barely controlled voice, and you complied, your gaze met with his blissful look fixated on you. You saw desire in them, and lust, but not just that. You saw a devotion that made your heart hammer even harder in your chest.

The slow thrusts meeting yours, the harsh rounds of his thumb and the intensity of his gaze brought a delirious ecstasy out of you. You had never had an orgasm so strong before and you sobbed over and over again. Feeling your whole body trembling with the waves of pleasure running your insides, you clutched your legs around his waist and just couldn’t keep your eyes opened anymore, your head once again fell backwards.

“Shhhh, I got you… I got you.” Bucky soothed you holding you tighter against him. You felt your cunt squeezing his cock with the spasms of your pleasure and after a few more strokes he reached his finish too, expressing it with a loud grunt followed by sweet moans, contracting his whole body being after his final thrust.

You held each other in a tight embrace and you rested your cheek on his shoulder. The only sound reaching your ears was the breathing of both of you fighting to get back to a normal pace. One hand of yours slid up to play with locks of hair in the back of his scalp. You heard him humming and tilting his head to drop soft kisses on the side of your neck, snaking his hands up and down your back. You smiled feeling the strong beating of his heart against your chest. At that moment you believed what he had said. He was yours… and you were his.

You couldn’t tell how much time you two kept lost into each other’s arms, until you moved away to the bathroom for the necessary refresh, not before dropping a long kiss on his neck. The sweet silence lingered when he took turns with you.

You heard the faucet shutting down when you laid down in your bed under the newly replaced sheets. Your mind was racing for what would come next. You hated  that the confidence you were feeling so far started giving signs of fading. Would he get back to his room? Were you one of his one-night stands? What would you say to each-other?

The uncertainties were almost getting the best of you, so your heart did nothing but falter when he quietly came out of the bathroom and laid down beside you. With a  sweet and tired smile adorning his face, he pulled your upper half to rest on top of his warm chest, enveloping your waist under his metal arm. Your bare legs intertwined with his and he placed a kiss on top of your head. You couldn’t avoid the smile that curled your lips up when you heard soft snores coming out from your new favorite pillow.

~~~

It was the absence of the warmth beneath you that had woken you up. Struggling to open your heavy sleepy lids you noticed the cause of the sudden chilliness: the empty side of your bed.

You sat up and noted that the lights of your bathroom weren’t on. You furrowed your eyebrows and your chest tightened wondering if Bucky had left you alone in the middle of the night to go to sleep in his room.

But when you looked down, you saw his shirt and shoes discarded on the floor and his pants nowhere to be seen. By the remaining clothes you guessed that he might have left in a hurry.

_Nightmares._

Your heart stuttered thinking that he might have woken up scared in your room and gone somewhere else to not disturb you. Or, knowing the nature of his night terrors, he could be scared to hurt you.

The last option made your chest tighten even more, so you decided to go after him. You turned the light on and got out of your bed to put on the first shirt and underwear you found in your drawer.

As you left to the aisle, you spotted that his bedroom’s door was opened, but, after taking a peek, you found no one in there, which worried you more. You hurriedly shuffled down the corridor towards the common area, hoping to find him there.

The floor was in complete silence, so it startled you to hear whispers coming from the TV room. Your bare feet stopped completely right before the entrance of the place when the decorative mirror on the wall across one of the loveseats showed an image you couldn’t quite comprehend.

There, sitting on the small sofa, you saw him… Bucky. But, no. He didn’t seem to be dwelling over some nightmare like you’d feared.

And he wasn’t alone.

Instead, his body was curled in an embrace with another body. A female one, dressed in tactical suit. The bright red of her hair made your stomach twist in an icy knot that froze your body completely.

But what made your heart sink and your whole self jerk in an up till now unknown kind of pain was when her head moved away from where it was lying on his shoulder and the lips that had been kissing you the whole night met with hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't come hating on me. Hate on Bucky.  
> I was so anxious to post this chapter. Please, tell me what you think of it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is here, everyone!

So soft.

Your skin felt so soft under the graze of his fingers tracing slow circles on your back. The slow movement of your ribcage pacing your breathing signalizing your slumber.

Bucky had slept a little too. He had done so when you both had cuddled in your bed in the position you currently were: his metal arm circling your waist, your bare chest pressed against his and your legs interlaced with his. He didn’t dare to move ever since, like it was the only position that could provide him the necessary peace to allow himself some rest.

He was grateful for being awake now. This way he could enjoy the feeling of having you so close to him, with your bodies entangled, like there wasn’t room enough on the gigantic bed.

Moving ever so lightly so he wouldn’t wake you up, he looked down and a smile instantly curved his lips. You seemed so harmless like that. With your disheveled hair covering some of your face, lips slightly parted and the sweetest snores he had ever heard slipping through your breathing.

Yeah, you looked harmless and clueless about the tsunami of emotions you have been triggering inside him ever since you two met, but especially in the last few days.

His flesh fingers tripped to caress your cheek, moving some locks out of your beautiful face; the urge to do so beating the fear of getting you out of your serene state. He couldn’t help but wonder whether things were moving too fast between the two of you, but still, it also felt like all he ever wanted was this. He didn’t remember a time he had felt so…whole.

Flashes of your delicious naked body exposed to him straddling his hips and moving frantically inflamed his mind and he took a deep breath before the grin on his face got wickedly broader. So goddamn sexy.

His not so innocent thoughts were assaulted by the sound of footsteps coming from outside. His movements froze and the Soldier’s instincts kicked in to hear and analyze every sound. However, he didn’t identify menace in the noises, and also Friday would have warned of any danger. He eased the fight or flight state, but decided to check on it, especially when the steps stopped just before reaching Y/N’s door, in front of his room.

Using all the stealthy moves he knew, Bucky successfully unraveled himself from you, got out of bed and swiftly put on his pants along with his underwear that were discarded together on the floor.

He tip toed as fast as he could to the door and quietly opened it. When his head peeked from it, his gaze met with the owner of the footsteps in the middle of closing back his door.

“Natasha?” He whispered with a frown twisting his expression. The woman stopped before closing the door entirely and looked at him, brows furrowing and lips opening in surprise before sweeping her eyes to the room he was leaving.

He instinctively took a glance inside to find you still sound asleep on your bed before guiding himself out of your room and quietly shutting the door.

“What are you doing here? I thought you said you didn’t even know if you would come back.” His hand remained on your doorknob and the words came out of his mouth raspier than he intended. 

“I know, but something happened, and I had to come back.” She answered quietly folding her arms around her waist and looking at the floor instead of Bucky.

He finally took in her demeanor and the surprised frown on his face turned into one of concern. Her hair was a mess, like she hadn’t brushed or even washed it in a while, the dark circles under her red rimmed eyes were showing with no makeup on. She was wearing tactical gear that looked dirty and battered.

“I want- needed to talk to you. But it’s ok, I can go…” She faltered looking back at him, already turning around to leave.

“Wait!” Bucky called and she stopped, looking expectantly at him. Something serious might have happened for her to be acting and looking like that, so uncharacteristic for Natasha. Bucky sighed and glimpsed your door one more time before continuing. “Come on, let’s talk in the TV Room.” He got closer and placed his hand on the small of her back to guide her.

He still could feel her uneasiness when they sat side by side on one of the loveseats of the TV Room, keeping only a faint light on.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” He asked softly, sitting on top of one leg, positioning himself to face her and resting an arm on the back of the sofa.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you at this hour Bucky, but I needed to talk to someone… and you were…the only person that came to mind.” With her voice still faltering, she mirrored his position, but kept her hands folded on her lap, her eyes fixed on the spot, lifting her gaze quickly to see his encouraging nod before continuing. “You know where I’ve been, right?” She asked even quieter.

“You were looking for that Bruce Benner guy.” Bucky affirmed matter-of-factly and starting to guess the reason of her precarious physical and emotional state. He tightened his lips when she moved her eyes from her hands to face him. “You didn’t find him.” He stated.

A humorless laugh escaped out of her lips while she shook her head, turning to the side “No, I did- I did find him, that’s what’s fucked up, actually.” Bucky’s eyes narrowed waiting for her to keep going. “I found him, but he doesn’t want anything to do with me… He doesn’t want me Bucky.” Her teary eyes once again looked at Bucky, who softened his features in understanding. For a second he wondered how he would feel about that situation a while ago…

“He came with that bullshit of being a monster, of not being right for love…for me. But I know that’s just bullshit, he rejected me, period. He doesn’t love me. Simple as that. At least not as much as I thought he would, as much as I…” Her words turned into sobs. Bucky’s heart broke to see her like that. She was one of the toughest people he knew and yet there she was, crumbling down in front of him, like a hurt little kid. He noticed the grip of her hands tightening against one another, and without thinking much reached to hold one into metal, without a clue of what he should say to her.

She stared at where their hands were intertwined and he saw her taking a deep breath to ease down the sniffles. “Did you Bucky?” She murmured without raising her eyes to him.

“What?” He questioned confused, unsure of what she was referring to.

“Did you ever love me?” Her gaze moved to meet his, her voice shaky, following the rest of her body.

His eyes widened at her question and his lips parted and closed repeatedly. How would he answer that? Did he? What they had together felt like a distant faint memory for him now…One thing he was sure of, Natasha had been the one good thing in all of that…horror, but love? He hadn’t been thinking much of love ever since … forever…

Forcing himself out of his digresses he took in the pleading expression of the woman next to him, like she was longing for some kind of comfort, any kind. Not having it in words, he pulled her to him, circling her in his arms. Hoping that at least he could offer some comfort to her distressed form.

He felt her breathing calming down while she held him back in a tight grasp. Little by little, her muscles started to relax and she dipped her head on his shoulder. She wasn’t crying anymore, and Bucky felt glad to be able to provide her some comfort after all.

One hand resting on his bare back travelled to the nape of his neck when she lifted her head from his shoulder and pressed her lips to his.

His whole body stiffened at the unexpected act. A loud buzz burst in his ears and his thoughts started running in a fast-tracked pace, taking him to a different time, to a different mind. A time he wanted to forget, but couldn’t erase, a mind that used to seek and found comfort in those lips moving against his now frozen ones. A comfort that he had just realized they couldn’t provide anymore and then the storm of emotions and memories inside his head transfigured in only one lingering thought… you….you… your sweet smile to him, the touch of your hand being held by his, waking up with you in his arms under the sun on the rooftop, your lips…

“Nat…” he whispered before softly pushing at her shoulders, forcing her to disconnect her lips from him. When they looked into each other’s eyes he saw guilt and shame taking form in her expression, a touch of red creeping up her neck. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky, I-I don’t know what came over me.” She moved backwards, distancing herself from him. “I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.” She stated in a stern voice fumbling with her hands under her eyes. Then, Bucky understood, she was feeling guilty because she thought he harbored feelings for her.

“No, that’s not it, it’s just that…” He took in an encouraging huff of air to continue “Nat, I’ve met someone.” He bit his lip and his eyebrows furrowed. He wasn’t sure of what kind of reaction that information would cause to the broken hearted woman.

To his own relief, she raised her face, expressing a mix of surprise and joy in her features for the information. “You have?” she questioned, cocking up an eyebrow and tilting her head slightly. “Who is she?” She insisted when Bucky nodded suppressing a smile.

Bucky felt his heart hammering inside his chest when he started talking about you. “She’s the new recruit, the one that arrived the day after your departure. Oh, you’re gonna love her Nat. She can be a real piece of work sometimes, but, God, she does know exactly what to say to me even if I get lost with words, you know me. Oh, and you have to spar with her sometime, she gave me the hardest time on her very first day. She’s a tough one, you should have seen her kicking the ass of her asshole ex-boyfriend during a party. And she’s so, so beautiful…” a muffled giggle made him stop talking and look to the teasing smirk plastered on Natasha’s lips, instigating his cheeks to tingle with heat.

“I’m rambling, aren’t I?” He self-consciously smiled back.

“No, you’re in love.” The firm statement made his heart flip. Another thing he didn’t know how to answer with words, so he just kept the timid smile.

“She’s the owner of the room I saw you leaving, I assume.” She speculated to which Bucky nodded. “Then what the hell are you doing here with me while your girl is alone in her bed, Barnes?” Nat playfully scolded placing her hands on her waist.

His girl. Another flip in his heart. Bucky let out a breathless laugh and took her hands in his, unfolding her arms from her sides. “Are you ok, Nat?” He asked with a concerned straight face.

She tightened her lips and closed her eyes for a moment and sighed “I’m better now. After all, if the Winter Soldier found someone to put up with him, I think I’m not that much of a lost cause” She attempted to joke despite the drying traces of tears on her face and squeezed Bucky’s hands in hers. “I’m so happy for you. I truly mean it, you, of all people, deserve for the universe to treat you kindly, even if you don’t believe that.” She completed, seriously.

They kept that position staring fondly at each other. Then, Bucky finally understood. That was the relationship he had been seeking from Natasha all that time. The complicity, the mutual understanding, the friendship. To know that she would have his back as much as he would have hers.

He hugged her one more time and laid a kiss on her forehead. When she demanded for him to go once again, he did. Certain that she would be fine. She was Natasha Romanoff after all.

~~~

Standing in front of your door, he felt unsteadiness surrounding him. How could he lay down again beside you after having another woman’s lips on his right after the night you had shared together? That wouldn’t feel right.

He had to tell you first. He needed to clear things up with you before anything. How in the world would you take in what had just happened? He remembered the conversation he had once heard between you and Sharon. How you had asked about Nat. You telling Sharon about that damn phone call overheard during your first date. Would you believe him now? His feelings? Suddenly there was a growing fear inside him.

Pacing back and forth and running his hands through his hair he tried to deliberate what to do.

He wasn’t ready to face you now. That might be the coward move, but that was the move he could take at the moment. As he walked into his room he decided that he would talk to you first thing in the morning and explain everything.

You would understand and everything would be ok, wouldn’t it?

~~~

You caught yourself kneeling on your bathroom floor, supporting your body with your forearms on the toilet, trying the purge anything out of you in an attempt to cease the twisting ache in your stomach. But nothing came out. The cause of the pain that had taken over wasn’t physical. So you helplessly dragged your body to sit on the floor, leaning your back and your head on the wall and planting your palms on the ground, folding your legs up and struggling to fill up your lungs with some air.

How you had managed to gather the strength to step away as fast as you could from the heart wrenching sight that refused to leave your mind was a mystery to you, since your legs were as good as jelly now.

They were kissing. He was kissing her a few moments after getting out of your bed… Not even bothering to collect his clothes from your bedroom before going to her. You had just willingly given yourself to him. Body and soul. How disposable were you?

You felt some nails breaking due the strength you were using to scratch them to the floor. A mindless act that expressed the agony you were feeling for being so goddamn stupid. Stupid to believe there might have been something special going on between you and him. Stupid to think that he might have felt something for you. That maybe, just maybe, someone would even be able to fall in love with you, that he would fall in love with you…

No, none of that. You were nothing more than a distraction, one more pastime, and an easy fuck before he could have the woman of his dreams. Your hands instinctively drifted to cover your body, making you curl even more around yourself. You had never felt so cheap in your life. You tasted the salt in your tears when your mouth spread opened in a laugh, after all, you knew it all along. Ever since the first day you met, you knew how he felt about her, how he felt about you compared to her. So why were you so goddamn stupid thinking it could be any different?

But that didn’t give him the right to do what he did, did it? Were you so worthless that he couldn’t spare you from the humiliation and provide you some dignity to wait, at least for the next day before throwing himself in her arms? No. You might be valueless to him, but you didn’t deserve that, at least you had to stick with that thought to hold yourself together. You didn’t deserve this. Anger muddled with the dark feelings boiling inside you and ruling your mind and heart. 

No. No more. You harshly wiped the cascade of tears on your face with the back of your hands. You wouldn’t be stupid anymore, you resolved, joining all the forces inside you to get up and walk out of the bathroom to your bedroom. You sensed your chest suffocating when it felt like the walls of the room were constricting around you while you passed straight by the offending sprawled clothes on the floor.

You drove yourself to the door and locked it. And as you did so, your heart was starting to lock itself just as much. 

No more.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations.

The sun hadn’t even come out when you left the tower earlier. Now it was high and burning the skin on your face, forcing you to squint your eyes and shield them with your hand.

As you got back to the Tower’s surroundings, you slowed down the frenetic rhythm of your running and the twitch in the pit your stomach made a reappearance. Not surprising at all, you hadn’t been able to go back to sleep the night before. How could you, when your mind insisted on replaying that heart-wrenching scene? When the foolish part of yourself still hoped that he would at least try to go back to your bedroom and explain that it was all some kind of misunderstanding? But of course it never happened and the door remained locked.

So you decided you needed to get out of your room and tire your body in any way, in hopes that it would also drain your mind and shut down the shattering gloomy thoughts insisting on taking over. An outdoor run was what you went with, this way you wouldn’t take the risk to cross paths with anyone at the gym.

That had been more than two hours before your body started to become exhausted and prompted you to turn back. You got in the building’s lobby and, still running, made a beeline to the Avenger’s privative elevator. When Friday greeted you and asked confirmation to take you to your floor you just nodded, bending over to support yourself on your aching knees, panting hard to catch your breath. Though you had successfully tired your body, the exercise did little to ease your restless mind. 

What would you do now? How could you face him? Or her? Both of them together? The walls of your chest felt like they were squeezing your heart with those bubbling questions in your mind. What the hell were you still doing there anyway if you weren’t even allowed to go on a mission? This was one of the things that had been ripping your guts out the whole night, it seemed like he hadn’t been just playing with you emotionally, but also professionally, when he hadn’t given permission for you to join the team on what would be your first mission. A dull laugh followed the memory of the lame excuse he used, giving the impression that he was actually worried that something would happen to you. 

You knew you didn’t have the necessary mental endurance to remain as his trainee, so you couldn’t help but fearing that your future as an Avenger might be compromised.

As the elevator’s doors opened to your floor, you pushed those thoughts away, knowing damn well that they would be back sooner or later in spite of you. You went straight to the kitchen, since the up till now constant knot in your stomach morphed into loud growls signaling its emptiness.

You exhaled relieved to find the place unoccupied and, after gulping down an almost whole bottle of water from the fridge, you ran to the cabinets. Like hell you would face the distasteful protein shake you usually drank after runs, so you smirked in satisfaction when your hands found the outrageously large jar of Peanut Butter and the bread. 

You placed the bread on the counter and moved to open the delicious bomb of calories you were holding. A frustrating groan left your lips when you forced the lid but it didn’t move the slightest bit. Damn it. That’s what you gained for sharing the floor with Super Soldiers that apparently couldn’t hold back their stupid enhanced strength even when it came to close a stupid plastic lid.

Your growing irritation increased even more when your mighty ministrations against the jar only proved themselves useless. “Fuuuuck…” you barked at the top of your voice and aimed the jar at the wall, however you were stopped from actually throwing it by a metal hand yanking it from yours.

An icy wave swelled down your spine and your muscles stiffened. The fury that was taking your breath away shared space inside you with a hurricane of emotions while a seemingly amusedly frowning Bucky handed the jar back to you. Opened.

“This must be a really tough jar of peanut butter. Beating an Avenger’s ass like that.” He mocked, oblivious to your itch to flee.

You took the container and placed it on the counter; your eyes concentrated on the motions of your hands while you opened the bag of bread and took a spoon. “It must be because I’m not really an Avenger yet, right?” You spat almost faintly and sensed Bucky going rigid next to you.

Both of you remained silent, but the feeling of his eyes on you was overwhelming. He was probably taking in your unsympathetic demeanor and noticing the incapability of looking back to him while you were smearing peanut butter on a slice of bread.

You heard him taking a deep breath and clearing his throat. “Umm, I needed to talk to you, I looked for you this morning, but FRIDAY told me you had gone out. She notified me of your return just now.”

“I bet she did,” you jeered bitterly, never averting your eyes from the slow measured movements of the spoon against the slice of bread.

Bucky gulped at your cool comment. “You must be asking yourself why I wasn’t in your room when you woke up this morning… it’s that, umm, something happened last night…” His voice shuddered while he turned to face the counter and support himself there with his hands, looking down at his feet.

All your movements stopped and your gaze aimed at nothing in particular in front of you. This was it. You were about to have your heart destroyed even more. You couldn’t handle the words that would come out of his lips, of that much you were certain. You needed to be faster than him.

You finally tilted your head to look at him and shrugged. “Why? I was actually surprised you had stayed at all, considering what last night was.” Trying your hardest to sound untroubled and hide the screaming under your skin you took the bread to your mouth, chewing the now unwanted breakfast while you turned your whole body towards him and propped your unoccupied hand on the counter. 

He turned his face to stare down at you. His brows furrowed in confusion and he let out a huffy and short laugh. “What do you mean?”

You raised your arm with your palm up and tilted your chin to the side, tightening and curving down your lips “What? Don’t tell me you usually spend the whole night with all of your hook ups? Because I certainly don’t,” you retorted, forcing yourself to swallow the food in your mouth and glaring at him defiantly, but trying to keep the blasé tone in your voice

If you didn’t know better, you would swear there was a glimpse of hurt mixed with the confusion in Bucky’s eyes at your words. But you did know better than that. “Hook up…T-That’s what it was for you?” He croaked, facing you and taking a step closer. “W-what are you…I-I don’t …” His stammering started to get straight to your nerves. What was that about?

“Oh, come on Bucky.” You scolded, dropping the bread on the counter and wrapping your arms over your chest in a defensive way. “We went out once more to make up for that terrible first time; we had fun, great; we ended up having sex, even better. But that was it. I thought we had that much clear.”

The abrupt eagerness to slide a path of soothing kisses from the protuberant crease between his eyebrows to his dumbfounded open mouth bothered you, so you went further, whirling yourself around to put the bread and the jar back in the cabinets to avoid the look on his face while you extended your verbal attack. “Last night was fun Bucky, I thank you for that.The last few weeks have been stressful as hell, I needed the distraction.” You turned back forcing a half smile to him only to find his torn up expression.

He looked down and his head moved in slow nods, as if trying to digest what you were saying before insisting, “But, I don’t understand. That’s not what you showed to me last night, it didn’t seem like it was all that meant for you, what’s really going on Y/N?”

“I came here to work Bucky, I don’t need the complications that dating the Winter Soldier, who also happens to be my mentor, would bring upon me.” You snapped, aiming his weakness to try and hurt him further.

He visibly winced and his mouth opened repeatedly, like he was in a loss of words. You knew the venom in what you had said would cause him pain, and that’s what you wanted. Right? Lashing out at him would create a needful distance between you two. So why did you have to wrap your arms around yourself again to avoid wrapping them around the wounded man in front of you when you continued “I don’t know what seems to be confusing you here, Bucky. We’re on the same page, I know this.” 

It unsettled you when you watched the distressed puzzled look on Bucky’s face slowly softening into one of realization. You uneasily bit the inside of your cheek when he closed his eyes and sighed. “You saw us, didn’t you?” He whispered, taking in the floor from under your feet.

He opened his pleading, sad eyes to look yours now watering. You didn’t know how long you could hold back the tears, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to lie, to deny what you had seen. What would be the point anyway? So you swept your tongue over your dry lips before you spun with your back to him and lowered your voice, praying you would sound convincing. “It doesn’t matter, it changes nothing of what I said.”

“Y/N, please, listen to me.” He appealed in a careful quiet voice behind you. “I don’t know what exactly you saw, but I know it must have confused you, just let me…”

You swiftly turned to him again “Confused?” You hissed balling your fists dropped to your sides and staring with a disbelieving frown into his startled eyes. “Oh no Bucky, it wasn’t confusing at all, if anything it was enlightening, what has been really messing up with my mind…” You gesticulated with your palms around your head before pointing an accusing finger at him “…is why you came to me in the first place if she was the one you wanted all along?”

“No, no, that’s not it at all. Please, you have to listen to me,” he pleaded with you once again and stepped closer and reached to touch your arms, but you stopped him with a step back and a shake of your head, securing them around your chest. You heard what sounded like desperation in his voice, matching his eyes. You didn’t understand why it was there, everything was so messed up, why was he reacting that way? Was it guilt?

He took a long intake of air and continued in a more steady voice. “There’s nothing going on between Natasha and me, you gotta believe this. She came looking for me last night and we talked, cleared some things up…”

Your snickering showed skeptical bitterness before you interrupt him, “I didn’t see you two talking, Bucky…”

“I know, I know…” he admitted “But it’s not what you’re thinking, it didn’t m-” 

“Are you seriously gonna tell me it didn’t mean anything?” you chided.

“It didn’t, at least not what you’re thinking it meant, I’m not romantically involved with Natasha, she came to me because she needed to talk and-”

“I don’t care about what’s happening or not between you two, or anyone else.” His desperate attempts to explain himself were driving you out of your mind and your tensed body was an expression of your growing rage. What was his point? How stupid did he think you were? “It doesn’t change what I said. I don’t need this mess in my life. I’m already out of a mission because of this; because of you, Bucky. Besides, I don’t get what your point is here; you and I both know that she’s the one you always wanted.” You emphasized your rant slamming a fist on the counter.

Once again he stepped closer to you, and this time you couldn’t find it in you to stop him when he gently covered your balled fist with his careful flesh hand “You’re getting it all wrong and it’s my fault. Damn it, it’s always my fault…” His voice trembled, and you felt his gaze on you while yours was trained on where your hands were linked. “I know that everything is leading you to think this way: what you saw last night, what you heard me saying on the phone on our first date-“

“What?” your widened eyes aimed at his and you pulled away from his touch “How do you know I heard that?” You asked now resting your hand on your chest as to avoid the flood of emotions inside you from spilling out along with your hammering heart.

Bucky grimaced at your question and cursed under his breath. “I heard you talking to Sharon the other day.” He admitted, but acted quickly to add “I’m so sorry about that Y/N.” His palm ran over his face “I can’t believe I made you feel like you weren’t worthy…”

By the movements of his lips you knew he was still talking, but as you continued staring at him, your mind was racing at full speed and you finally understood. You finally were able to see what had been happening all along and you didn’t know if you could take the disturbing truth.

“So that’s what this charade is all about” you spoke more to yourself than to anyone, but it made Bucky quit his speech and listen to you. “That’s why you changed your attitude with me, why you kissed me, why… you made love to me…” Those final words slipped almost inaudible from your lips and you whimpered your conclusion. “You were… making up for what you said…paying your dues.” You almost choked on your own voice forming a lump in your throat. “It was guilt… it was… pity.” The tears you’d been holding back so far won the battle, starting to run freely down over your cheeks.

Everything around you faded in a crushing blur. Incapable of hearing Bucky’s supplications you kept fighting his attempts to catch you by yanking yourself from him everytime he touched you before you strutted to the door, covering up the sobs with a hand over your mouth.

However, your physical strength would never overpower Bucky’s. He finally reached you and spun you by the shoulders, trapping you against the wall, right by the door.

“Let go of me.” You growled between tears and grinding teeth.

“No. I can’t let you go like this, you have to listen to me first,” he hurriedly responded, and you felt his chest lightly brushing yours as he was also exerting to breathe. You tried to slip out of his hold, but it was useless. “This is everything but pity, Y/N.” Given the proximity of your faces, his hot breath mingled with yours and you cursed that your eyes dropped almost instinctively to his parted lips. “Of course I feel like shit for what I said, because you don’t deserve it, but, first and foremost, because that’s not how I really feel about you.” He stayed silent for a moment as waiting for you to say something, but not a word came out of your mouth as you avoided his eyes, so he strengthened his voice to continue “As for Natasha, I was so fucking confused when I got here, that I needed to hold on into something I knew, something that was familiar to me.”

His forehead warmed yours and his flesh hand skimmed up from your shoulder to the side of your neck and cupped your cheek as he closed his eyes “But I was so stupid to mistaken the longing for any kind of attachment that I was feeling for something else, because what I feel for her is nothing like what I feel for you.” He whispered and you could almost touch the anguish of his heart pounding against his chest.

The sentiment of being deceived and humiliated blocked his words and his meaning to reach your senses, or your heart… so you gathered all the strength you found in you to subdue the shame and pain to look at him and somehow managed to talk in a barely controlled pace, suppressing your cries for later you placed a hand upon the one over your cheek to remove it from there, letting it drop to the side without meeting resistance, “I bet you have a lot in your life that needs redemption Bucky…” You ignored the flinch of his grasp on your shoulder and his Adam’s apple moving when he swallowed deeply. “…but I’m not one of those things. I don’t need your sympathy or regret. I don’t wanna hear apologies, explanations, more lies or whatever your conscience thinks you have to say or that you owe me. All I ask of you is, at least for once since we’ve met each other, to show some respect towards me and. Let. Me. Go. Now.”

“Y/N…” He sighed. The sound of his agonizing voice almost crumbled the brutal darkness taking over you, but you had promised to yourself not to be stupid anymore, so you kept your firm resolve and recoiled away from the touch of his forehead.

“Let me go, Bucky,” you insisted, surprised that you hadn’t faltered.

The hard metal released your shoulder instantly and you rushed out of the kitchen. Leaving the desolated man behind. 

Instead of running to your room, you fled to the only person that could provide what you were needing at that moment.

“Junior, great timing, I need you to…” Tony’s animated reception while you stormed into his lab ceased completely when he took in your state.

He tossed to the floor whatever he had in his hands and briskly got up. You felt his whole body tensing when your crying form pulled him into a hug.

After his unyielding arms finally rose to hold you back, you heard him making an effort to calm you down “Shhhh… What’s going on, Junior?”

“Tony…” you cried out tightening the embrace. Between sobs, you proclaimed the reason you had gone to him. “I can’t be here anymore. I’m sorry… but I can’t be an Avenger.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Wow, wow…what?” Tony questioned, leaning back to look at you, disbelief dawning all over his face, still holding you by your shoulders, “What the hell are you talking about, Junior.”

You had to swallow a sob to give him an answer, “I just can’t, Tony, a lot has happened these last few days and…”

“Is this about Barnes?” he interrupted you and you heard him huffing when you shut your eyes, trying not to cry even harder at the mention of the name. “Did he hurt you?” he inquired between gritted teeth, running his eyes over your body while he guided you to sit on a bench by a worktop, taking his own seat in front of you.

How would you reply to that? You were hurt, but not in the way Tony was thinking. You shook your head and he took your hands in his. “Then what is it, tell me?” he worriedly insisted.

Managing to gather some control over yourself and cease the crying, you sighed, “Please, Tony, don’t make me say it, all I can tell you is that I can’t work around him anymore,” you pleaded with him.

But he was having none of that. “Ok dear, so if you’re not physically hurt and you don’t wanna tell me what really happened, I can only assume that whatever it is, it’s a personal matter, am I right?”

You pressed your lower lip between your teeth and nodded quickly, dropping your gaze to the floor.

“Ok, so here’s the thing, Y/N.” You swiftly raised your head and glanced up his scolding face. He almost never called you by your actual name. “This…” He dropped your hands to gesticulate around both of you, “…is not about you, not about him, or me. This is not about us, dear. This is about every single individual that puts their trust in us to keep this fucked up world safer for them, and for the people they love.”

You tried to open your mouth to respond, but he was quicker than you, guiding his body to the end of his chair to sit closer to you and rest his hands on your stiffened shoulders. “Whatever it is that has happened between you two isn’t bigger than this, and, as an avenger it is your duty to leave it behind and do your fucking job. If I can do this, if I can hold myself everytime I’m around him and I can fight side by side with him, so can you…” his voice faltered.

You guided one hand to rest over the one covering your shoulder, “Tony, what are you talking…”

“Don’t make me say it.”, he repeated your own words and you nodded, understanding that whatever it was that he was not telling you was utterly hurtful for him. Such an unyielding, yet vulnerable expression gracing Tony Stark’s features was something entirely new for you.

“The thing is…”, he continued, dragging his hands once again to hold yours between you two and staring right into your eyes, “I’m not accepting your resignation, because you are an Avenger. You’re not enhanced, you don’t have a suit to do the things for you, there’s nothing injected in your system. You’re here because of you. More than anybody, you know your motivations, why you need to help and make this world a better place, what it means to you. You brought yourself here and we need you, darling.”

You gulped at the knot forming in your stomach. His words and the way he said them hit straight home for you. You and him both knew what he was talking about. Of course. Only a fool would think that they would let you be here without scrutinizing every single thing about you, about your past…what really moved you.

Even if you understood the meaning and the reality behind what he was trying to say to you, you were still not convinced, “I’m useless here, Tony.” You took a shaky breath, staring at where his hands were holding yours. “I’m not even a part of the next mission…”.

“What are you talking about? Of course you are. I was just working on the final details of a new suit for you.”

You exchanged frowning looks. “No I’m not.” You asserted, “I was informed just yesterday morning that Bucky didn’t sign his permission, and he confirmed so right after.” You explained, not believing it had been just a day before. It seemed like a whole life had happened since then.

“Well, things between you two must really be a mess; Cap showed me a signed form last night.” His eyebrows rose in realization, “He did tell me that Barnes would end up driving him crazy, that he had stormed into his room dropping that signed form, without saying a word. I paid no mind to this, but now it makes some sense.”

You didn’t know how to feel. At the same time you were excited about the prospect of a mission, you also wondered the reason Bucky had changed his mind. He hadn’t told you anything about it. Was this another of his guilty conscience’s doing?

Despite it all, Tony’s words had reminded you of your duty, of why you were there, so you nodded at him before expressing your position, “Ok, you’re right. I have a job to do and that’s the only thing that matters. But I’m not sure if I can handle still having him as my mentor…”, you confessed, thinking about how daily life would be with him by your side all the time and you having to answer to him on top of it.

“Haven’t you heard what I just said, Junior?” Tony chided, impatiently tapping his hands on your thighs. “You’re on the mission. You’re officially an Avenger now and you don’t have to be shadowing anybody. He’s not your mentor anymore. If it’s too much for you to handle, you can talk to Steve about taking a break off training and fighting beside him, but if it happens to be the best for the team, you will suck it up and do it, just like everyone else. Now go put yourself together, there’s a briefing this afternoon and you have to be there.”

Not that it changed much, but knowing that you actually were on the mission and Bucky wouldn’t be in the position of mentoring you anymore helped to calm down your aching heart a little. “Thank you, Tony,” you softly said, inclining to hold him again. This time his muscles kept relaxed and he quickly held you back.

“Just giving you some tough love here, Junior.” He answered in a much softer voice. “It’s ok to have a breakdown every once in a while. Look at me and Cap and the little tantrum we threw with the Accords.” He mocked in his usual sneering tone, eliciting your lips to form a smile. “Next time, though, don’t go crying on my henley again, it’s Italian, for Christ’s sake.” 

The sound of your breathless laugh surrounded the lab. You didn’t think you would hear it so soon. You couldn’t help but feeling grateful for Tony Stark.

~~~

She left.

She left and Bucky hadn’t been able to move ever since he dropped down to sit on a chair in the kitchen, staring at his fingers, where she had just slipped from, replaying her harsh words to him and remembering how much pain was displayed in her eyes, pain caused by him.

He guessed she was right, after all. He was too much of a mess for her. What good could come out of dating the Winter Soldier?

She could be right about this, but she wasn’t right about the reason he had come to her. It wasn’t pity. It wasn’t guilt. He couldn’t exactly name what it was; all he knew was that he had been breathing her, and only her, for a long time.

He wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the exact moment they had begun, these feelings. Maybe it had been the morning he woke up with her soothing presence holding his hand after a nightmare. But, he also couldn’t stop thinking about the night he had her in his arms on the roof. Maybe it was then. Yet, the first time they sparred together didn’t leave his mind either. And, his heart jumped when he thought about the way she had stood by his side, reassuring him, when that little kid had come to talk to him at the park, but then again, the first time he kissed her was imprinted in the deepest part of his senses, as it was when he tasted her and she fell asleep in his arms again…

“Bucky, are you listening to me?”, a female voice and snapping fingers dragged him out of his trance of memories, making him look up to meet a worried Sharon staring down at him, hovering over him while she propped herself with a hand on the table.

“What?”, he managed to mumble.

The crease between her eyebrows deepened and she took a seat beside him. “I asked if you’re ok, which clearly you’re not, do you need me to get Steve?” She asked, tilting her head to look at him, probably wondering if he was having one of his mind space outs, which hadn’t been happening very often lately.

When he shook his head and averted his red rimmed eyes away from her she insisted, “What’s happening, Bucky? Can I help you?” After a silent pause from both ends, she sighed and murmured warily, “Does this have anything to do with Y/N?”

He didn’t know exactly why, maybe it had been the mention of her name, or maybe it was the despair filling him up, but he felt like confiding everything that had just happened to his best friend’s girl.

She attentively listened to every word he said, without interrupting once. When he was finally done, she cursed, propping an elbow on the table and running a hand over her face “Fuck Bucky, this is bad.”

Bucky let out a humorless laugh at her comment, “Don’t you think I know it?”

“No, actually, you don’t.” She snapped, tapping her palm on the table in frustration and angling her head to scowl at him. “It’s really logical that her mind would trick her to think you came to her out of pity. You know nothing about her life, how insecure she is. That excuse of a man that Jeff was, he really broke her, Bucky. Not to mention other stuff in her life that screwed with her mind and gave a hand to build her the way she is now: a well of insecurities in the form of a woman.” Bucky’s brows drew together at she was saying “No, of course I won’t talk about it.” She harshly added when he tried to open his mouth to questioning her further.

“I know I messed up, Sharon.” He admitted in defeat, forcing himself to keep looking at her. He noticed her sizing him up carefully before she inquired, in a much calmer voice:

“What does she mean to you, Bucky? And what about Natasha, I know you’ve been smitten with her ever since you got here, don’t deny this.” 

The question caught him by surprise. Despite knowing the fact that his feelings towards you were driving him crazy, he didn’t know if he had yet figured out what they really meant, let alone if he would be able to share it with anyone else. But as much as Sharon had scrutinized him to ask the question, he analyzed her too and only found honesty and genuine concern. He somehow trusted her on this. Instead of overthinking his response, he decided to let the words flow out of his lips on their own.

“There’s a lot I’m not sure about in my life… out of my many lives. But there are some things I am. One of them is that I never felt the way I feel about Y/N before. Not about Natasha or any other woman I have been with, ever. This, and the fact that Steven Grant Rogers is a punk that I need to survive, are my two only certainties in life. I’m not lying when I tell you that I would rather be sitting on a wiping machine again than being the reason of her pain.”

He left himself panting with his own confession and he blinked a tear forming in his eyes, making it run down his cheek. At the same time, he felt his shoulders relaxing, like those words were a weight that was pressuring his whole body. It was liberating to finally understand what he was feeling.

Sharon’s dumbfounded opened lips gradually curled up in a half smile, “Jesus Bucky, you’re in with love her.”

The statement warmed his heart inside his chest. It was the second time someone had said that out loud and it didn’t feel strange to his ears. He tightened his lips and let out a huff of air through his nose. “Why did you set us up, Sharon?”, he asked in honest curiosity.

She shrugged before answering, “I don’t know…The world hasn’t been treating her kindly, but she keeps holding on… just like you, Bucky.” She smiled warmly and put a hand on his shoulder. “Besides, you and Steve are a pain in the ass, you’re like a permanent third wheel, I needed someone I liked to be by your side.” Bucky laughed, knowing she was joking as an attempt to lighten the mood.

“I still think you two are a good match, Bucky.” She added in reassurance while squeezed his shoulder, earning a sad smile in return.

“I’m not so sure about that,” his voice lowered in almost a whisper, “She said she didn’t need the mess that dating the Winter Soldier meant, and honestly, can you blame her?” The same sad smile adorned his words.

From all the reactions he could have been expecting, the sting of a slap against the back of his neck provoked by the hand which had been so gently holding his shoulder wasn’t one of them. His widened eyes looked back at Sharon, while his metal hand brushed over the spot where she had hit him.

“Can you please just stop with this self-deprecating bullshit? She was defending herself from what she thought to be an imminent heartbreak. Attacking you was a way of shielding her feelings. The grown ass woman was giggling like a teenager the night she was about to go out with you. It’s obvious she didn’t really mean what she said.” Sharon lectured and her eyes rolled at the end.

“Ok.” Bucky sheepishly mumbled.

“You obviously need help.” She commented more to herself, sighing deeply. “All right,” She kept it on, placing her hand on her thighs and turning her whole body to face him. “First and foremost, you’re signing permission for her to be on this mission of yours, she needs to know you value her.”

Bucky smirked and quickly said “Already done, after she came talk to me at the gym yesterday, I came to my senses and signed the damn form, there was no point in keeping her out. She earned her space here and has all the right and the capacity to be on the mission.”

Sharon grinned pleased with the answer. “Not so much of a lost cause after all. So tell me, what do you plan to do now?”

Bucky honestly didn’t know. What could he do? She had looked so shattered, like she wouldn’t want to see him ever again, “Ahmm, give her some space, maybe…” he guessed.

“No, no, nothing like that.” Sharon waved her hand dismissing his suggestion, “Space is overrated, especially when we’re talking about a person who needs reassurance. It’s important she feels secure about your feelings, of where you stand, if you distance yourself she’ll definitely think you really not interested.”

Sharon took in the anxious demeanor of the man before her and said, “Things are screwed up, but not lost for good, Bucky. You need to be patient, though, and secure about your feelings too. Are you?”

He was. If he had any doubts before, the possibility of losing her for good diminished them all. He needed her. Wanted her. He was completely and hopelessly in love with her.

This was it. There was no point in ignoring it anymore. He bit his lower lip and nodded with conviction, “I am.”

Contentment brightened Sharon’s face, and she added in a grin, “So you gonna fight for her, my friend. I’ll help you with however I can, but Bucky Barnes is going to charm his way back to his girl. I’m sure of it.”

He took in a long and deep sigh before finally stating with a smile full of hope, “Yeah, I’m gonna get my girl back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just take this moment to say how much I love Sharon Carter? I get really sad with the undeserved hate she gets from fandom. She's an essential part of this series of my heart because she's a badass.


	14. Chapter 14

Getting close to the entrance of the meeting room, you heard the lively sounds of the chattering going on. Everyone should be there already for the mission’s briefing. Your fidgety fingers were an expression of your uneasiness in meeting Bucky so soon after your confrontation in the morning. How would you face him after everything that happened? Like a pro, Junior. You almost laughed. When did your inner voice start to sound like Tony?

It didn´t matter, for that was the way you were going to face him and everything would come next. Like the professional you dedicated your life to being. With that resolve in mind you pushed the doors open and strode into the room filled with Avengers. Everyone was there, Cap, Wanda, Sam, Tony, Vision, Clint and… all that inner pep talk and willpower didn’t stop the sickening feeling in your gut when you noticed, by the corner of your eyes, his head snapping at the creaking of the doors and following you while you circled over the round table to sit between Wanda and Sam at the opposite side, ignoring the vacant seat next to him, even if it was the closest one to the entrance.

The meeting hadn’t started yet and everyone was just chatting and joking around, biting into some snacks sprawled over the table, keeping the relaxed attitude that was characteristic of the Avengers when they were all gathered. While you sat down you received a wide grin and lighthearted taps on the shoulders from Sam, which you responded to also with a smile. You turned to Wanda and, opposing your other friend, she was frowning with a question mark adorning her expression. Damn, this witch. Your lips tightened in a thin line and you shook your head lightly at her.

By then, the doors screeched again, calling your attention to the sound. And there she was, in all her magnificence. She was wearing jeans with a tank top under a jacket, but still managed to be the sexiest woman you had ever seen. You recoiled yourself in your chair with an urge to make yourself smaller to the point of sinking right into invisibility before the stunning redhead you were seeing in person for the first time.

Everyone around you cheered in salute to her, and she waved and nodded around with a weak but sweet smile, taking the only vacant seat, next to Bucky, whose gaze kept stubbornly trained on you.

Your eyes crossed paths with his. He had his lower lip caged between his teeth and his brows were drawn together. You felt like he was aware of the torment boiling inside you and the intensity his stare carried made you shift in your seat. It was almost unbearable for you to keep looking at him, but at the same time it was impossible not to. You wished your heart didn’t almost stop just by the sight of him and his insistent blue eyes. It didn’t matter how hard you wanted to look away, there was this invisible, but dominant, force that drew you to him.

“Ok, everybody is here, let’s get started.” Steve’s firm voice echoed over the room dragging out a silence from everybody else. Like waking up from a trance, your tongue swept over your lips and your attention was caught by the Captain.

“First of all, I’m happy to announce that Y/N is officially an Avenger now and will join us on the mission. Congratulations Y/N, you’re a valuable addition to the team.” He said, directing a warmhearted smile at you.

“Oh yeah, baby!” You hear Sam’s voice between whistles and claps. You beamed and ran your eyes over the people around you, nodding your appreciation. Once again you caught a glimpse of Bucky. You tried not to rest your eyes on his unsettling figure for too long, but you were able to see his mouth twitching in a grin and a hint of pride gracing his features. You weren’t supposed to skip a breath and feel a warm feeling coating your chest, the wound caused by the recent events was too fresh for this. So why did you?

“Now, let’s get to business.” Steve took up his speech, explaining further details about what the mission consisted of. There was this lead on a place where allegedly HYDRA kept a functional facility. The team would check the place for any intel and fight to enable it if necessary. Nothing unusual or particularly difficult according to the Captain, but it would require caution and the whole team would be assigned for it. 

“We’ll keep our usual modus operandi and divide ourselves in groups, most likely pairs. Sam and Tony will cover the air base, Y/N and Bucky will be in the internal areas, Wanda and Vision…, yes ,Y/N?” he interrupted catching eye of your rose hand.

“Ahm, actually, Wanda and I have been talking and we think we should be paired up together.” you squeezed her knee under the table when she abruptly tilted her head at your direction. “We think that my fighting and situational awareness skills would work as a complement to her powers on the battlefield, this way we’re positive in achieving better results, right Wanda?” You looked back at her, silently imploring her to go along with you.

“S-sure, yes, of course, we discussed that.” She answered, nodding at Steve. To your relief, the slight tremble in her voice didn’t seem to be enough to raise suspicions against you, since Steve puckered his brows and took his time thinking about it.

You didn’t see Bucky’s reaction to your proposition, since you glued your gaze on Steve, fumbling with your fingers under the table, waiting for his response, but you were certain Bucky would be thankful of not having to spend more time than necessary with you.

“Well, I didn’t see that coming,” Steve digressed before continuing, “but you two did achieve great results when practicing together, and, since Nat is back, considering she is used to being paired up with Bucky…” you blinked a few times at the words, “…it could be an option…”

“This is bullshit.” All heads, including yours, snapped to Bucky, and you finally took him in. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning back on the chair, a vein popping up on his neck. The quivering of his body was almost imperceptible, but you knew he was bouncing a leg.

“Excuse me?” you snorted, unconsciously inclining forward at the same time you squinted your eyes. 

“You heard me, that’s the biggest bullshit I’ve heard in a while.” Bucky reiterated, glowering at you briefly before turning back to Steve, “Every time we trained for this mission we achieved better results when Y/N and I were paired up together. I don’t see why this should change.” He stated with confidence.

“We also achieved great results when I trained with Wanda before.” You countered, not understanding his reaction. He would be able to free himself from your constant presence and have his usual pair, the one you knew he wanted.

“The thing is you never trained with her for this specific mission and great results are not the best results.” He stressed the word “Again, Steve, I see no point in messing with a winning formula.” He folded one arm up and shrugged at his friend.

The rest of the room remained silent glancing between you two, while you engaged in a staring contest with him. His wiggled brow was defying you, while your opened mouth showed your state of incredulity and indignation. None of you averted your eyes from the other, until someone cleared his throat and you heard the rasping voice of a woman ceasing the uncomfortable silence.

“Actually, Steve, I just came back, I don’t think I should be on the front line. I’ll be of better use if I stay working in the background. The control room, for example.” Natasha was the one speaking. Her voice was calm and steady. If she was taken aback by the tension filling the room, she disguised it well in the nonchalance of her tone.

Steve nodded his head at her and turned towards you. “Y/N, is there a reason for you not wanting to work with Bucky, something that might interfere in your performance?” He asked sternly.

All eyes were now back on you, waiting for your response, one gaze in particular made you curse under your breath. Tony Stark, with an outrageously high brow aimed at you.

“No, Cap, there isn’t.” you answered, shaking your head in defeat.

“It’s settled then, Y/N and Bucky will work together…” Steve kept sorting the pairings out and explained the last details for the training and the mission. All you wanted was to slap away the smirk displayed on Bucky’s lips. He looked and sounded like the smug asshole Bucky you had first met… What the hell did he still want with you? He had to have some ulterior motives. Hadn’t he humiliated you enough? Did he think he could get some kind of vile entertainment out of this?

Steve ended the meeting informing the mission would be up in 3 days, and you fled out of the room driving your fuming eyes at Bucky as you passed by him, feeling glad when he winced in his chair, taking in the flames in your eyes. You bolted to the aisle, letting the doors slam behind you, not wanting to endure his stomach-turning presence any longer.

You were practically jogging on your way to your bedroom, restraining the tears of anger inside of you, when you heard the last voice you wanted to hear behind you.

“Y/N, wait.” Bucky softly asked, slowing his pace when he got near you.

The rage bubbling in you made you want to spit what you were feeling on his face, so you briskly turned to confront him with a poking index finger on his chest.

“Ok, you hear me out…” you snarled before he could say anything else and you kept the harsh tone to speak to him. “I have to thank you for thinking of me and signing permission for the mission, but what the hell are you…”

“I’m always thinking of you, Y/N…” He cooed, biting his lower lip and staring that deep stare of his down at you. Oh, no. You gasped the rage away from your chest. He gently dragged his hand to hold the one you had pointed at him and you felt glad for his grab, or else your weakening legs would betray you.

“But you don’t have to thank me, you earned your place. It was not fair to you to let my own fears get in your way.” He tenderly said and the words wrapped around your chest, making your stupid heart flutter.

No, you were not stupid. Not stupid. You could do this. 

You took a deep breath and forced your eyes away from his, removing your hand from his touch and taking a step back, “Bucky, stop this, please, whatever it is you’re doing…” you heard the weakening of your voice, so you forced a strict tone to come back to your next words when you looked at him, folding your arms around you “Why the hell did you insist on working with me back there? I don’t understand what that was all about.” you raised and lowered your shoulders, nodding at the briefing room behind him.

“I’m not one to abandon a mission.” It didn’t take a second for him to respond with determination.

“You wouldn’t be abandoning a mission…” you argued, but he didn’t let you finish.

“Do you remember what I said to you when you told me you were not mine to protect?” He asked and when you sighed, closing your eyes and not answering his question. He took a step closer to you. 

Your breathing suddenly became erratic.

“Well, I do remember. I said I wanted to change that. And I meant it. Whatever it takes, I will change that,” another step closer, “even if you don’t believe me now. I’ll show you what you really mean to me.” your widened eyes were trying hard to see a sign on his face that would tell on his concealed intentions, but it only terrified you to find sincerity and regard where you expected to meet dishonesty and pretence.

“I’ll make you accept the truth, Y/N. I know, for some twisted reason, your mind doesn’t let you see how things really are, but I’ll show you.” He never took his worshiping eyes from yours while he said the words that you were fighting to not believe. 

“Bucky…” you whispered. What he was saying and his gaze became too much and you finally averted your eyes to the floor.

You were incapable of taking a step back and your arms slowly dropped to your sides when he cupped your chin between his thumb and index finger, lifting your head to look back at him, leaning even closer to you.

“You’re my mission, doll. The most important one to me. So, no, I don’t plan on abandoning it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're set up!

His face kept getting closer and closer and closer…

A preventive hand on Bucky’s chest made him stop midway from your lips, and you swatted his hand away from your face.

“I’m nobody’s mission,” you barked, forcing yourself to escape from the enchanting daze he had just put you under seconds ago.

“I don’t need you to make me see how things really are; everything is crystal clear to me, Bucky.” You added, grounding your voice to conceal the weakness of almost letting yourself fall for his charm all over again. 

As he opened his mouth to respond, the door of the meeting room at the end of the corridor opened and your teammates started to come out of it, a fuzzy noise of chattering following them. 

You aimed a last glare at Bucky before fleeing away from his presence, choosing to not give any credit to the disappointment decorating his features.

The next couple of days, you spent either trying to avoid or escaping from his company. It didn’t matter the place you were, if it was the training room, the kitchen, the common place, Bucky would be there, with his ovewhelming presence, beautiful pleading eyes, kind words and gestures to you, no matter how purposely rude you were to him.

Despite his constant presence and the persistent attempts to talk to you again, you had managed to keep the level of interaction to a minimum, restricting it to the necessary in training sessions since you were still his partner for the upcoming mission, yet, you always dragged someone to be there with you, mostly Wanda.

More than once, even if you tried your best not to, your eyes travelled to meet his, and you had to fight the urge to throw yourself into his arms. It was driving you insane how much you longed for the cool feeling of metal enveloping your waist.

This was why you spent a huge part of your time inside your room, the only space he didn’t have free access to. Strangely, you hadn’t seen Natasha around him, or better, you hadn’t seen Natasha at all after the briefing. It was like she had never come back. Yes, you had told him everything was crystal clear to you, but in fact that entire situation was too confusing. You expected to see them together, but instead Bucky followed you like a lost puppy and Natasha was nowhere to be seen. 

Your head and your heart engaged in a constant battle, the first telling you to stay away or you would get hurt even further, the other begging you to give in and take his words and his actions as a proof that he was as invested in you as you obviously still were in him. 

It was exhausting to live through that inner war, not to mention the emotional work you put yourself through to get away from him, when all you wanted was to hold him tight in your arms, ravish his gorgeous face with kisses and never let go. Add the stress of an imminent mission to that and you were ready to suffocate. 

So when Sharon asked you out to go dancing, you didn´t think twice. It was her birthday and she had planned dinner out with Steve to celebrate, but, then, at the last minute she called you very upset, saying Steve had blown her off to work, given the proximity of the mission.

This wasn´t unusual for you and Sharon, going out just the two of you due Captain America´s working schedule and missions, but you couldn’t help but find it odd and a bit of a dick move from his end. It was his girlfriend´s birthday, after all. But, then again, who were you to judge other people’s love life anyway. You just promptly took the invitation, without further comments or questions. 

Her favorite club was just a few blocks away from the Tower, so you two decided to walk. It was refreshing to have this moment with your best friend. In the way you talked about everything and nothing, catching up and laughing, enjoying the busy life of the streets. Walking arm in arm with Sharon, you looked forward to the night ahead. 

Closer to the club, the muffled sound of music filled your years. You looked at Sharon to make a remark on a group of hipsters you had just passed by, but her pursed lips shut you up, you followed her line of sight and caught what held her gaze.

Two Super Soldiers, standing by the place’s door, visibly bickering with each other, until Bucky glimpsed you two getting closer and elbowed Steve, straightening his posture, which his friend followed on cue.

“Fucking great, Sharon,” you cursed under your breath, the excitement for the night instantly vanishing away from you. You had been set up.

Your friend ignored your scold, opening her lips in a wide grin along with her arms to encircle them around her boyfriend’s neck. “Steve, you made it.” she exclaimed, gracing her words with a surprised tone. You had to give her some credit; if you didn’t know her like the back of your hand you would never doubt her shock was genuine. She played her part well.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand…

“H-hi, baby, o-of course, I’m here, yeah, s-surprise,” he stuttered in a robotic voice that would make Friday cringe, finding trouble to relax his arms and hold her back, looking directly at you behind her back.

“Jesus, Steve,” you howled in a humorless laugh “Thank God you don’t depend on your acting skills to survive.” You folded your arms around you.

Sharon disentangled herself from Steve to look back at you with an almost believable outraged expression, while the Captain seemed lost, scratching the back of his neck and grimacing. Glaring at your friend, you avoided at all costs the other pair of haunting blue eyes bored into you. The tension thickening the air.

“Obviously, you’re not alone for your birthday, I’m out of here. Enjoy yourselves.” you stated, turning on your heels to leave.

A hand grabbed you by the elbow, dragging you a few feet away from the awkward scene.

“Ok, you listen to me-” Sharon said while you yanked your arm from her grasp.

“No, you listen to me.” You pointed a finger at her chest. “You know damn well I wouldn’t have come if I knew he would be here and, still, you set me up. Great friending skills, Sharon.”

“Exactly, you wouldn’t have come,” she snapped, raising her tone as she kept going, “and I wanted to spend my birthday with the people I love the most, the same people who are leaving on a goddamn mission, leaving me here alone wondering when, or even if all of them will come back. I used to do it only for Steve, now you… and, yes, also my boyfriend’s mistress, a centenary 300 pound super soldier who grumped his way into the small group of people I truly care about. If you can’t deal with his presence here, if you can’t do this for me, then, fine, leave! Stay safe on this fucking mission of yours and call me when you come back.” She ended her rant, locking her arms around herself and looking away.

You kept your stare on her, studying her features. You knew she was being a bit dramatic for good measure, but you also knew there was sincerity in what she had said. You sighed.

“Fine, I’ll stay.” You growled, also folding your arms around you. She looked back at you already grinning, “But if it becomes too much, I’ll leave,” you adverted, arching a brow and strutting back to where the soldiers sheepishly waited.

Sharon hugged you from your back on the way, “Thank you, I love you.”

You smirked, patting her hand on your shoulder, “I love you too. You’re a pain in the ass, but you’re my pain in the ass, what can I do?”

The club was crowded, the loud music pulsating into your body. The four of you took seats in a high round table Sharon had reserved in advance, close to the dance floor. Hurriedly, Sharon sat in a stool next Steve, forcing you to take the seat right beside Bucky. Followed by the rest of your party, you promptly ordered a drink, in hopes the alcohol would get you through the night.

You still hadn’t addressed Bucky other than a quick nod after you decided to stay. An awkward silence had ruled between you two ever since. Sharon was the only one able to strike up a conversation, while Steve muttered a word or two at her. Poor Captain, he was never one to know how to handle uncomfortable social situations. 

Well, that lasted only until the successive rounds of drinks did their job and all of the sudden the four of you were all laughing at stories about skinny Steve in the 30’s, Vision’s social inadequacy, Clint’s short temper and so on. Bucky seemed especially fond of stories about missions where Sam had somehow messed up.

Between drinks and laughs, you two exchanged prolonged looks, small smiles and light “accidental” knees brushes, which brought nothing but a sense of comfort and fuzzy, yet welcomed, feelings to you, like this was how it was supposed to be.

With the tension dissipated, you allowed yourself to take him in. He looked absolutely ravishing in a long sleeved navy blue shirt, which highlighted his eyes, you noticed he wasn’t wearing a glove, so his metal hand was uncovered, resting on his thick thigh threatening to rip his dark jeans out. You smiled briefly acknowledging he didn’t look uneasy at all by the displayed metal appendage and you didn’t do anything to stop it when a metal little finger navigated from his thigh to fidget around yours hanging under the table.

Glancing up at him, his lips were twisted up in a shit eating grin, while, at the same time, he seemed to be focused on whatever anecdote Steve was telling.

Yes, you sighed, this was how it was supposed to be. Your own smile plastering over your lips.

“Bucky?” A high pitched voice coming from behind you made you stop gawking at him and turn to see the owner of the voice. A long haired brunette, dressed in a tight short black dress and heels of the same color sharper than your knives. Her perfectly white teeth were exposed to Bucky as she passed straight by you, her purse bumping into your back, making you bend forward and almost spill the dry martini in your hand. 

Your pinkies immediately unraveled when she threw herself on his neck. Frozen in place, his widened eyes locked on you, even when you averted yours. The light mood instantly dead.

“Bucky, where have you been?” the stunning, annoying brunette asked, leaning back from the unrequited hug and propping herself between you and him, with her back turned to you. “Look at you, you’ve cut your hair,” She screeched, fumbling with his hair. 

“I, ahm, hi, Anna, right?” Bucky stuttered, recoiling away from her touch and making her laugh, what to your ears was nothing but a squealing sound. Everyone else remained unnervingly silent.

“You’re so adorable. It’s Cindy, silly,” she remarked stridently, playfully shoving his shoulder. “Listen, I think I may have given you my wrong number that night, since I didn’t hear from you again…”

It was too much. You turned to Sharon, your eyes rolling relentlessly. While Cindy kept releasing infuriating sounds out of her mouth, you offered “I’m going to dance, wanna come?” Sharon quickly nodded and, after a peck on Steve, she followed you to the dance floor, placing a supportive hand on your lower back. She knew you well enough to understand what was going through your mind. 

Even if you were sitting next to him along with another obvious couple, not for a second did the girl assume you two were together, blatantly throwing herself upon him and ignoring your presence. But, really? Could you blame her? If she was a representation of the type of girls he liked, of course she wouldn´t deign to imagine he would have any kind of interest in you.

You went to the dance floor hoping to dance the humiliation and anger away. The loud beat of the music, the colorful lasers swinging around, the multiple rocking and grinding bodies surrounding you, the alcohol inundating your head, the heat taking over your body … all of this together did a terrific job of clouding your thoughts.

It had been just a few seconds on the dance floor, but you were already feeling that good kind of numbness, which allows the body to move on its own.

With your eyes closed, you didn’t see Sharon’s smirk when she glanced behind your shoulder, but you certainly felt the coolness of the metal on the side of your waist and the heat hovering on your back. 

Your eyes popped open and Sharon was already nowhere to be seen. Your movements didn’t cease, but slowed down; you drove your hand to rest upon the metal one on your waist, with the intention to remove it from the spot. However, you found yourself guiding it to your front. Finally relishing in the feeling of metal circling your waist, you leaned back on the broad structure of muscles which shaped his chest.

“You keep running away from me.” His husky voice on your ear converted into a chill washing over your spine, his hips swinging in sync with yours, his soft beard caressing your neck and messing with your mind. 

“I thought you were in good company,” you retorted, leaning even closer to him, your body language betraying the attempt to put on a stony treatment.

His chuckle reverberated in a shiver all over your body, concentrating in your core. “You’re the only companion I want, doll. When will you understand that?” Doll… the stupid pet name became infuriatingly heartwarming on his lips. You kept waving from side to side together in a slow pace, the music merging into a blur in the end…until you yelped in surprise when he swirled you around, making your dress flutter.

Your stretched arms were linked together by metal and flesh hands, your dumbfounded eyes looked up to see his ravenous gaze savoring you head to toe. His tongue swiped over his bottom lip and a mischievous look popped up on his face before he pulled you closer, only to spin you again, and again, and then bow you backwards.

You turned into a giggling mess and he kept grinning like an idiot between whirls, flicks, yanks, crazy moves that had nothing to do with the rhythm of the music playing. The dance floor became yours as you dove into the movements. While he handled you like a ragdoll, the people around faded away from your senses. There was only him. 

Once again your back met the wall of muscles and his hungry flesh hand skimmed up and down on your side, “God, you’re so beautiful. I missed touching you like this,” he breathlessly confessed, nuzzling in the crook of your neck. Those words in his sultry voice became the only melody you wanted to hear. You missed his touch, too. So much. But for some reason you couldn’t say it out loud. Your response was to bring an arm back and tangle your hand on his soft locks, before spin yourself around and circle your arms around his neck.

However, your eyes didn’t meet his like you expected. Instead, they landed behind him to spot Cindy and some other girl by the dance floor, grimacing at both of you. Your heart sank and the up till now unyielding smile died out when you caught Cindy saying something in her friend’s ear, which made them laugh in a malicious way.

You looked back at Bucky’s questioning narrowed eyes fixated on you. The uninvited memories of his words on the phone with Steve on your first date and his lips on Natasha’s assaulted your mind, crushing your heart all over again and breaking the spell involving the two of you.

No, this was not how it was supposed to be.

You sharply removed your arms from him and took a step back, shifting glances around the room. “Excuse-me,” you mumbled before brushing past him and making a bee line through the dancing bodies straight to the ladies room, ignoring the calls of your name behind you. 

It was not long after when Sharon found you in the bathroom lounge, sharing a ridiculously large pink round couch with other women, some of them checking their cellphones, others making new lifelong friends, and quite a few hiding themselves, just like you, propping your elbows on your knees, hands buried into your hair, contemplating the floor beneath you.

You didn’t bother to lift your eyes when she crouched in front of you. “Hey, are you ok, what’s going on?” she questioned softly, placing her hands on each side of you.

“Why does this have to be so hard, Shar?” you mumbled inaudibly, even if the loud beats were muffled by the closed door separating the room from the rest of the club.

“What?” Sharon insisted, tilting her head down to try and see your eyes.

You sighed and raised up your head to look at her, removing your hands from your now messy hair. Your friend immediately took her fingers to comb the disheveled strays.

“I said why does this have to be so hard? Huh?” you whimpered. “I’m in love with him, Shar.” you recognized it out loud for the first time, bouncing your legs and leaning your head back like a five year old.

“No. Stop it. Don’t smile, this isn’t good! Why is it so hard to not be in love with him? Why can’t I fight it?” you whined, turning your head to the side and inhaling deeply.

Sharon had your attention again when she took your hands between hers on your lap. She was frowning when she said “And why the hell do you have to fight it?”

You wiggled your eyebrows and snorted, shaking your head in disbelief before bowing it down.

“No, I’m serious, why do you have to fight against your happiness, Y/N?” She guided a hand to cup your chin and lift your gaze to her. “You were having the time of your life, like five seconds ago, why fight it? What changed?”

“Cindy…” you muttered.

“Who?” she interrupted, genuinely lost.

“That girl who came to the table…” you were explained just to be stopped again.

“Oh, Jesus, Y/N.” She dropped your hands and got up, sitting next to you. “Bucky didn’t take two seconds to ditch her and follow you to the dance floor. He has been drooling over you the whole night, actually, no, lately that’s all he’s been doing, shamelessly pinning after you. Everyone else sees it, why can’t you?”

You blinked a few times at her words. She wasn’t wrong. You had noticed it too. But it felt so implausible to you…

“Why did he have to go and kiss Natasha then, Shar?” you blurted, a single warm tear rolling down your cheek.

“Did you let him explain himself?” she asked after a moment of silence, resting a hand on your shoulder.

“Sort of.” You shrugged, cleaning with the back of your hand the wet line the tear had left on your face, sighing to see the glare from Sharon. “He started talking and said some things but I wasn’t really listening. I didn’t need to hear excuses or have him breaking my heart with the truth,” you tried to justify yourself.

“You have to listen to him, Y/N, this is the only way for you to truly understand what happened. Bucky has his issues, but he’s not a player, he’s not Jeff. Let him explain his side to you. You gotta stop this thing you do where you sabotage yourself.” She admonished, but keeping a soft tone to her voice.

“Easy for you to say, you have the perfect relationship with the perfect boyfriend, who would never dare to even glance at another woman,” you sneered bitterly, recoiling away from her hand on your shoulder

“Oh yeah?” she shoved you. “Try to be the girlfriend of the most self-righteous man alive for one day to see if it’s easy. Besides, you know exactly who the first love of his life was. Do you have any idea the shoes I have to fill up? The expectations I have to live up to?”

That was a slap on your face. She almost never touched this sensitive subject, but it wasn’t just one time she had called you crying over it. “I know. I’m sorry,” you babbled, meaning your apology. 

She shook her head dismissively, “My point is: there’s no such thing as perfect Y/N, we have to fight every day to conquer a little amount of happiness. But it’s worth it and you deserve it. So, please, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t run away from it. Talk to him,” she asked almost in a plea. “Don’t let the demons in this stubborn little mind win.” she added, poking you in the head, not holding back her strength.

You grimaced, jerking away, protecting yourself with an elevated hand. “Ok, I’ll try, you don’t have to hit me.”

“Sometimes a little brute force does the trick,” she remarked, getting up and giving you a hand to follow her, which you took, suppressing a laugh.

The music was loud again as you two travelled through the door, heading back to the table after grabbing one more dry martini each at the bar. You soon spot Bucky sitting with Steve. They were talking, still oblivious to the two of you crossing the dance floor.

With a tilt of your head, you noticed they were also oblivious to Cindy, sashaying her hips on her way to the same spot as you. Your jaw clenched relentlessly and your free hand pulled Sharon faster by the hand, a raging fire in your gut guiding your legs.

You didn’t have to endure this for another second.

For being closer than you, she got there first and you got to see when she placed her hand on Bucky’s shoulder to get his attention, practically shoving her boobs on his face when he turned around.

An agape Bucky snapped his head to you when you roughly dropped the glass on the table, spilling some of the liquid on your hand and around. Actually, the four heads were staring at you. Cindy annoyingly placing a hand over her heart. 

“I’m done. I’m heading off,” you announced to no one specifically, grabbing your purse from the table and hanging it on your shoulder. You turned to Sharon and hugged her. “Happy Birthday, dear. Enjoy the rest of your night.” You said and leaned back to half smile and assure her everything was alright before patting Steve’s back and turning on your heels to take your leave, intentionally disregarding the defeated sigh and dejection twisting Bucky’s expression.

Three steps ahead and you stopped, slightly tilting your head back, a hand grasped on the strap of your purse “Are you coming or not?”

Hearing the bang of a heavy stool falling back, you didn’t have to especify who you were talking to before resuming your strutting. His stumbling feet were already on your trail.


	16. Chapter 16

“For a second there, I thought you were gonna run away from me again.” Bucky’s animated voice cut through the silence which had been lingering between you two since you’d left the club. The back of your hands brushed ever so slightly against each other as you walked side by side over the almost empty sidewalks. It was late and for a city which never sleeps, tonight it seemed to be dozing. 

You turned your head to take a look at him. He had this beaming grin aiming at you, which got even wider when his eyes met yours. You instantly smirked, holding back a bigger smile, and cleared your throat to respond. “I thought you could use an excuse to make a getaway.” You shrugged, turning your stare ahead again. “That Mindy chick certainly knew how to be pushy.”

Your sneering tone didn’t go unnoticed by him, who chuckled and placed his hands in his pockets. “Cindy, you mean?”

“Whoa, suddenly the precision of her name is so important to you?” you scoffed without even trying to hide your annoyance. “Maybe I was wrong about the getaway, huh?” As you spoke you unconsciously drove yourself to the side, creating a distance from him.

You hadn’t noticed it but he had. “Oh, come on,” he pleaded lightheartedly, pulling you gently by the arm, bring you closer to him again as you kept walking. “That girl is the last thing I wanna talk about, and you know it.”

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye. His hand was still placed on your elbow while he looked at you with those enchanting supplicant blue eyes, making you huff in defeat.

“What do you wanna talk about, then?” you asked, lowering your voice.

“You,” he promptly and firmly answered while his flesh hand descended the length of your arm, targeting your hand. He would have held it if you hadn’t pulled it away from his touch.

You were still close enough to feel when he flinched at your reaction and pulled his hand away from you reluctantly. The rejection he felt was evident in the move, and you folded your arms around yourself while letting loose a quiet sigh.

The silence came back to reign between you two, creating a chasm of uncomfortable distance. You didn’t know why you had backed away so sharply like that. Fear, maybe? Or maybe it was the self-sabotage thing Sharon had talked about.

Fuck, Y/N. Enough of that. You had to clear things up, for better or for worse.

“Why, Bucky?” you abruptly asked, your tone coming out harsher than you intended when you were about to step off the sidewalk to cross an alley. You turned on your heels to face him instead. “Why are you here with me when it’s Natasha you want?” The words seemed to choke you.

You forced your gaze to remain fixed on him, watching the surprise in his widen eyes giving way to tightened lips and a clenched jaw. Once again his hand grabbed your elbow, and you gasped at the determination of the grip as he pulled you to the alley with unbending resolve.

“Is that what you think?” he spat through gritted teeth.

You found yourself trapped between his arms, your back propped against a building wall. Astonished by his snap, you were unable to resist when he took your hand and placed it above the spot where his heart was hammering against his chest.

“Do you feel this?” he asked, tightening the hold on your hand, pressing it harder against his chest.

The beats reverberate through your hand along the extension of your arm.

“You’re the only one who makes me feel this way,” he stated breathlessly. 

You gaped at him, words escaping your mind and halting your tongue. But you didn’t want to speak at all. You wanted, needed to listen to him. 

“You think I’m in love with Natasha?” He got even closer to you, his eyes running all over your face. “Well, there was I time I thought so too, like when I went to that date with you and said all those stupid, meaningless things to Steve, when I was so fucking blind. If that is the case, if it's her who I want, why can’t I get you off of my mind, huh?”

A whimper slipped unbidden through your lips. You thought your legs would give in. Your heart mimicked his, the beats unstable, you were entranced by his beautiful, melodic voice and sweet words.

“Ever since I met you, I keep stumbling into myself. Words keep getting in my way.” He ran his metal hand through his locks and let out a short, breathy laugh. “At first I thought you made me angry, and damn, I was angry…” he glanced towards your dumbfounded eyes, “so damn angry because, God, you’re infuriating, stubborn, fierce, tough…” His metal fingers caressed your cheek, the flesh ones still securing your own against his heart. He took a breath to calm down, losing the exasperated tone from his voice. “A-and you’re sweet, so fucking sweet… and beautiful, kind, sexy… I’ve never felt this way before. About anyone, do you get me? I’m going insane, Y/N. Fucking nuts,” he sighed in frustration.

The sentiment you were getting out of his words was hitting you hard enough to inflame your cheeks and impose your limbs a sweet kind of numbness. Your hand on his chest clenched on his shirt, bunching the fabric under your grasp.

“Bucky-” you whispered eyes closing, attempting to speak despite your dry throat, though you had no idea what to say.

“And I’m terrified…” he persisted in a desperately low voice, one you didn’t dare interrupt, “I’m terrified because I know you deserve better. I know you can do way better than me. I've done you so wrong already...”

Your shaking hand cupped his cheek.

He leaned into your touch and took a shuddering breath in while his eyes fluttered closed. He opened then again to stare deeply into yours, exposing the innermost depths of his emotions in that single glance, setting your heart flipping as he did so. His tongue darted out, running it over his lips to carry on with the clumsy confession that was taking the air out of your lungs. 

“I’m not the man I used to be. I don’t know how to be charming, romantic or whatever anymore. But I’m crazy about you, Y/N, that much I know.”

You felt the urge to bring him even closer to you, so you did, circling your arms around his neck as your foreheads rested against each other. His vulnerability as he took in a quivering breath lingered heavy in the air, but it was beautiful and heartbreaking to you.

You felt his heat hovering over your face as you tried to keep track of the overwhelming feelings inside you. There was nothing but sincerity in what he was saying. Crazy about you. You were crazy about him too, you wanted to tell him that, but why… why…

“Then…” your faltering voice burdened with the wave of emotions the question you were about to ask caused you, “Then, why did you kiss her?” Your arms fell from his neck as the hurtful image popped up in your mind.

“I didn’t,” he exclaimed shaking his head, his hands ran down to your waist to pull you to him, preventing you from escaping. 

“Bucky…” you breathed in a protesting tone, shaking your head as your eyes averted to the side. Once again you tried to create distance, pushing him away by his shoulders. Was he going to deny what you had seen with your own eyes?

“No, no, please, listen to me.” He tightened the hold around your waist, keeping you in place. “I know you saw a kiss.”

You kept avoiding looking at him as he talked, your hands having taken a tight grip on his biceps, prepared to push him away if couldn’t handle whatever his excuse was.

“But what you didn’t see was I didn’t have it in me to respond to it because the only thing in my mind was you. Because I’m so freaking hung up on you, doll, kissing her at that moment was like, I don’t know…kissing my sister.”

You couldn’t help but look up at him, analyzing his expressions as he described what had happened that night when he heard Natasha at his door, how she wasn’t ok and needed to talk to him. He didn’t give you any details of why she was upset, nor the circumstances which made the kiss happen, but you understood it had something to do with her emotional state. Honestly, you had a hard time imagining a woman like Natasha Romanoff feeling vulnerable for any reason, but the sincere desperation of his speech was doing a great job to crumble the walls your insecurities had built up.

He was there with you, pleading and confessing his feelings.

You didn’t know if you could, or even should, resist any longer. 

“I’m so sorry you had to see that. I can only imagine what went through your mind. I should have gone straight to your room and explained it all, but… I was scared, so fucking scared I would push you away, and I only made everything worse,” he admitted, regret lacing his voice.

Your chest clenched at the memory of you alone in your room that night. Of the pain you’d suffered and the heartbreak it had wrought.

“I’m a stupid jerk. I don’t deserve you, I know this, but I want to… to be worthy of you, Y/N. I want you, so bad… only you.”

Both of you took a deep breath, and your teeth worried your lower lip. 

His hands lifted from your waist to cup your cheeks, furrowed brows framing his deeply blue eyes. “Tell me what to do to make you believe what I’m saying, and I’ll do it. I’m lost most of the time, but I’m yours, doll.”

Your heart fluttered and your jaw went slack. You were melting into a puddle beneath his touch and, most of all, under his words. 

“If you tell me you don’t feel anything for me, I’ll back off,” he gulped before resuming, “but if it there’s something there, please, give me a chance to make it up to you. Don’t push me away,” he pleaded, and you were done for.

You returned your arms to his neck and pulled him tight against your chest to rest your head on his shoulder. It was a struggle to make your breathless voice work. “I do… I do have feelings for you, Bucky,” his tensed body relaxed against yours at the same time his grip became firmer on your back, “and I believe you,” you assured him.

He leaned back to look at you, a hopeful smile curling up his lips and love lighting his gaze, sparkling in his eyes.

“But… I’m so messed up. I’m insecure. Anxiety takes the best of me most of the time…” you took a deep breath, “I’m scared, Bucky,” you confessed, tightening your lips, fighting back a stubborn tear trying to roll down your face.

“I’m scared too, doll, but we can make it work. Together. Let me prove this to you. Please, trust me on this,” he whispered, cradling your neck.

Your eyes closed at the soothing effect brought on by the contrast between flesh and metal you loved so much. Add in the brush of his thumbs back and forth over your jaw line and you were putty in his hands.

You swiftly nodded, agreeing to his proposal, to what he responded with a quiet and breathy "Thank God", tightening the hold on you. You wanted him. You could make it work. You wanted to make it work. With eyes still closed, you felt his soft lips on your cheek, then on one watery eyelid, the other, down on your cheek again…

“Bucky…”

“Huh?” he mumbled between one kiss and another, making a path to your lips.

“Can we…maybe… take it slow?” you timidly asked despite the urge to finally press your lips against his and give yourself to him wholly.

His movements stopped at once, and he leaned back as you opened your eyes.

“I’m sorry…” you quietly said, dragging your hands down from his neck to splay them over his chest. “It’s just… it’s been too much to process lately. I don’t wanna rush things and ruin everything. Also, there’s the mission. I know I’m being a pain in the ass. I understand if you-” your rambling was terminated by a metal finger being pressed to your lips.

“Shhhhh, there’s nothing to be sorry about, doll. Anything you want. One step at a time. I’m with you on this.” His smile was soft on his lips and you smiled back, pecking his finger.

“Thank you,” you said, taking his hand in yours, and intertwining your fingers as your hands dropped down.

He started walking backwards, pulling you with him, until you pulled back, stopping him.

“Bucky, I-I’m sorry.”

He narrowed his brows at your whisper, not getting your meaning.

Your eyes fell away as you explained yourself, shame filling you. “That morning, in the kitchen… I said some pretty awful things to you… and I don’t actually mean any of that, Bucky, none of that is true.” You looked back at him, biting your cheek.

He shook his head, smiling tightly. “Don’t worry about it, doll.”

You closed the gap between you, never letting go of his hand, focusing your gaze on his. “I need you to understand none of that is true, please. I was just upset-”

“I know.” He took a finger to ghost over the lines of your cheek, and you relished on the sensation. “I don’t want you to be concerned about it. I’m not. Let’s not think about that day anymore, ok?”

Relief washed over you. Those harsh words you had said to him had been haunting you all those days, in spite of the dread you were feeling. Of course you didn’t really mean any of that and you knew the damage they could cause him.

You smiled foolishly at each other before he offered, “Come on, now, let’s go home.”

Your hands remained tightly linked as you walked back and your heart was full, almost overflowing with joy at the prospect of a new beginning.

A new beginning with him.

~~~

You groaned in frustration as you opened and closed the doors and drawers of the cabinets in the kitchen. Checking every place you knew should hold a sweet treat to ease your pre-mission craving for sugar. But in every one there was a note for you to rip off, written with messages like “Your body is your weapon, don’t ruin it”, “You have a mission tomorrow, go do some push-ups”, “Here’s a protein bar, much healthier”. All of them were signed by Captain America.

He had established a “no junk food” rule on the days leading upto a mission, but this was a bit much for you.

Letting out a fuming huff, you took the damn protein bar and sat at the table. A voice interrupted you midway to the first bite.

“Sugar craving, huh?”

Natasha Romanoff stood by the door frame, arms crossed in front of her with a smirk plastered on her lips.

Her very presence was enough to unsettle you. The fact she was talking to you for the first time brought an icy wave to your chest. Fight or flight state was unconsciously reflecting in the rigidity of your muscles.

You tried to conceal any kind of disquiet when you answered nonchalantly, “Yeah, but Steve has this stupid rule.”

She chuckled and walked into the kitchen towards one of the cabinets behind you. You didn’t know how, but she took a took a couple of Snickers out of a secret somewhere, sliding one to you and keeping the other to herself when she took a seat at the table. 

You eyed the cabinet, then her again, quirking a questioning brow, to which she shrugged and blinked in a playfully smug way.

“If I told you, I would have to kill you. Let’s just say I like to have options of where I can find my sugar.”

You laughed and took a bite from the candy, humming in intense pleasure when the sweet, sinful taste flooded your tastebuds.

“Actually,” your attention came back to her when she spoke again, chewing her own piece of chocolate, “this whole policy is pretty hypocritical of Steve. Everybody knows Bucky sneaks him brownies when they think nobody is looking.”

Your mouth dropped open. “No way!”

She nodded at you, taking another bite on her bar. “It’s true. It’s this special recipe from Bucky’s mother. He only makes them for Steve. It’s annoying.” Her eyes rolled at the statement.

A smile cropped up on your lips. Warm, fuzzy feelings filled your chest when you remembered Bucky had baked them for you on your date in the park.

“It’s Y/N, right?” she asked, to which you answered in the affirmative, “I don’t think we have been properly introduced yet, I’m Natasha.” She extended a hand over the table to you.

“I know who you are. You’re a legend among agents all around the world. I’m honored to meet you, Natasha,” you responded with honesty, shaking her hand.

She nodded and tightened her lips humbly. Despite the tension in your body slowly easing because of her friendly behavior, you wondered what she was doing on your floor anyway.

“Ahm, Steve and Bucky are-” you started to point out, but she was quicker.

“At the gym, I know. I didn’t come here for them,” she declared, a serious expression on her face.

“Oh…” Your muscles stiffened all over again. What would she ever want with you?

“You know, YN,” she said quickly, laying one hand over the other on the table after resting her chocolate aside. “I’m not really one to beat around the bush, so I’ll just cut to the chase and get down to business.”

You expected nothing less from her, so you nodded, waiting for the bomb to smash you.

“I know there’s something between you and Bucky. He told me that much my first night here after I came back. But even if he hadn’t said anything, it’s pretty obvious the guy is so head over heels for you it’s embarrassing.” She shook her head, letting out an exaggerated breath.

Your cheeks burned, a stupid smile threatening to form on your lips.

“Anyway,” she cleared her throat, “I don’t know exactly what he told you about the night I came back, I haven’t really spoken to him since, but he’s been acting like someone kicked his puppy, so here’s what happened: I kissed him, but you need to know there’s nothing more than friendship between us and I was the one who initiated the kiss. He never responded to it.” She looked firmly at you, her jaw clenched.

You couldn’t quite understand how that declaration affected you. You had seen it, you had talked about it with Bucky, but having her in front of you saying what she was saying, it was something else entirely. You tried to breathe and understand how it was making you feel.

“I was … ahm… I needed…” She hesitated and her words faltered. She ran her tongue over her lips. Her whole demeanor didn’t match the idealized image you had about Natasha Romanoff. You knew that look, too well for your taste. That vulnerability, though it seemed misplaced on her figure, it was familiar and you knew what it meant: Heartbreak.

Then, you understood how you were feeling.

You were thankful for the fact she was willing to expose herself like this in favor of giving you an explanation she didn’t owe you at all, and also, you felt empathy for the woman. She didn’t seem to be much different from you at the moment. 

“It’s ok, Natasha,” you said in a surprisingly calm voice, “you don’t have to say anything else. Everything is ok.”

She eyed you suspiciously, taking a moment to analyze your expression before her features softened and her posture relaxed. “Are you sure? What about Bucky?”

You nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “It’s all good. We're good... don’t worry about it. Thanks for coming talk to me, though. It truly means a lot.”

She shook her head dismissively. “Bucky means a lot to me, Y/N. I couldn’t bear to see him hurting, especially because of me. He deserves better.”

“I know.” You tightened her lips at her.

She seemed like she was going to say something more, but a voice caught your attention. 

“Chocolate, really?” Steve’s chastising tone resounded through the room, and you tossed the chocolate bar away from you, your eyes widened at being busted.

He was by the door, Bucky on his tail, looking over his shoulder. His eyes darted from you to Natasha, and the color drained from his face.

“Oh, shut up, Steve. You have crumbs on the corner of your mouth!” Natasha howled without even bothering to look at him behind her. She rolled her eyes at you, and you covered your mouth to laugh when the captain cursed to himself and hurried to the sink to clean the traces of the cheating of his own rule from his face.

“Ahm, everything ok here?” Bucky tentatively asked making his way to stand beside you. He placed a hand on your shoulder, squeezing the spot, and looked down at you with a crease between his brows.

You rested your hand over his and looked up, smiling and nodding.

“Everything is great, Barnes.” Natasha stood from her chair, grabbing her chocolate. “It was really good to finally talk to you, Y/N. I’ve heard great things about you,” she pointed out, smirking at Bucky, before turning her focus to you again. “Actually, I’ve seen some footage of your training; I’d be delighted to set up a sparring session with you when this mission is over. What do you say?”

“I say it’s a date!” You accepted the challenge before she winked at you and left the kitchen.

“Well, that will be interesting,” Steve said from behind you, leaning back against the balcony.

You half-heartedly huffed at him, clasping Bucky’s hand still on your shoulder. Looking up at him, he was beaming widely at you, which you mirrored promptly.

Finally, peace was holding sway over your feelings. 

~~~

The small quinjet was flying stealthily through the sky, accommodating you, Bucky, Steve and Wanda. All of you were fully suited and armed. In the other jet, which was strategically taking an alternatively path, there was the rest of the team, minus Tony, who preferred to fly alone using the suit.

“Ok, guys, you’re approaching the location now.” Natasha’s voice reverberated through the comns, breaking the unnerving silence.

Steve started the procedures for landing. You and Bucky got up from your seats and took your places by the opening door. He was standing behind you, waiting for the orders to jump.

The adrenaline speed up your breathing and washed over your body. You liked that kind of feeling, though. It meant you were about to do what you loved. What you’d dedicated your life to.

While one hand held a tight grasp on the gun by your belt, the other hung loose, opening and closing as a sign of your excitement. The nervous twitch stopped when the metal hand took yours in it, forcing you to take a deep breath and tilt your head slightly.

“Please, be careful,” he whispered in your ear.

You felt glad he was there with you. Turns out you formed a great match on the field. You hoped that would be the case in every other area of your life together as well.

Maybe it had been this thought, or maybe it had been the rush of adrenaline that made you turn around and captured his lips in a feverous kiss.

He responded right away with the same ferocity, your lips molding together in a frenetic dance. Still holding his rifle, he wrapped his arm around you, bringing you chest to chest with him, the weapon tingling on your back. You tugged his locks in response, making him hum in delight. His soft tongue laced around yours, making you dizzy and your heart accelerate even further. You had no idea how you got through all this time without his lips on yours.

It was like kissing a dream.

A dream from which you woke up after hearing the loud clearing of throat coming from Steve. You broke the kiss ignoring the smirk on Wanda’s lips behind Bucky.

Staring into his eyes you saw affection, desire, longing, but you also saw concern. You knew how he felt about this mission in particular. You cursed HYDRA for still having this effect on him. 

“For good luck,” you whispered, resting your forehead against his.

“I’m a very lucky guy,” he answered also in a low voice, half smiling, still safeguarding you against him.

“We’re here. It’s time. On three, guys,” the Captain’s voice commanded, and you swiftly turned around, taking position.

“One…” Steve started counting at the same time the quinjet was about to reach the ground, “two…” you heard the unlocking sound of Bucky’s rifle, “three.” You were out of the jet.

The mission was on.


	17. Chapter 17

A pungent smell of rubbing alcohol mixed with other chemical products invades his senses as his heavy eyelids flutter. A faint sound beeps in the distance and he blinks repeatedly, squinting to dissipate the blurring bright light twisting his surroundings. A hospital? By the soreness he has just detected in his whole body, he guessed right. Actually, by a specific smell of disinfectant he so damn well knows, it’s clear he’s in the Tower’s medical bay.

Bucky!

A screaming female voice resonates in his head and his eyes snap wide open. Bucky’s heart immediately starts pounding in his chest, matching his sudden erratic breathing. He knows that voice. He knows that voice… The beeps in the room become faster as he tries to identify why this desperate call of his name echoing in his head squeezes his guts in such a stinging way. 

Bucky!

He jumps. The IV detaches from his arm as he sits upright on the single bed.

Y/N…

It’s your voice. These are your screams crowding his mind. A throbbing ache washes over his head as he remembers. It was an ambush. The mission. The lead to it. Everything. They knew you were coming. They knew and they had one goal only.

You.

He ignores the excruciating pain in his body to let his bruised legs fall to the bedside and gets up, stumbling to grab a pair of blue pants he finds laying on the armchair beside the bed. 

Small pieces of the puzzling events play in his head as he shoves the pants under the hospital gown he already has on. There were enough HYDRA agents, weapons, explosives to take over the world and he remembers the reason for his injured body: the whole fucking structure of the facility collapsing upon him.

Bucky!

His chest coils and a lump of bile forms in the back of his throat, forcing him to bend over and take deep breaths in, propping a hand on the chair for support. This was the last sound he heard before the bricks knocked him down. The image of your desperate expression matching your voice as they pushed you into the helicopter bursts into his mind. He knows it’s a scene which will haunt his nightmares for the rest of his life.

He let that happen. He failed you. His mind races as his feet drag him out of the room. He must find you. He has to bring you back.

“Friday, where’s Steve.” The dry voice coming out of his lips sounds strange to him.

“Sergeant Barnes, I’ve detected numerous fractures and injures over your body, I must recommend you to-”

“Where the fuck is Steve?” He tries to shout but the sound is still weak due the lack of use.

“The team is gathered in the tactical room, Sergeant,” she answers resignedly.

As he lurches down the aisle, nurses and doctors steps away when he aims a warning glare at them. The desperate rage swelling inside him makes him almost wish someone would try and stop him.

When he bursts into the tactical room he meets a dead silence which no one needs to tell has been caused by his sudden presence.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks, fighting to fill up his lungs with air.

“Bucky, you should-”

“I’m fine, Steve.” He raises a hand to brush off the Captain, who is standing right next to Nick Fury, as the others are sitting at the round table. “Now, where the fuck is Y/N?” It’s just then he notices a huge hologram screen with your picture in it. His stomach drops and his mind goes dizzy, taking the roughness out of him as he inhales a shuddering breath.

Steve sighs and lowers his head, placing both hands on his waist, “At least sit down, Buck.” he pleads to his best friend, raising his eyes at him again.

Slogged steps drive Bucky to the chair next to Sharon, who places a both supportive and supplicant hand on his shoulder. He regards the people surrounding him. The signs of the failed mission evident in the bruises tinting the skins of most of them and in the saddened, avoiding gazes on their faces. There are Wanda, Vision, Maria Hill, Natasha… he notices the absence of Sam and Clint, guessing they might also be in the medical room. 

His eyes meet Tony’s, who seems just as torn up as him. The Iron Man’s glossy eyes linger on his for a split of second before he averts them, his jaw clenches as he stares at his own folded arms. Bucky knows he blames him and, once again, Tony Stark is right to blame him.

“Where is she?” Bucky asks again looking back at Steve, but now it’s a much softer sound which comes out from his lips.

“They have her, Buck.” Steve says, tightening his lips as his eyebrows remained knit together.

Bucky swallows to avoid the scream forming in the deep of his lungs. His hands shut in tightened fists above the table. They have her.

“Why? Why her?” He manages to say, between gritted teeth, trying to control the desperate rage threatening the burst inside him.

“As I was explaining before you got here, Sergeant…” His head snaps to Nick Fury, who swipes his hand over the screen with your picture, to change it to another of a man and a woman. Bucky’s heart flips. The man’s eyes have the exact same color of yours and it’s your smile adorning the woman’s expression. “These are George Y/L/N and Rita Y/L/N. They were scientists. Very good ones, as a matter of fact. They used to work as freelancers for SHIELD’s Enhanced Chemistry Department. Several years ago they contacted us, claiming they had successfully recreated the Serum used in the Captain. We arranged a meeting in their Lab, but by the time we got there, we only found the whole place destroyed and their dead bodies.” Fury lowers his tone in a respectful manner. 

“Hydra…” Bucky whispers. His heart racing as he understands where the explanation would be heading to.

“Exactly.” Nick nods. “As we all already know, SHIELD had been compromised at the time and now we understand we had a leak.” Nick’s jaw clenches before continuing with his exposition. “George and Rita were married and had a little girl of their own. She was 9 when that happened.” He once again swipes over the screen to display your picture. “We never knew what had been made of her, so we assumed she was gone too. Until this very morning, when Agent 13 decided we were worthy of the information.” He directs a stern look at Sharon.

She doesn’t flinch at the scowl, but keeps a respectful tone as she responds, “She confided in me as a friend, Sir, not an agent. I couldn’t betray her trust like that.”

“Leave her alone, Nick, I knew it too.” Tony’s voice captures everyone’s attention. “I don’t blame SHIELD for not finding it out. It took Friday some hours to get to it after Y/N got here, so…”His tone carries the usual sarcasm, but his attitude is nothing but playful. “The kid is something else.” His features softens a bit as he chuckles and shakes his head fondly. 

“This information shouldn’t have been concealed-”

“Oh, screw it!” Tony runs his hand over his face till the back of his neck, making his hair even more disheveled. “HYDRA has her. They probably think she has the serum or some information about it, blah, blah, blah. But Friday hasn’t found any evidences she has it-” 

“She doesn’t.” Sharon interrupts. “Y/N was there, when HYDRA invaded her parents’ lab.” She glances at Steve, who nods at her, and Sharon resumes “Her father hid her and the Serum in a secret locker when they saw what was coming. She witnessed it all.” The woman takes a breath before continuing. “Before SHIELD arrived, she escaped from the hiding place and got rid of the liquid and the formula as she ran. She mentioned that, at the time, she figured if people were murdering because of that thing, it shouldn’t exist in the world. She’s been on her own ever since.”

Bucky is listening to everything. Each word sinks deep in his guts, twisting his stomach in aching knots. The things you must have been through, witnessing the assassination and most likely torture of your parents, being on your own since you were just a child…

As the number of voices mingling in discussion fill up his ears, his eyes are trained on the hologram of your picture rising from the middle of the table. You’re wearing SHIELD’s uniform, your hair is pulled back, you have a professionally serious expression on your face and your posture is straightened. How could someone be so beautiful? He guesses the photo was taken when you got into the organization. A time he had no idea you existed. It seems strange to him now, the fact he had lived without you in his life at some point…

Like it has a mind of its own his metal fist slams the surface of the table, making it shake as the loud noise echoes through the room. “We have to get her back,” he states as all eyes are on him.

“I know Buck, and we will.” Steve says, extending a hand as a gesture to calm his friend down, before turning to Tony. “Any news from the tracker device on her suit?”

Tony shakes his head, “No, the only explanation is she turned it off.”

“Why would she do that?” Natasha is the one speaking now.

Sharon takes a deep sigh to respond, “It’s very possible she turned it off deliberately so you couldn’t go after her. Y/N would definitely sacrifice her own safety if she thought there was a chance HYDRA could get their hands on… us.” Her eyes dart to Bucky briefly and the nausea he’s been feeling this whole time twists coils in his throat. Y/N would do it to protect him? 

“Excuse me, Mr. Stark?” Friday’s voice vibrates through the speakers.

“Yeah, Friday?”

“I’ve got an incoming voice message in my system. I’ve run a scan through it and couldn’t detect its origin, but it’s definitely hostile. It’s about Agent Y/N, sir.”

“Play it.” Tony urges, immediately getting up, followed by Bucky.

“Right away, sir.”

Bucky’s heart hammers in his throat, anticipating a voice to fill the room with threats, but nothing has prepared him for what he hears. It starts with a heavy shuddering breathing. It’s you, he knows it’s you. Sharon, who is also standing by now, grabs him by the elbow, her grip prevents both of them from falling back in the chair when he hears a male voice in the back “Do you miss home, my pet?” The words are followed by an unnerving moment of silence, before restrained whimpers precede a loud cry of pain. The recording ends. 

Through his dizziness, Bucky hears the heavy silence which reigns in the room aside for a gasp from Wanda, who lifts her hand to her mouth. There’s a familiar burning fire rising inside him. One he hasn’t felt since… He doesn’t remember feeling much else in that time, when he wasn’t the owner of himself, other than constant anger. He’s feeling it again. Your scream echoes and blurs his mind and heart. There’s one thing he’s sure of at this moment. He’s going to exterminate from the world every single person who is responsible for taking that sound out of you.

“Bucky?” The grip on his elbow tightens gently and he acknowledges Sharon, who is staring at him. A tentative worried look on her face. He can only imagine what he looks like when he turns to see the same expression in everyone else around the table.

“Is that all, Friday?” Tony’s quivering voice breaks the silence.

“I’m afraid so.”

“Keep trying to track where it came from, they will probably get in contact once again.” Tony commands, to which the A.I responds affirmatively.

As the team slowly resumes the discussion about what to do next, Bucky sits down again, having his own plans forming in his head. No, they won’t get in contact again. Of that much he’s sure. They have said everything they wanted to, to whom they wanted to say it.

Do you miss home?

They were talking directly to him. He knows how HYDRA works; he has done it himself before, talking solely with someone even if it didn’t seem so, delivering a message without saying much, but hitting right in the weak spot of their target. Home…Pet. They want him to go where they consider his home. And if it means keeping you safe, this is exactly what he will do.

“What about the facilities of the mission?” Wanda’s voice catches his attention.

“There’s nothing there. We’ve already checked. Besides, everything is destroyed there now,” Steve answers.

There’s nothing there for the others to see. But something tells him this is the place he ought to go. Alone.

Steve ends the meeting with a promise to get back at it in a couple of hours with the joining in of Sam and Clint, who would be released from medical bay soon. His point is the whole team is completely ragged and they have nothing they can do at that moment, besides waiting for Friday or HYDRA to bring them news. Since Bucky knows exactly what he’s going to do, he doesn’t object, which doesn’t go unnoticed by his best friend.

“Bucky, we will get her back,” Steve said, pulling Bucky gently by the arm and keeping his hand there before he could leave the room. How Steve manages to combine softness and firmness in his tone will always be one of his favorite things about him.

“I know, Steve.” He answers, wanting nothing more than to finish the interaction to actually do what he has to do to bring you back. If Steve knew what he’s determined to do, he would never let him. And the last thing he wants is to have a confrontation with him, which he would if he got in his way.

“I’m sorry, about the false lead, I should’ve seen it.” Steve, ever the martyr, doesn’t flinch before taking the blame for the failed mission, which Bucky knows is bullshit. If there was the slightest sign about it all being a trap, Steve wouldn’t miss it. But he sees it as the opportunity to dismiss his friend, so he pulls his arm away and gives him a stern nod, leaving the room, aware of how much his silence adds to Steve’s guilt.

He would deal with him later. If he came back.

~~~

Your panting breath is the only thing echoing through the tiny dark room. Finally. Your own screams have been driving you out of your mind, making you hate yourself for allowing them to happen.

The ground is cold against your cheeks. The cool feeling brings some sense of relief to your hurting skin. The iron from the chains sinks into the flesh of your ankles, as your hands are locked in handcuffs against your back.

You force your brain to think. It must have been almost 24 hours now. You take stock of your injuries so far: one swollen most likely purple eye, several cuts, bruises and burns exposed by the tattered fabric of your suit, busted lips, one fractured rib, and blood. So much blood. On your skin, on your hair, dried on the floor, glistening on the crushed glass sprawled on the ground.

What a fucking cliché HYDRA is, beating and torturing you to try and extract information about that stupid Serum. The thing which got your parents killed. The thing you didn’t think twice before destroying.

The image of your parents’ dead bodies invades your mind and another unwanted tear warms your bruised face. They had prepared you for if something like that happened. You never thought it actually would, you didn’t really understand what they were doing and why it could be dangerous to your family. It was thanks to them you got out of there alive, but that day never left you. You dragged it with you, guiding your actions, guiding you to being an agent, an avenger. Guiding you to the position you find yourself now. 

The throbbing pain coming from the fresh new burn in your thigh reminds you of the last scream you let out, the one you can’t stand yourself for not being able to contain. Let’s say hello to someone special, dear. Your torturer had said, after leaving the room and coming back with a phone in hand. You knew what it meant right away. They were finally convinced you would get them nowhere about the Serum and changed the target. They would use you as a bargaining chip with the team. 

Do you miss home? He said, right before using a welding torch against the skin of your thigh.

Bucky.

It wasn’t so much the pain which make you scream, but the realization of what their target was, or better, who it was. They were talking directly to Bucky. After that, they left and you heard something about the mission location.

You wouldn’t let that happen.

The last thing you’d seen before being blindfolded was tons of bricks falling over Bucky, but you knew he was alive. He was tough like that and Hydra would never put their hands on him again. Ever. Not if it is up to you. This is the reason why you had turned the tracker in your suit off right when you realized there was no way out of their capture.

A distinctive sting in your left thumb brings a smirk to your split lips. You had successfully dislocated it through a beating session and have been waiting the right moment to act. It has to be now. You feel the rush of adrenaline swaying over your body, prompting you to move. You don’t have much time and you can’t say you’re in your best shape after all the torturing inflicted to your body, but it has to be now.

But before you do anything else you thank God for the geniality of Tony Stark, for placing the practically invisible tracker device exactly where the digits usually are placed while in handcuffs and for making it activated by your fingerprints.

~~~

In less than 20 minutes after the meeting Bucky is ready to go. He’s suited up and fully armed, on single resolve as he takes the stairs to the quinjets hangar: He’s going to get you back safe and sound, even if it means he’s the one not coming back.

He wouldn’t risk the elevators and stumble into somebody who would try to stop him. If he moves fast and stealthily enough, when the rest of the team notices his absence, he’ll be long gone.

When he sneaks into the hangar he aims for the smallest quinjet, the one he knows will take him potently fast to his destination. He pushes the button to open the aircraft door, throwing inside the bag full of his preferred guns. He’s ready to jump in when a sound behind stops him. The elevator’s doors.

“You’re not gonna stop me,” he warns without even glancing behind, holding position to get inside the quinjet and go on with his plans.

“I’m not here to stop you.” Bucky whips around, not quite believing whose voice he has just heard.

“Wherever you’re going, it’s the wrong place, Barnes,” Tony says, walking smoothly to his direction, even if just his face is visible under the red metal suit, as a small hologram pops out from his wrist to show him what looked like a map. “Friday just sent it to me. It’s coming from the tracker device in Y/N’s suit. She turned it on.”

“How do you know this isn’t another trap?” 

“I seriously doubt it. She’s the only one with access on the tracker settings, Friday is sending this to the rest of the team and to the jet’s systems right now, but I’m not willing to wait, are you? Do you have a better place to go? Cause I’m damn sure going to get our girl back.” Tony says before his mask covers his face and he flies away through the opened hangar doors, the smoking jets cut through the blue of the sky out of his hands and feet.

Bucky takes a second to ponder the situation over before jumping in the quinjet and taking the route given by Stark in full speed. It makes perfect sense to him, you turning on the tracker if you realized he would be going to the mission location and that wouldn’t be the place you would be. Bucky smirks when he understands he and you are working together miles away, without even talking to each other.

And he almost feels sorry for any fool who might try to stop you.


	18. Chapter 18

Too quiet.

Bucky hears his own cautious steps as he paces through the weirdly empty aisles. He and Tony had almost no difficulty breaking into the facility where the tracker drove them; he hasn’t even needed to use the M4 pointed ahead and suited perfectly to his arms, like an extension of his own body.

The place is familiar to him. The deep of his mind brings flashes of times he has been there before. When he was him.

“Got something, Barnes?” Tony’s voice cuts through the comms. They decided to take opposite sides of the compound as a way to optimize their scarce time. Every second counts if your safety is in jeopardy.

As Bucky turns to the right, he stops and points the gun at two forms sprawled to the ground in front of an opened door.

“I might have,” he says back, using a cautious tone of voice.

As he approaches the bodies he recognizes the HYDRA uniforms. They’re unconscious. Bucky crouches and checks for their holsters. No guns. Hope and excitement races up his heart. You.

He stands up and goes for the opened door in front of him. Flashes of memories from that room come to him. It’s a cell. His stomach twists when he remembers. It’s an interrogation room for prisoners. Tragically, he knows damn well what kind of interrogations are performed in that place.

A lump forms in his throat as the smell of blood and burned skin reaches his senses. The hold around his rifle becomes tighter as he takes notice of the chains on the floor which most certainly have been trapping your body. He brushes off the thought of what might have happened to you in that room and holds onto the conviction that you had successfully gotten out of here. You are tough like that.

“I found the place she’s been kept, but she’s not here anymore. Two guards down by the door,” he talks to Tony through the comm.

“Now that’s some good news. The tracker still shows she’s inside the building-” Bucky hears gunshots and yelling. Tony’s being attacked.

He turns around and storms out of the cell. He jumps the two unconscious bodies and runs through the hall. Soon there are shots fired and heavy steps behind him. A loud alarm rings through the place and the lights start flashing until it’s completely red.

Bucky rushes into a big hall but he bumps into another running form, making him stumble backwards. Catching sight of two guns pointed at him, he aims the rifle, ready to fire for his life. Until his eyes lock on your welled up ones.

“Y/N,” he barely whispers, lowering his weapon, he takes a step closer as his frowning eyes scan your whole body, lingering on your swollen eye. Even in your battered state, at that moment, you are the most beautiful sight he ever laid eyes on. You’re there. All he wants is to hold you in his arms and never let go, shielding you from all the harm in the world. But he’s running out of time. 

“Bucky,” you breathe, tears warming your eyes as a mix of emotions wash over you and your arms fall to the side. He’s here. He’s fine. But you don’t have any time to lose.

“We gotta get you out of here,” the both of you urge in unison just at the time the HYDRA agents you have been running from crowd the room, forming a circle with you and Bucky in the center.

Time seems to move in slow motion as you both spin around. Back to back, you fight. You fight in the perfect harmony you are so used to by now.

The damage to your body makes you a bit slower, but he catches on, already fully recovered from his own injuries. His metal arm works as a shield for the both of you as sprays of bullets fill up the room, the loud bangs cracks through the air as the thickening gun-smoke and red flashes from the ringing alarm distort your vision. You’re grateful for Bucky being such a strict teacher as your training kicks in. 

You use your body to dodge, hands to shoot and your legs to strike, dropping down a number of agents just by your swift moves, ignoring the pain in your whole body with that single thought in your head: you have to get Bucky out of here. They won’t put their hands on him again.

“Are you alone?” You shout between kicks, gunshots, dodges.

“Stark is here. The team might arrive at any moment,” Bucky responds, performing his own assault against the attackers. He’s fast at blocking the shooting with the hard metal.

“Good. A great deal of them left to ambush you in the mission location, but they might have been warned you’re here instead,” you pant as, finding you have run out of bullets, you toss your guns aside and swipe your legs down to drop an agent going for Bucky’s back, dropping you and the first both to the ground with his weight on you. Your legs wrap around his waist and your forearms clench around his throat, putting him to sleep.

With the last man down, Bucky kicks his body away from you and clasps your hand, pulling you to him. He drops his unloaded rifle and gently cups your cheeks before capturing your lips on his.

You respond right away feeling the same hunger and urgency he does. A fluttery sensation rises inside you, working with the adrenaline from the fight, as his soft relentless lips move against yours. The stinging sensation coming from the cut on them is nothing compared to how he makes you feel. A salty taste of tears flavors your lips and you know they aren’t coming just from you. His metal arm descends to your waist and he pulls you, making you hiss and whimper loudly through the kiss as the plates press a still fresh cut on your skin.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m hurting you.” he breathes, backing away from you, depriving you from any kind of touch.

A chuckle replaces the involuntary grimace of pain in your expression and you place a hand on his cheek. “It’s ok,” you soothe, pecking his lips, “But we have to go,” you add, pulling him by the hand to run and find the way out.

As you run through the facility Bucky tries contact with Tony by the comms, but the latter doesn’t respond, which makes your stomach heavy.

“Bucky we have to find him,” you plead, squeezing his hand in yours.

“Stark, where the fuck are you? Y/N is here, we’re heading out.” Bucky shouts, walking past you to turn left when you reach a fork in the way, pulling you with him by your intertwined hands. He pushes a pair of doors before you, leading you to the external area; the sunlight makes you both squint to adjust your sight.

“Well, well, well… what a beautiful spectacle to behold.” Your torturer’s voice makes you stop in your tracks, Bucky instinctively positions himself in front of you. “The prodigal son,” he continues.

Quickly accessing your surroundings you spot some vehicles parked and the quinjet not far behind. You count about 20 agents standing behind the leader, all guns pointing at you. You glance at the pistol on Bucky’s belt behind him and the other two hung on his thigh holsters.

“You.” A breathless sound comes out through Bucky’s greeted teeth.

“Ah, you remember me, my hound.” Bucky’s hand stiffens in your hold.

“Don’t fucking speak to him.” You spit behind Bucky’s shoulder and the cold eyes dart from Bucky to you. 

“You know, my hound? I’ve used some old good techniques with your new bitch.” You squeeze Bucky’s hand when he flinches “She reminded me of you, actually, it was hard to make her scream at first, but when she did, it was beautiful, just like it always was with you.”

“Hey, HYDRA cocksucker, try to make this bitch scream.” A flying black SUV follows Tony’s voice, dispersing the group of agents and their boss among gunshots.

You grab Bucky’s pistol on his belt as he suits himself with the other two. With the help of Tony and all his armory, it doesn’t take long for all the 20 agents you’ve counted to be on the floor, some unconscious, others in agony.

“Come on, the quinjet, now.” Bucky shouts and you run towards him.

You’re jogging to the opened aircraft’s door where he and Tony already wait for you when a forceful grip makes you gasp as it pulls you by the arm behind one of the parked vehicles.

“Y/N!” Bucky and Tony shout in sync.

The barrel of the gun held against your temple is hot on your skin from the recent use. Your arm is wrenched behind your back, forcing you to drop your pistol to the floor.

“If you think it’s that easy to escape from HYDRA, think again, my dear. It took our beloved soldat 70 years to do so.” Your torturer’s breath coats your ear making you shiver as he drags you from behind the car, exposing your trapped situation to your partners, who stopped in their tracks when they catch sight of you.

Bucky’s chest rises and falls in fast but deep breaths, his widened eyes remain glued on yours. Tony by his side doesn’t avert his gaze from you either, extending an arm towards Bucky as an attempt to contain any brusque moves which could put a bullet in your head.

“Let her go.” Bucky’s voice comes out in a surprisingly calm tone, contrasting the evident grit to his jaw.

“And why would I do that, my hound?” The hand gripping your arm tightens incredibly stronger, twisting it further, making you suppress a whimper when your injuries in the spot are squeezed. Bucky takes an automatic step forward and the leader pushes the gun further against your temple, forcing your head to tilt to the side. Bucky stops. “Drop your guns right now, Soldat. And you,” he says nodding at Tony, “Leave the suit.”

Bucky’s slowly crouches to put the two pistols to the floor and Tony doesn’t flinch before the armor opens and he steps forward, leaving it behind as it closes back, remaining standing still. 

Bucky takes a few shuddering breaths before he speaks, “I’ll come with you, just let her go.”

“No.” It slips from your lips, barely a whisper as your breath hitches. You would die before they touch Bucky again.

The leader chuckles against your ear. “So compliant. This is how I like you, this is the real you, Soldat.” He hums in appreciation. “But I think you can do better.” You can feel the smirk on his lips when he continues, “Zhelaniye.” Bucky’s eyes narrow slightly and his head angles to the side before he takes a small step forward.

“Rzhavyy…”

The trigger words. You have read about them in confidential files back at SHIELD, but…

As the leader continues reciting them, Bucky’s face goes blank and he struts towards you.

Your gaze flickers to Tony and your eyebrows draw together, matching his. You catch a glimpse of red metal forming from his right wrist. The Iron Man Gauntlet. Your heart accelerates. You’re not sure about what’s going to happen next.

“Gruzovoy Vagon.” When the last word is said Bucky stands inches from you. Dead in the eyes, but looking straight to the man still holding you.

“Soldat?” He asks.

A moment is spent in silence before Bucky’s expression turns from blank to pure rage.

You close your eyes and his metal hand flies to the gun against your temple. “I don’t work like that anymore.”

His palm blocks the shot bullet before Bucky grabs the weapon and tosses it away. The hold on your arm relaxes and your wide-eyed capturer tries to run away, but the metal hand wraps around his throat lifting him into the air, before he can. His hands grab the appendage as his mouth opens and gasps slips through it in lack of air.

“I’m not your hound anymore. You’ll never touch me, her or anyone else, ever again.” The untamed fury is evident in Bucky’s words and whole body. The grip on the man’s neck remains relentless, even when he drops unconscious.

“Understood, Friday, thank you. Pass it to the team.” You hear Tony speaking behind you. “We have to go. The fucking lunatics have programmed the place to implode in case of invasions. It’s happening in less than 3 minutes. The team is heading over. We need to get out before they get here.” Tony shouts. You glance behind to see him already fully suited, receiving incoming from Friday.

“Bucky,” you plead, tentatively placing your hands on his shoulders,

“He hurt you, he was gonna… he was gonna kill you.” His voice breaks.

“It’s ok, now. We’re ok, let it go. We’re going home.” You use a soft tone to talk to him, hoping to soothe the fire burning his feelings and clouding his mind.

The grip loosens and the seemingly lifeless body falls to the floor.

He turns to you and you take in his expression. Red rimmed eyes soften at the sight of you. It doesn’t go unnoticed by you when he uses his flesh hand to cup your cheek, keeping the metal you’ve just witnessed strangling a man away from you.

“Are you ok?” He asks, all the anger apparently gone as he stares lovingly and worriedly at you.

You smile at him. “I’m fine,” you say, taking the metal hand in yours and enlacing your fingers with his before placing it on your other cheek.

He smiles back. Taking in the meaning of your gesture, a warm feeling coats his chest and a growing urge to kiss you washes over him.

“Fuck me! HEY, there are plenty of rooms at home for the lovebirds which are not about to turn into dust, get your pathetically in love asses back here. Now.” Tony’s impatient voice makes you chuckle at each other before resuming the run towards the quinjet. Hands linked together.

Tony is already taking over the cockpit and you and Bucky have your feet on the ramp to get in when a loud bang resonates through the air, followed by a stinging strong pressure on your back which makes you jerk forward. And then another one just like the first. Your legs give in and you collapse on strong arms. You turn your head as Bucky drags you inside to see the man you assumed Bucky had killed, kneeling on the ground, the gun you left on the floor pointed at you, hate etched on his face.

Before the door is even closed Tony is taking the quinjet to the air with total force. You know there must be plenty of noises around you, but the slowing beat of your heart is the only thing echoing in your ears, as the warm blood soaks your back.

Everything around coils in a blur as your eyes rest on the big frantic blue ones glued on you. Bucky’s desperate expression hovers above you as he kneels with you on the floor, holding you tightly in his arms. His lips are moving desperately. You know he’s talking, shouting, but your failing senses don’t grasp the words.

You want to fight the darkness taking over your vision. You want to focus on the soothing blue, instead. But it’s so hard. So hard. You use the last drop of strength in your now numb body to lift your trembling hand and feel his beautiful face one more time. Strains of tears wet your knuckles through the faint touch.

Between the weakening beats of your heart, sweet whispers seem to reach your ears before everything fades away. 

“I love you…I love you…”


	19. Chapter 19

Inhale. 1,2,3,4,5. 

Hold it…

Exhale. 1,2,3,4,5…

Again.

For the millionth time, Bucky repeated the breathing exercise his therapist had taught him to use in stressful situations. His heartbeats seemed to slow down a little, he had to give her that, but it did nothing to soothe the throbbing pain inside his chest, rushing up and nestling on his throat. His muscles remained tensed as he leaned himself forward, propping his elbows upon his bouncing legs. Hands linked together to control at least some of the trembling. 

9 hours. It’s been 9 hours since one of the worst moments of his life. And he used to think he had already felt the vilest feelings possible. But nothing, absolutely nothing he’d been through in his life had caused him the same kind of despair as witnessing the life slowly slipping out of your body between his arms. He was losing you. 

“Would you stop that?” His gaze swept to Tony, who was sitting on a chair across the waiting room in the Medical Bay, with a finger pointed at Bucky’s rocking legs. “It’s driving me fucking crazy.” He added in a surprisingly calm voice, guiding his hand to run over his face and stopping it on his chin, his elbow held by the other arm folded over his chest.

Bucky leaned back, seizing the frantic movements on his legs and crossing his arms in front of him. Many had come and gone. Steve had just succeeded on dragging Sharon to eat something and maybe rest a little. But he and Tony didn’t budge, not even before all the appeals from everyone else.

As soon as Tony just about crashed the quinjet into the tower, the entire medical team was ready and waiting for you. You had resisted the whole way back home. You were a fighter. His fighter. 

But now, it had been too long since you went in there. There hadn’t been a word from the doctors since a nurse let them know you were in surgery, hours ago.

“That’s it, I’m getting in there.” Bucky bolted upright, strutting to the door, only to be stopped by Tony´s hand on his shoulder, who immediately stood up by the door.

“Easy there, soldier. Friday… any news on Y/N?” The dreadful hesitation before the question and the thick silence which preceded the response was enough to show why it hadn’t been made before. None of them were ready to face the many possible answers.

“Agent Y/L/N is still in surgery, sir.” Friday finally answered.

“See?” Tony tapped his arm before letting out a breath and sitting down again. “Let them work. She needs it.” 

Bucky’s head dropped as he took in a long sigh for himself. Two shots in her back, plus the numerous cuts, bleedings, bruises, fractures in result from hours of torture you had endured… Bucky could try, but there was no way to fool himself and assume it would be easy for them to save you. As he took a seat next to Tony, leaving one vacant chair between them, he leaned his back to the wall and faced the ceiling. His mind raced, replaying the events at the HYDRA facility, evaluating all of his moves, trying to identify the exact moment where he had let this happen, where he had failed, what he should have done to avoid it.

“It wasn’t your fault.” His eyebrows furrowed at the words and he leveled up his head before turning it to the side. 

Tony’s face was aimed straight ahead, but he looked back at him to continue. “Come on, there’s guilt dripping out from all over you,” he stated waving his hands over Bucky.

“I should’ve-” 

“Don’t give yourself so much credit, Barnes,” Tony insisted, firmly holding his stare on Bucky. “There’s nothing you could’ve done. You didn’t have a say on what happened. It isn’t your fault now…” He swallowed, struggling to let the words come out. “It wasn’t your fault…then.” Tony returned to looking straight ahead, blinking repeatedly. “I know that.” He nodded, his voice almost a whisper.

A wave of emotions swelled in Bucky’s chest at the same time he felt his shoulders freezing at Tony’s statement. He kept looking at him as long time held tears threatened to form in his eyes. He knew what that “then” meant. The subject, although haunted him almost every night, had never been brought up again, not after that dreadful day in Siberia, not after he got back from Wakanda and joined the team. He wanted, needed to say something and his mouth opened and closed repeatedly before any sound could come out.

“I-” the screech of the doors opening interrupted him to say whatever he would say. They both whipped their heads to see the doctor coming in and stood up at once

“Doctor Palmer,” Tony greeted.

“Stark, Sergeant Barnes.” She nodded in acknowledgement of them. “I have some great news. The surgery was a success.” She smiled and Bucky let out the breath he kept holding ever since she came in. Tony drove his hand to Bucky’s shoulder, giving it a light shake. They exchanged looks, smiling tightly in understanding of the relief they both shared.

“It wasn’t easy. Both bullets hit her spine, her lumbar vertebra to be specific. The vibranium technology Princess Shuri has provided us a while ago was essential to the success of the procedure,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows to Tony, who grinned at her. “Her recovery should be fast. With rest and proper care, she’ll be as good as new soon…” His fighter…She would be alright. Dr. Palmer kept explaining your state and necessary treatment in medical terms, but there was only one question for Bucky at the moment.

“Can I see her?” She stops talking and regards Bucky for a moment, scrutinizing him from head to toe.

“Well, she’s still sedated, but I guess it won’t hurt if you get in there for a moment.” Bucky let out a breathy laugh and stepped ahead, being stopped by her hand on his chest. “Not like this, Sergeant.” Her eyebrows drew together and Bucky aimed a confused look at her. She signed towards his clothes and hands. “You’re gonna need a shower before getting in her room, it’s a medical center and she has just come out of surgery.” The doctor huffed like it was a logical thing to assume and he remembered he’d come from battle straight to here, dirt and blood all over him. “There’s a bathroom you can use at the end of the hall, I’ll tell the nurses to give you some clean clothes from the staff, then you can get in there. Come on.” She waved him over and spun around to leave.

“Thank you, doc, for coming in such short notice, send Strange my best regards,” Tony said and she raised a hand with thumbs up, walking away.

Bucky urged to follow her, but at the door, he stopped for a moment and took an encouraging breath, turning back to Tony, and giving him a thankful smile. He knew their partnership in rescuing you and the fact Tony had just showed signs of forgiveness about what had happened years ago would be one more step to his own peace of mind. He gained a small smile and a nod in response, which were more than enough to him.

~~~

After taking the quickest but still effective shower of his life and putting on the clean blue pants and t-shirt a nurse had given him, he opened the door to your room cautiously, trying hard to not make any loud, brusque noise that could wake you up, even knowing you were still under the effect of meds.

Another nurse was there, regulating the flow of the liquid dropping into the IV attached to your arm. She smiled at Bucky and nodded him in.

Once inside the room, he took sight of your sleeping form. A white blanket covered most of your body, which made only the badges in your arms visible. His stomach clenched at the purple bruises creeping up from the under your hospital gown to your neck, matching the ones on your arms and face. 

The nurse ended what she was doing and gave him another quiet smile. “She should wake up soon. If you need anything, please, push that button and one of us will be here.” She pointed at the button by the bed, before excusing herself and leaving you both alone.

Bucky tiptoed to your side and slowly moved an armchair closer to your bed, where he took a seat, never taking his gaze away from you.

He gently placed his hand over yours before sliding his palm under it, loving how soft it felt against his, holding it securely in his flesh hand. His lips curled up when he took in your warmth against his, carrying the life in you to his senses.

For the first time since that damn mission Bucky allowed himself to relax. You were alive. You were hurt, sure, but you were safe. You were there with him. Finally. Each rigid muscle of his body was losing tension as he took a shuddering long intake of air. He didn’t even noticed when he dozed off, resting his head on the mattress, right above your linked hands.

A comforting sensation of delicate fingers running through his hair brought him back from his sleep. As he lazily lifted his head the tender touch brushed down his face and rested on his jaw. His gaze met yours. Your eyes still squinted a little, due the lingering effect of the medication. You had an adorable smirk quirking up the side of your lips, which made him smile at you promptly as well.

“You love me,” you murmured. Your voice came out raspy, the half-smile still present while the last words you had heard before blacking out echoed in your mind, fuzzing with your heart, just like the shades of pink rising on his cheeks at your statement did.

His smile faded and his eyes became frantic, avoiding yours, “Ahm, y-you’re awake…the nurse…doctors” he drove his hand to the button next to you, “I-I’m gonna call them, you need-” You grabbed his hand mid-air, interrupting his ramble as he looked down at you.

“Bucky…” You brought his hand to your lips and propped a kiss on it. “I love you, too.” Another kiss, and another… “I love you, I love you…” you repeated kiss after kiss, never averting your gaze from him, noticing his features softening and his chest rising up and down, before he leaned forward, dragging the chair with his weight, and captured your lips in a kiss.

“Thank God,” he said through your lips, “I love you, doll, so much.” His hands cupped your face as he gave light kisses all over it, lingering a little longer and a little gentler over your bruises, making you giggle and relish at the softness of his lips as he did so. “I was so scared, so damn scared…I’m so proud of you, you’re such a feisty, astounding warrior, but I was terrified…”

He leaned back to look at you, adoration shone in his eyes. “I love you, Y/N.” He gulped and closed his lids for a moment before continuing, “I know we agreed on going slow, to figure things out, but, baby, I don’t need figuring out. I know what I’m feeling. I need you.I love you, only you. You’re perfect. I know I’m not, but-” He stopped talking when you circled your arms around his neck and drove him to rest his forehead against yours.

“I’m sure of what I’m feeling, too. You’re my love. My only love. I have nothing to wait for, either. I’m here, I’m yours.” A relieved breath slipped from his lips before he kissed you again. Slowly and kindly, savoring each moment of it along with you as your tears mingled through the gesture.

“Come here,” you whispered, breaking the kiss, and wincing as you dragged yourself to the side.

“What the hell are you doing, doll?” Bucky startled, trying to stop you from moving your body, holding your waist.

“I’m super tired, and wanna take a nap. Won’t you lie down with me? Please?” You pouted, patting the small space you made for him beside you on the bed. He chuckled at your plea and got up from the chair to sit beside you on the mattress.

“I don’t wanna hurt you, beautiful. I can stay on the chair.” He ran his fingers on your locks, staring down at you lovingly. You would never get tired of those gorgeous blue eyes and how he looked at you. 

“You won’t,” you assured, leaning against his hand, which cupped your cheeks, “I need to feel you, please. I’ve almost died, please?” You whined, finding amusing the way his eyes widened at your appealing last words.

Not having in him to deny your wish, and for his own necessity of feeling you close against him too, he slowly and carefully lied on his side, the only way he could fit some of his large body on the bed. You took his arm and placed it around your waist, while he nuzzled on your neck.

You stayed that way, in silence for a moment, only relishing in each other’s warmness and closeness, content on being together after what felt too long.

“Bucky?” You whispered and he hummed against your neck, the vibration bringing shivers to your body. “Looks like we made it, right?” You worried your lips between your teeth, a film ran over your mind starting from the first time you two met until that very instant, the distasteful first date, the first sparring together, the avoidance, the night on the roof, the amazing second date, you making love and the entire struggle that came after. All the happy and the not so happy moments flashed in your mind.

He chuckled and his grazing lips over the skin of your neck took you out from your drifting mind, making your shoulders shrug as you giggled. “We certainly did, beautiful. Sharon is going to get so smug about it.” He laughed, nuzzling further against you.

“That she will,” you murmured, exhaustion winning you over while you ran your fingers back and forth down his arm around you. You tilted your head, drowning in his sweet eyes as you felt your heavy eyelids closing.

Sleeping entangled on your small hospital bed, facing each other. This was the position Sharon and Steve found you both as they observed you through the glass window of your room.

“Ok,” Steve said, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders, not even trying to hold back a grin to see his friend in such position, “I give in, babe, you were right all along with those two.”

She glanced at him and her smile went wider before she drove her gaze back to the both of you, circling her arm around Steve’s waist.

“Not such a bad match, right?”

~~~

Three years later…

“Hey, Nat, aren’t you coming? They’re about to start.” Sam called from the kitchen’s door.

Natasha gulped her milk down and hurriedly got up. “I never miss it, you know it. Plus, I’m feeling particularly confident today.” She brushed her hands together, running with him towards the elevator.

You’re wrapping your hands up when the gym’s door opened, revealing Nat and Sam rushing to take a seat next to the others. You snickered and shook your head at Bucky, who smirked and winked at you, jumping over the ropes to get into the sparring ring. As you licked your lips, you couldn’t help but take a deep sigh, noticing he was wearing your favorite outfit for him. Sweatpants only. You gawked at the flexing muscles while he stretched his arms and you missed how he stared back at you, chuckling at the shameless ogling.

When you were done with the band on your hands, you nodded at Steve, who started a countdown as you and Bucky engaged in circling around each other. You propped an attack position, ready to strike.

Steve signaled permission to start.

“All right, Agent Y/N, are you ready to face a magnificent defeat?” Bucky teased, a little louder for the show while he kept ringing around you. Oohs and aahs were heard and your eyes rolled. It was getting out of hand. Every time you and Bucky sparred together there was an audience. Not to mention the betting you knew lay under the table every once in a while. 

“The only thing I’m ready for is the delicious food I’m eating tonight, when you take me to that Indian restaurant, because you are going down, Barnes.” You retorted, gaining cheering sounds in return as Bucky groaned. As a matter of fact, you two had some personal gambling going on as well.

You took the first strike, aiming a punch to his face. He dodged and grabbed your arms, twisting you around with your back to his chest. His lips on your ear, his hot breath never failed to prompt a shiver to run down your spine, “What kind of person chooses an Indian restaurant, anyway?”

A smirk twisted your lips, the words familiar to you, memories of your first sparring session together years ago rushing on your mind, “The ones with good taste…” you repeated the same answer you gave then, jerking your hips backwards and evading from his grip.

“What kind of person picks a foot massage as a prize?” Punch…Cheers…

“The ones who know the special kind of foot massage you give, doll.” Dodge, smirk, gasp…

“Don’t deal low blows, Barnes.” Kick…More cheers…“Since when are sweatpants appropriate fight gear, huh?” Swipe…

“You seemed to like it just fine just a second ago, sweetie,” Jump…

As you two fought and provoked each other, the rest of the team kept up their rooting, some shouting your name, others boosting Bucky over. The sweat dripped from your pores and your limbs and lungs started showing signs of weariness as you two exchanged strikes for about an hour, you assumed, but like hell you would be the first to give in.

It was no surprise, but you yelped when he managed to drop you to the floor, straddling your waist right away and pinning your arms above your head with a strong grip on his metal arm. Just like the first time. But instead of the hatred you’d seen etched on his face then, you only saw admiration mixed with playfulness, a side of him which had started to surface over the years and you just couldn’t get enough.

“Fuck, why do you have to be so big?” You panted in frustration as you fought your way out of his grasp and Steve started the ten-second count.

“Funny,” he chuckled and squinted his eyes like he was remembering something, “You said the exact same thing last night,” he smirked when your jaw went slack, “but if I recall correctly, we were in a different position.” You gasped as he laughed.

Feeling his hold losing up a little, you decided to use the final and never failing strike. You forced one hand out of his and mercilessly tickled his waist. He inhaled a sharp breath and his eyes widened.

“Y/N!” He breathlessly cried, and completely lost his strength, making it easy for you to use the force of your hips to roll him over, to be the one on top of him and pinning his hands up.

“You mean this position, Sergeant?” You teased, hovering your lips over his plump enticing ones while whistles filled the room. 

“Talk about low blows, huh, beautiful?” He faked annoyance, but could barely hide the smile threatening to burst across his face as he searched for your mouth, which you denied to him by jerking your head away.

“…3…2…1… We have a winner everybody.” Steve announced between sounds of celebrating shouts from Natasha, Clint and Wanda, while the others whined loudly. Even Tony had bet on Bucky. You made a mental note to call him out for this later.

“It seems like I’m having my Indian food tonight,” you remarked, quirking up an eyebrow.

He scrunched up his face in disgust but, when you threatened to tickle him again, terror overtook his face and he recoiled, attempting to escape from the torturous touch, “Ok, ok!” He yelped and you withdrew your waving fingers, sporting a victorious smile. 

That breathtaking adoring stare rose back to his eyes, racing up your heart even more, “Anything to my champion,” Bucky cooed, seeking your mouth once again. This time you met him halfway, kissing the soft lips you loved so much. Between the saltiness of the sweat, he tasted like the chocolate you both had shared earlier and you hummed in delight, before breaking the kiss with a small peck.

“I love you, Mr. Barnes.”

“I love you, Mrs. Barnes.”  
~~~

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are. I post this story on my tumblr first and I got really emotional when it ended. Didn't think I would get to feel like that again until today! It was an amazing experience to start posting on A03, you guys are definetely incredible. Thanks for each and every single one of you who read it and left kudos, it truly means a lot. A special thanks for those who made my heart sing with comments, you made me the happiest and I'll remember you forever.   
> Getting in touch with this story again made me think about these characters and how much I love them. It made me think about writing them again. Would that be something you all like? Tell me in the comments what you'd like to read about them!   
> Thank you! I love this website and I love you all! And Bucky, of course.


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